[sweetdreams]

You really are not alone. There are tremendous pressures upon you right now. For men the stress seems to build up over time. I am now even considering suggesting my wife just moves on to someone who can provide a baby. This will be painful for me for several years but it is better than the long-term pain of preventing someone's dreams from coming true.


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32/M ttc 4 yrs IUI and IVF. It's my problem apparently although the official word is "unexplained". wife 31/F perfect.

[wantabigbelly]

I've been trying to get pregnate for a little over a year, 4 months on treatment. EVERY girl in my circle is getting pregnate and it's killing me. I hate it and i hate myself for not being genuinly happy for them....I fake it and it just makes it worst sometimes. Last one to announce was my dh's cousin who is 4 years younger than I and got married recently...on the first month they tried she got pregnate.

The worst thing was that she felt sorry for me and that just killed me. She called my dh to tell him and say that she felt bad telling me and then when she did, there was no stopping her mouth. She went on and on for like half an hour about how they found out and how they broke the news to the entire family....on and on.....UUUUGGGHHH i had to pretend for that entire time. And then of course dealing with my dh telling me he knew i was gonna feel that way and that he "understood" but that I shouldn't be crying. That just made it even worst.

I try to convince myself to think that it'll happen when the time is right for us and pray to God that'll be NOW : ) ...

[BES08]

I know there are a LOT of us out there who completely understand what you are going through. I feel the same exact way. My DH and I have been trying for a year. My good friend / co-worker tried for three months and now she's three months pregnant. She seriously does NOT understand how painful it is for me, even though I've tried a number of times to explain it to her. She keeps saying really dumb things and it's making me crazy! Today for example she actually was complaining to me about her body changing and gaining weight due to her pregnancy! Also how her life with her husband is going to change so much when the baby comes. WAS SHE EXPECTING SYMPATHY?!! I would take that ANY day, compared to what we are going through. You will get lots of support from the people on this site, it's a wonderful place to be when you're going through this turmoil. Good luck!

[hmdaw]

Everytime I talk with my sisters-in-law, I brace myself waiting for one of them to tell me that they are pregnant *again*. For me, what makes it so difficult is that everyone close to me has gotten pregnant and had their babies, and here we are...still being disappointed month after month. Just last month a friend of mine that got pregnant two weeks before me (I subsequently had a m/c, she delievered a beautiful baby girl) told me that she is going to start trying to get pregnant again in June. So now... as much as I hate to admit this...I feel like I am in a "race" with her to try to get pregnant with my first before she gets pregnant with her second. Crazy isn't it? But, sadly, I am sure there are many of you out there that know exactly about those "races".

[Brookelyn510]

My little sister is pregnant and isn't married and wasn't trying.
I told my mother that I can't even imagine going to her baby shower. I am devastated by that situation.

Everytime I get told that someone is pregnant my response is to say Congrats outloud, but then in my head to say-of course you are! I wouldn't be me if you weren't pregnant!

[casb77]

I totally get it. We've been trying for two years with no success at all. Everyone else can get pregnant with no problem (one even complained with it took her two months), but not us. One of my closets friends and confidant on the IF journey just got pregnant too. That's really tough. I actually left a party two days ago w/out even saying good-bye because they'd been talking about her pregnancy for an hour and I couldn't take it anymore. I feel like a bad friend, but it's so hard to be happy and excited for her and everyone else when we're having no luck ourselves. I feel like there's this club that's welcoming all my friends but I can't get in.

[sshirley]

Originally Posted by SadWanaBeMom

my best friend decided to begin trying 3 months ago she found out she was pregnant in december. I put on a happy face for her but really i was devistated. Ive been trying for 8 months. Im so depressed i really could use some support right now or a someone who understands how im feeling. please share your stories with me. Because im feeling so alone right now i need someone to talk to. please email me or message me.

