[EmiRoseNMe]

Hello There! My Name is Christina and I am 33 years old/DH is 35. After just over 4 years 3 clomid cycle, 4 IUI's, 2 IVF's, and 1 m/c i was told my FSH was too high (consistantly over 20) and SO my ovaries were not producing ANY eggs. (i'm trying the short version LOL) We chose an egg donor we really loved but had to share her with another couple. in the end we were very happy with 5 grade A embies. we transfered 2 and were blessed with my beautiful Emily Rose. All throughout my pregnancy I struggled with whether or not i would tell family members. We told only the ones closest to us and decided no one else really needed to know either way. not because it was a decision i was embarrassed by (after so much you tend to "own" your fate lol) ..we just felt it wasn't necessary. mostly since we hadn't yet decided if we would tell Emily. That decision seemed like it would be tough to make but once i actually started to think about it it was really really clear to me, i don't want ANY secrets with her !~ i want her to know her true birth story..because it's hers and it IS beautiful. but how? ..well i spoke with a therapist who herself had 2 children from egg donation. she toldher kids since they were old enough to understand a story book how much she loved them, how wanted they always were but how difficult it was for her to grow them in her belly -- that eventually a nice dr. donated his knowledge while a nice lady donated some cells, and helped mommy and daddy grow you in my belly. it workedout well because they were just too young to really understand exactly HOW babies are made..and by the time they were old enough they knew enough of the truth that she was then able to explain the facts surrounding it.
i LOVE this idea. i just really wanted to share that ~ and meet you all .
i wish you all the best
Christina

[Koala59]

Thank you so much for sharing. Kids have a way of finding out secrets and so I think it is great you are going to tell you daughter. I plan to do the same. Maye when these kids start school they'll have friends just like them

[EmiRoseNMe]

thanks for responding! it's true i just see this whole process so differently than i used to when we were first entering into it. i feel like it's a very beautiful experience to share with the kids. i know that no everyone wants to do things the same way an di understand that as well. this is something you should always follow your heart with.
anyway i'm planning on trying for number 2 in sept....we have 3 embies frozen.
i wish you luck in all you do!

[sillygirl]

Yes, having an adopted daughter and always being honest with her, I feel I need to also be honest with my adopted embryo babies. I suppose my situation is different from many though. I'd just hate for them to grow up and then find out by some weird situation that genetically they don't match us. What would go through their heads at that time would probably be much worse than the truth.

[twinmama]

I want to tell my babies, I just don't know exactly when. I will go by the kinds of questions they ask or maturity level, or maybe to correspond with sex education in school. There has to be a way! We used donor sperm. It was not an easy decision, but now that we are expecting it feels right. In many of the personal stories of adult children of donors I have found that they often end up becoming donors themselves, which I think is awesome because it creates a circle of good will. I've heard a few stories of the child being upset. But really, when you think about it, there are always going to be the personalities that will find anything to create drama over. I've also found that when the child does not have a dad, like when a single mother uses a donor, or when the parents divorce, then the child feels more compelled to find birth parents. I think if comminication is open and good relationships are fostered then the truth shall set you free !

[Wannafamily]

When we decided to do donor eggs, we spoke with a social worker at our IVF clinic and she gave us some good advice. We had always planned on telling or child (or children) about the donor, but had no idea how or when. The social worker said we should start talking about it when they are very young (2-4) and start just the way that Christina mentioned. She also told us there are several children's books that have been written to help parents talk about it with their children. I plan on ordering a few as soon as I am pregnant!

[scigeek]

We are in a donor cycle right now. Our ED is a friend of ours. The egg retrieval is in just a few days.

We definitely plan to tell the child (if we are so lucky) as soon as they are old enough. We don't want any secrets. Our issue is complicated by the fact that I do have a son (biologically mine, from previous marriage, and adopted by my husband) and my donor has two children. Our families are friends, the kids are close.

How do we tell our children so that there is no confusion as to who is mom? who is the real sibling? neither of us want the donor's children to think of this child as their half-sibling. Do we tell the child the name of the donor? Will they become confused since the donor will be known to them, whose children will be their friends?

If pregnancy does happen then we do plan to meet with a therapist but I was curious about other people's thoughts and experiences.

-Judy, 34, DH 35, DS 8. POV, TTC since Sept. 2005. Currently doing 1st donor egg IVF. Egg retrieval 7/23/08.

[pushphil]

I do plan on telling my children about how they were conceive. I don't want them to start questioning everything I taught them because I was never honest about how they were conceive. I have not told anyone in my family. I want my children to be the first to know.

[cali_girl_in_sweden]

We plan on telling our child/children how they came to be. At first it was a really tough decision as we used ANONYMOUS donor sperm so there is potentially no way for them to 'know' the biological father but it goes beyond that. We feel that if we withold the truth, how can they ever trust us?
We will start telling them early. We live in Europe and will be attending a course in England dealing with this issue. The group can be found at Donor Conception Network: Index Page: News Information Articles Personal Stories There is lots of great support.
I understand that others may choose differently and I support that, but for us, there is no other way but to tell.

HTH