[spunkygrrl]

Thank you for posting those links. I completely understand. We've been trying for going on 2 years now, with one miscarriage after a year. I've found that since the miscarriage (9 months ago - how ironic), I've been extremely depressed.

And, don't let people tell you it's all in your head, when you feel like everyone is pregnant. Because everyone around me is - including all of my friends who went through fertility treatments.

I used to be so good at being happy for people - I never coveted a house, an expensive car, or a big diamond ring. I've never felt so jealous in my life - and so depressed over it.

My best friend (after 2 years and 2 IVF treatments) has a shower this weekend. I know, out of everyone, she deserves this baby, but honestly, I am afraid I won't be able to hold it together at the shower. Out of 17 people, only myself and one other person (who is not married - I can only imagine how she feels), are childless. I know the entire time it will be comparing pregnancy symptoms, comparing child stories, comparing family stories, etc.

I feel so horrible - but I am dreading going. I can't miss it. I'm just hoping I can make myself busy helping the hostess, and hopefully stay out of the conversation.

I'm really struggling with the depression thing. Some days, I barely want to take a shower (I work at home a few days a week). I find myself staring out into space alot, picking fights with the hubby, etc.

I know exercise will help, but it's hard when I can barely get motivated to leave the house. I find that taking walks with the pooch (we have a dog), and books, help me escape. I think I might actually go to counseling, because I seem to cry for no reason - alot.

I know that attitude and relaxation plays a part in fertility. I keep telling myself that I'm not helping the situation by feeling the way that I do.

Anywho. Sorry to ramble. It's nice to know that I'm not alone.

PS - I've found that acupuncture helps alleviate the stress and helps me sleep better. It supposedly also helps with fertility, which I haven't seen yet, but at the very least, I'm working to manage my stress with it. Alot of insurance programs cover it - check it out.

[Melanie0058]

spunkygrrl - I can totally relate to how you are feeling.

I had a miscarriage a little over a year ago and I was pregnant at the same time as a good friend of mine. I went to her baby shower early this year about 3 months after my miscarriage and I put on a happy face, but I was miserable inside. I remember thinking that I need to be happy for her but it was so hard to do. After the shower I drove home crying and I just let it all out. Make sure you let yourself cry. We are still grieving the loss of a child we wanted and it's hard. There are 4 pregnant women in my office right now and it's really hard for me to deal with, even a year later it doesn't get any easier.

I've been very depressed this last year myself and sometimes all I want to do is sleep, but I let myself have those days. I cry, and cry, and cry. I finally decided to go talk with a therapist that has gone through infertility and miscarriage and she has been a huge help, especially when I begin my first cycle of IVF this January.

I don't know about you, but I have days when I'm sad about losing the baby and then I have days where I am so mad that this had to happen to me!

[spunkygrrl]

Melanie0058 - thank you! For some reason, the past month or two, I've really been a mess. Once this school semester is over in a week, I'm going to make an appointment with a therapist.

I too seem to have bouts of crying over it. Sometimes I'm OK, and other days I'm just not. The holidays were especially hard for me for some reason. I realize now that it was right around the time I would've delivered (had the MC not happened) that I was most emotional.

Thanks for your support and your post. It helps me to know I'm not alone.

I will be sending good Karma your way for your IVF in January!! Good luck!!

[Kallie]

I get really irritated when I hear friends complaining about pregnancy symptoms or their kids driving them nuts too. I'm sure that will be me too if we ever get there, but it's so hard right now. I just want to shake them and say, "Don't you realize that you have this wonderful blessing that I have been praying for every day for over a year??"

I have had 3 friends get pregnant in the last 9 months while on using birth control (FAM, Condoms, and Pill) which makes me wonder...the FAM one is one of the complainers.

My DH is a pastoral student at a small seminary - there are currently 23 students. 19 are married. Of those 19, 12 have at least one child, 3 are pregnant, 3 are on birth control, and 1 couple is not using BC and has no kids...that's us. Makes me wonder if God hates us.

That probably isn't helpful, but you aren't alone.

[swiftchick82]

It has been three years and nothing for us. The doctors don't even know why, as far as they can tell, nothing is wrong with us. You want to know pain? 3 years, nothing, but over THIRTY BABIES born to my friends and family. Yes, over 30. Some are in their 2nds going on 3rds. I try to remain positive, but it's gotten a whole lot harder and I feel like it's driving a wedge in between my husband and I. The other night I was ovulating and I said to him, "do you even want to try?", and the answer I got was meh.