I understand, I have been through alot of different obsticles. My sister in law just found out she was pregnant she has been through 1 iui cycle and it worked they find out today if they are pregnant with multiples. I have been doing fertility treatments for over 3 years now and several negative pregnancy test and 1 miscarriage later I am miserable I would have been having my baby in Jan. about the same time my sister in law started her fertility treatment. really hard to deal with. everyone just thinks I am jealous but really it just hurts I would never want them to put in the emotional, Physical or financial hardships we have been through but things are so easy for others there first try with my DR. and boom pregnant. I can not be around her or or my brother in law and I feel like everyone thinks I am being childish. I am a christian woman and have faith that God will give me what I need I just don't know how many more pregnancy's I can be happy about. You arenot alone and my best description of what I am feeling is Hurt and need NOT JEALOUSY I would not wish what I have been through on my worst enemy

[Mama2Caden]

I hear all you ladies. My husband's ex-girlfriend just had her second baby. That made me feel like crap. Hang in there girls our time is coming.

[bree35]

Hey, it's true that no one really understands unless they've been there-which we hope they never are! My husbands young sister told me her good news the day before we were going to see a new fertility doc after 6 years off. I was so heartbroken and happy at the same time. She once told me the reason things weren't working out for us was that we were meant to raise children together and she wasn't there yet. I try to take her news as a sign that maybe our time is here finally! I am happy for her, but also very glad we are not living nearby to see/hear every little thing. It's just too painful. However, the next time we see her she will be 7 months pregnant!! She has already sent us ultrasound photos and a picture of her with a "baby belly" since she will be in a wedding in June. That one really hurt!! Hope this post helps you know you're not alone. Best wishes.

[Charloto]

It's so very hard to see everyone around you get pregnant and have babies while you wait and wait... and wait.

It's actually what pushed me to find this forum last night. My best friend called me all excited to tell me that she's pregnant. With her second child. A part of me wants to be happy for her simply because she is my friend and if she's happy then I should be right? But mostly I'm angry and furious with her for bringing another child into her crazy world. Her boyfriend abuses her, very violently, they do nothing but argue and fight. I gave up trying to help her or talk some sense into her a loooong time ago.. but now she wants me to be happy for her? I can't find it in me...

My sister is 6 months pregnant with her 2nd as well and I am very happy for her but it still hurts a lot. She has a beautiful boy, my sweet 8 yr old nephew who i love more than anything. She was so hoping to have a girl this time around but found out she's having a boy (of course she's still happy) but I felt this huge sigh of relief because I want a girl.. just want a child so badly but some part of me felt so threatened that she'd not only have the only 2 children in our family but she'd have the perfect little family. sigh.. I feel so horrible.

We've been trying for over 6 years (not not trying for years before that) and every single friend and family member has had atleast one child in that time period. Even now as I write this atleast 7 of my close friends/relatives are pregnant. It's so very hard to put on a happy face and attend all the showers with gifts that you just want to be buying for yourself...

I cried in my husbands arms last night... I'm just saddened to my very core.

[kaym82]

Charloto-
I can completely relate to you too....My brother & SIL are preggo w/ their second. They have a 3 year old girl right now- I adore my niece. When they told me I cried...right in front of them & felt like the biggest jerk...Now two days before he told me my bro told me that I was allowing IF to consume my life & that its not the end of the world if I can't have kids....WOW!
Two weeks ago my SIL started spotting...She came to me all upset & my heart truly went out to them b/c I've had a m/c. The next day she went to the dr. (she was 8 weeks) and she was actually pregnant w/ twins and was m/c one. The other one was healthy & thriving....My bro was really upset over losing a baby. I felt bad for him but part of me still felt like dang, you still have one growing & you saw the heart beating away.....It's rough ...It really is & unless someone has been there-- they can't relate.....I'm sorry its been a rough day.....hang in there girl!

[jjbaxter]

I am so sorry to hear about everyone's situations I have one very similar my bf is prego (we got prego at the same time and I mc) and everyone thinks I should be so happy and I just can't they weren't really even trying so it came as a shock. Now here it is april she is do the end of may and I should have been due may 12th and everyone is expecting me to throw the shower and I don't even think I can go it is hard enough just to hear all the details I don't think I can go shopping and buy all this babystuff and that is all she talks about when she comes over she rarely inqures as to what is going on in my life it is just so frustrating on top of that today the new girl at work just found out she is prego so today life sucked I cried and I don't even know why I don't know her that well I guess it is just b/c I will have to see her everyday my dh says it is okay if we secretly dislike people hope no one minds me venting it is nice to read others stories and realize I am not crazy sometimes it feels that way