[kitty_js]

Dear friends,....just thought if I can understand my friend better by posting this thread...I have just given to a baby mid june, and I have this good friend that avoided me and treating me very cold ever since I am pregnant. Recently she has hinted me to stop all communications with her and give up this friendship becos I have a kid and I dun understand her no matter how.

A little background on my friend...she has been married earlier than me and has been planning for a baby for years, but no valid. Previously she had an abortion before married and she has problem conceiving since then.

I am feeling upset as i don't think I have done anything or quarrel with her, but its just all of a sudden when i invited her to my baby shower that I realise she's been cutting all communications with me.
And this friend have been with me for years. I feel unfair at the same time having a friend to cut me out with the fact of me having a baby.

Would be great if someone can enlighten me or advice me....is this the end of the friendship? *sigh*

[jenedens6102]

First of all congratulations on your baby. Secondly, it is difficult to understand what a person suffering from infertility goes through unless you've been there yourself. While you might be supportive and say you can understand it really is something unlike anything. I too have gone through this stage and as long as you keep loving your friend she'll get through it. What happens is a depression that comes from seeing others have what you have prayed for, longed for and hoped for. It isn't an anger at you but can be a fear of how she'll respond or act in the situation. Baby showers can be especially difficult with the showers of gifts and love for the new baby. There is fear, anger, jealousy, bitterness, and depression that can grab a person and make them into someone they've never been. Not everyone handles their emotions the same way. One bit of advice I have is talk to your friend, tell her that you'll always be there to support her (only if you truly are), don't flaunt your baby in front of her knowing that it's a hard thing for her to see. Just get her to talk to you, really let it all out and hope that with it brings healing. Tell her she can tell you what she's feeling and if she's jealous or angry or bitter you won't hold it against knowing that it's something you can't begin to imagine but that you want to help in any way you can. I hope this isn't the end of your friendship but only time will tell.

[Andi]

Congratulations! I am sorry that you are going through this tough time with your friend. I know that when I see my friends who have easily gotten pregnant or even gotten pregnant without trying it is difficult. I don't understand why she is shutting you out but I do understand the envious feelings and perhaps she is feeling guilt for being jealous. I do know that my aunt who had an abortion had a hard time conceiving and what she has shared with me is that she had to get through her guilt of that before she could get pregnant. (perhaps natures way of being sure her mind and body were healthy enough to conceive)...

For me it aggravates me when someone who hasn't been through IF says that they understand. I have found it much better if they say something like I am here for you if you want to talk about it or if you don't want to talk about it. Letting her know that you are willing to be her friend through thick and thin and that if she just needs some "silent" time from you that you are there when she is ready.

Sorry I kinda rambled... I started on one subject, changed to another and went back to the first. Hope it makes sense.

Congratulations again! Celebrate your pregancy!

[kitty_js]

Hi Friends...Thank you so much for all your replies. I guess now I have a slightly clearer view of my friend'd side of view.

I have tried to talk to her but she just refuse to talk to me about the reason why she avoided me and have even ask me to stop contacting with her anymore and give up this friendship. But she has hinted that is the reason when I ask her is it becos I have a kid.

But I have drop her an email, that I'll be there if she needs me again... hope things would be better...as i guess only time would tell...and hope she has a baby soon and everyhting gets well in place for her again...

Sorry..i guess its hard to write and express it out in words on what happened...but once again, thanks, your replies really helps me alot...