I'm pretty much at the end of my rope and exploring other options just isn't an option for us right now as my husband finishes his education. Spend $10000 on IVF that may or may not work or $10000 on school. Obviously, we all know the answer to that. And if you should read this, please don't say anything like "well you can try when he's done school" because that's so far away and 4 years past when I wanted to be done having kids.

That's depressing.

[spunkygrrl]

I understand how you feel - it seems sometimes liek it's a never-ending difficult, and painful process, doesn't it?

I think throughout this process, you run through a range of emotions. There were times when I was angry at my husband. When I cried. When I couldn't go to baby showers anymore, or barbeques. When people made comments, that I took so much to heart (when really they meant nothing by them).

Just remember that you have to do what works for you to be healthy. Identify something that will take your focus off babies every once in a while. I hate to exercise, but I found yoga and acupuncture were extremely helpful - they put my mind at ease, and I was amazed.

And I know it sounds obvious - but it's important to talk to your hubby. Get it out in the open. And also to take time to just be together. It's hard to do that - be together and not think about the whole baby thing, but try.

I was so angry at one point, I went to a support group and it surprisingly helped alot (I never thought I was the "support group" type). It was amazing to hear other people's stories, to understand that other people felt like I did. I didn't feel so alone. I cried with complete strangers and felt 10 lbs lighter. One woman told us that she had flown in from Nigeria for the past three summers to do fertility treatments. I remember thinking - if she can do this, so can I.

What area of the country are you in? If you are anywhere near the DC area, I would recommend checking out Shady Grove Fertility ( We offer a 100% Refund! Our Shared Risk Program offers a 100% money back guarantee after 6 IVF cycles, offering couples the chance to have IVF or donor egg treatment with financial security. | Shady Grove Fertility ). We've been working with them, and they have a very interesting "Shared Risk" program. They have alot of their patients who come from out of town, and they will coordinate with your doctor / fertility specialist on testing and bloodwork.

It might be worth looking into - who knows. And if you aren't in the area, there are other centers across the country (one in Chicago, a few I read about on the West Coast) that offer similar programs.

Good luck. And please know that you aren't alone. I have my fingers crossed for us all...

[StillWaiting410]

swift - there is no way to spin it... it just sucks! It just all really REALLY SUCKS!!!!
I reached the end of my rope this year. I didn't know where to turn, I was crying ALL the time, no one understood me, I didn't know what to do. I went and saw a councilor. She suggested finding a 'group'. I too am not the 'support group' type... but I also cried in front of a room full of strangers and I found out...they knew. They knew it sucked, they knew I hurt... It's worth looking into. (the first meeting is the hardest)
I things work out for you, in whatever way that may be. Hang in there!

[FIFITRIXABELLE]

HI MY NAME IS FIONA I AM REALLY NEW TO THIS SITE BUT THOUGHT THAT I WOULD POST A REPLY ANYWAY . MY PARTNER AND I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO CONCEIVE NOW FOR ABOUT 8 YEARS AND HAVE ONLY FALLEN ONCE AND THAT SADLY ENDED IN A MC
AND I KNOW HOW HEARTBREAKING IT IS WHEN EVERY BODY AROUND YOU IS PREGNANT I PERSONALLY HAVENT COME UP WITH A COPING MECHANISM YET BUT AM FEELING A LITTLE MORE POSITIVE SINCE READING THE POSTS ON HEAR .
AT THE MOMENT ALMOST 50%OF THE GIRLFRIENDS I HAVE ARE ALL PREGNANT ASWELL AS MY SISTER COUSIN AND 2 BESTFRIEND AS MUCH AS I WANT TO BE HAPPY FOR THEM I JUST CANT SEEM TO SEE MY WAY THROU THE FOG OF EMOTIONS THAT INFERTILITY BRINGS. IT MAKES ME FEEL TERRIBLE THAT I CANT EVEN TALK TO MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY THAT ARE PREGNANT WITHOUT WANTING TO CRY MY EYES OUT OR WANTNG TO JUST GO AND HIDE SO I GUESSLONG STORY SHORT YOU ARE NOT ALONE I HOPE THAT YOUR BABY DREAM BECOMES A REALITY FOR YOU SOON TRY TO KEEP YOUR HEAD UP HUN