[qweska8402]

I've been dealing with fertility for over a year and a half and EVERYONE (well, maybe not everyone, but close) is having babies. How am I supposed to be happy when it's not happening to me?? Does anyone have any suggestions?

[casb77]

It's really hard to feel surrounded by pregnant women and babies when you are having such a difficult time achieving that for yourself. Everyone on these boards can totally relate.

I personally haven't been able to uncover the secret to being happy over everyone else's pregnancies, especially those that are on round 2 since DH and I started trying, but I am finding small ways to cope. Visiting these message boards is a HUGE help. We'll probably never meet, but just knowing we're not alone in this is immensely comforting. I also started a journal for when I just want to get some things off my chest but don't feel inclined to say them to a person. It's been helpful too, especially when I just want to rant on and on. It would just be distressing to my DH to hear it all and my friends don't really know what to say. But to my journal I can say whatever I want without anyone offering annoying platitudes.

Also, listen to your feelings and don't do things you're not feeling up to. If you're having a bad day, week, or whatever go ahead and decline the invite to a baby shower or lunch with a pregnant friend. That'll be hard too, but sometimes you just need to take care of you.

Good luck to you!

[qweska8402]

I'm new to this web site and already I feel better knowing that there are people out there who are just as frustrated as I am. Thanks to everyone out there for encouraging words and helpful suggestions.

[maxie03]

Hi, I completely understand how you feel. We have been trying for over 14 months and everyone is pregnant! I don't have a magical answer either but I can tell you what has helped me.
*Try and take up a new solo hobby - I started looking into my genealogy, try scrap-booking, or those pottery painting places are fun too.
*Have a movie night by yourself - rent or borrow some funny movies (with no babies or pregnant women in them) and eat whatever you want!
*Read a new book and loose yourself in it.
*Go out for drinks - I know you're not supposed to drink while TTC but it does help if you go out every once and a while.
*Take your puppy for a walk - if you have one. If you don't have a dog they are such a help, they listen to you, curl up with you and let you cry, and they wont get pregnant If we didn't have a dog I would have bought one!
Best of luck!!! Just know you're not alone in this!!!

[Tweet]

I second all of Maxie's suggestions! And most of those are the things that I did to keep my sanity in the midst of all of my fertile myrtle friends. I just really took on a "save myself" and just really got into myself and shut out everything else that I didn't want to be bothered with. Unfortunately, that meant distancing myself from some people and skipping certain events but I was all about saving my own mental health. God Bless and Best Wishes!

[Butterfly]

Understanding how you feel as I am now sinking into a dark depression once again.

So thankful for this site and the many posts of hope and encouragement.

[wantababybad!!]

OMG! Could we be asked to be God Parents one more time??? We have no kids yet so I guess everyone things we would be perfect as God Parents. It is unbelievable! I have a sister who is pregnant for the 2nd time unplanned, a close friend who is pregnant (also unplanned) and 2 pregnant cousins, and a big handful of other friends who are pregnant! I feel truely happy for them but I do get twinges of resentment (wish I didn't). Still hoping it will be us next time.

[Dora]

Hi Ladies
I dont often post replies, but I am so glad to have read these replies. One of my good friends had just announced she is pregnant..As usual I am the last to find out and this upsets me so much, I know people dont want to hurt my feelings, but when they are not up front and honest with me it hurts me even more knowing they have been keeping it from me.

I am a strong realistic person, who is never jelous of others getting pregnant(god there have been so many around me they are going for 2nd's now!!)I know that if it was meant to be me it would be... BUT last night another freind was talking to me about the latest friend to get pregnant and when she said " O'h she has been trying for so long..She deserves it!!! "...I almost punched her..

I remained cool and just told her that it is great for her and that there are others in her position too.. NOW thats enough of my ranting, but I am so mad at everybody right now!!Why are people so insensative??Trying hard to stay happy and positive

[casb77]

Can't remember how I ever came upon this blog, but this woman went through numerous IVF cycles and wrote this post about surviving IF. It was helpful to me and I still read it occasionally. It's nice to have the reminder that I'm not alone and also helps me feel less selfish about putting myself first during this difficult time.
So Close: Surviving Infertility

Send this link to your friends and family. It is the best description I've found of what kind of support I need from them and reiterates to them not to take what I say personally. I sent it to my close friends who know we're doing IVF.
So Close: How to be Good Friends with an Infertile

May the force be with us!

[Rubysmom]

I understand what your going through. I've had my days too when I needed to vent about all the pregnant girls around me. I think I've counted 7 of my friends that are pregnant and for some reason they keep inviting me out to outings to make their big announcement. They KNOW i'm strugging to get pregnant and having a difficult time with it. Unfortunately what works for me is to just stay busy and not hang out with them anymore. I see them enough as it is I really don't go out of my way to get together with them. I have to protect myself and my emotions. I can't sit and listen to them complain about their pregnancy symptoms and YES they complain to me. I would do anything to have those pregnancy symptoms. I've had a few months to get used to all my friends being pregnant but as you can see the bitterness doesn't go away as easily. I'm happy for them but I just can't be around them right now. Good luck to you and know you can find support and understanding here.

[Jenny3343]

I found I turned to my husband more, and my mum's a good listener! My close friends understand but it's a struggle for me to be genuinely happy for others all the time especially when the pregnancy was unplanned...

[Brandy]

This is my first post here. I know exactly how you feel. My sister in law is pregnant with her 3rd, my sister just had a baby, my cousin just had a baby, and my other cousin is pregnant now with an unplanned pregnancy - supposedly just from missing 1 pill! To top it off I'm a school nurse who goes to high schools quite a bit and have to see all the pregnant teenagers who come to the clinic with their pregnancy complaints. It's very hard to deal with. My counselor has told me that exercise - 30 min a day - has a very similiar effect as an antidepressant. Releases natural endorphins and all. I do notice that it helps when I am able to do that, but it is so hard to find the time.

I'm so happy to have found this forum and am so happy to know there are others dealing with this as well. I've been reading posts here for months and am happy now to finally be a contributing member.

[Mooshell]

it is so nice to know that others feel the same way. today i went to my father-in-laws for a pre-thanksgiving meal and there were tons of kids there from extended family and brother-in-law's kids. my hubby decided to go out and play with the kids and my sister-in-law commented that since we didn't have kids at home, it made sense that he wanted to go out and play with the kids. as she put it, "he needs to get it out." i really felt like punching her in the face, as she knows how difficult it has been for my husband and i to conceive. some people just don't get it.

i, too, work in the school system as a teacher and find tons of kids having children. it's very frustrating. when i get worked up, i find working out helps to make my depression go away.

i'm so glad to have found this forum as an outlet.

[torilynn]

i know exactly how you feel. Im one of 4 girls and all my sisters have kids. To top it off at the beg of the month my sister anounced she was 11 weeks preggers worst thing was my mom said they drew straws to see who was gonna tell me. I was pissed i mean why treat me any different..... With all the kids they all have i wish i could skip the holidays this year

[mimosa72]

Well, it only took us 10 months with dr. help. What a bad 10 months. I almost cracked. so many women have had the strength to go through SO MUCH MORE than we did. Near the end, 2 personal hobbies and good books saved me. I needed to loose myself. I think the books were the trick for me.

All of the cancelled fun, penny pinching, babies rubbed in my face, well meaning friends that say things that they don't know feels like a punch in the gut, telling people you have a problem so they will be sensitive, but THEY DON'T BECOME SENSITIVE even though they are wonderful people they just don't get it!!!

I used to get so mad when people say "It just SEEMS like everyone has a baby because it's what you want now." NO - EVERYONE IN MY LIFE OF BIRTHING AGE HAS A CHILD BETWEEN NEWBORN AND TWO YEARS OLD EXCEPT FOR 3 PEOPLE.

Great books, two hobbies. Prayer. Down-time.

Best wishes to you!!!!