[BottleBrunette]

link to article

Challenging Sperm Donor Privacy | PARADE Magazine

please leave a comment regarding your opinion

[faithbabies]

BB... I think it's sad that people like us who choose DS are judged because of it. I personally want an anonymous donor rather than an open donor. My DH is sad enough that he can't produce the sperm needed for the IUI....why would i want him to have a reminder of it later on? we are planning on telling the baby, but then again, that might change too! i believe sperm donors have the right to be anonymous...most are doing it for the money benefit, and the one we are choosing is doing it because his wife is infertile and he wants to help others by donating his sperm...i doubt he wants a call when his "donor child" turns 18 that she wants to meet her"donor dad"!...i do think that people should be able to get open sperm donors if they want that brought out later on. have a blessed day!

[colsxjack]

Hello. I am new on here. My partner has been posting for a couple of months. I have been reading some posts for a while, but this is my first post.

We are doing IVF with my partners eggs and donor sperm, as I do not have any sperm. I do not think I would have been comfortable using donor sperm if we weren't able to get identity release sperm. That way, I give the future child the choice and opportunity for them to find out more information about their genetics.

I am not personally comfortable hiding the truth of my childs existence from them. I feel really strong about the right that a child has to know the truth about themselves. I want donor identity release so that I can give that child the opportunity to get whatever information they feel they may need in the future. Our child may never want to find out the identity of their donor, but they very well may want that info.

I know several people who were adopted and some people who were raised by a single mother without any info about their biological father. None of the people I know feel that their adoptive parents are not their parents...but they all have or had a drive to find out more about their genetics. I don't want to ever have to tell my child that I had the opportunity to know who their genetic father was but I made a choice for them that they can never find out....especially if that decision was based on my bruised ego that I was unable to get my wife pregnant. I dont think that my child searching out information about their genetic father has or will have any bearing on my ability to be their father or their ability to view me as such or love me as their father.

I like the quote in the article from the child of donor sperm. She said “Couples choose sperm donation because they want a genetic link between mother and child, but children care about genetics too. They want information about their biological fathers.” I think that basically sums up my opinion.

That said, I think that people should have a freedom of choice. I'm just glad that I haver the opportunity to make that choice.

[Jonesnicky]

Originally Posted by colsxjack

Hello. I am new on here. My partner has been posting for a couple of months. I have been reading some posts for a while, but this is my first post.

We are doing IVF with my partners eggs and donor sperm, as I do not have any sperm. I do not think I would have been comfortable using donor sperm if we weren't able to get identity release sperm. That way, I give the future child the choice and opportunity for them to find out more information about their genetics.

I am not personally comfortable hiding the truth of my childs existence from them. I feel really strong about the right that a child has to know the truth about themselves. I want donor identity release so that I can give that child the opportunity to get whatever information they feel they may need in the future. Our child may never want to find out the identity of their donor, but they very well may want that info.

I know several people who were adopted and some people who were raised by a single mother without any info about their biological father. None of the people I know feel that their adoptive parents are not their parents...but they all have or had a drive to find out more about their genetics. I don't want to ever have to tell my child that I had the opportunity to know who their genetic father was but I made a choice for them that they can never find out....especially if that decision was based on my bruised ego that I was unable to get my wife pregnant. I dont think that my child searching out information about their genetic father has or will have any bearing on my ability to be their father or their ability to view me as such or love me as their father.

I like the quote in the article from the child of donor sperm. She said “Couples choose sperm donation because they want a genetic link between mother and child, but children care about genetics too. They want information about their biological fathers.” I think that basically sums up my opinion.

That said, I think that people should have a freedom of choice. I'm just glad that I haver the opportunity to make that choice.

I think that this post is moving, especially since it comes from a dad-to-be. I just had to make the tough decision about using an open donor or annoynmous donor. I ended up choosing the open donor for the same reason you said.

I do not know my biological father and while I rarely felt his absence because I had a dad and a loving extended family, there were those lingering thoughts. Now, the only reason I would even consider contacting him is so my child would not have yet another missing link. When I was growing up, it rarely bothered me, but I was curious. There was one time when I wanted to know, now I am fine. However, as I entered this journey of having my own child, I began to wonder about what he looked like, for my child's sake. I would never deny my child the opportunity to decide what was best for him/her. An open donor at least gives the child the possiblity to decide. The child may choose, as I did, not to pursue it, but that will be their decision.

My dad raised me, loved me, encouraged me and challenged me. Recently, I was a keynote speaker at an event and my dad came. Afterwards he was beaming with pride and someone commented how I looked like my dad. He thanked them and said "she has my eyes." We both laughed. Although I don't share his genetics, he is everything I could ask for in a dad. As he ages, and gets frailer by the minute, I know that he will go to his death bed as proud of me as if he were my biological dad. Even with a positive experience like this with a non-bio dad, I would never deny my child the right to decide.

I think you are going to be a great dad because you get the first rule of parenting; put your ego aside. All the best to you.

[Lee0805]

I think the donor's identity must be held secreet, at least until such time that a curious child has come of age and can pursue a meeting as an adult. Sperm donors, typically, are usually willing becuase they want to help, but not for the purpose of taking on the emotional, financial and social responsibility of child rearing (unless such an arrangement was understood from the beginning.)

I donate but only in contractual safety. Having said that, I would also be open to a "reunion" in the event the child wished, and the child was an independent adult.

[Butterfly_Wonder]

Originally Posted by faithbabies

BB... I think it's sad that people like us who choose DS are judged because of it. I personally want an anonymous donor rather than an open donor. My DH is sad enough that he can't produce the sperm needed for the IUI....why would i want him to have a reminder of it later on? we are planning on telling the baby, but then again, that might change too! i believe sperm donors have the right to be anonymous...most are doing it for the money benefit, and the one we are choosing is doing it because his wife is infertile and he wants to help others by donating his sperm...i doubt he wants a call when his "donor child" turns 18 that she wants to meet her"donor dad"!...i do think that people should be able to get open sperm donors if they want that brought out later on. have a blessed day!

Faithbabies:

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE tell your child AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. I didn't find out I was a sperm donor baby until I was 26. It was DEVASTATING. And in your case (as in mine), your child will constantly be wondering if their father's disease will become their own. Save them that fear.

I think it is the ultimate selfishness to think that the parents sorrow over not being able to provide viable sperm should overshadow the worries caused by being a sperm donor's child and not knowing it. I worried my entire life about my (non-bio) genetics, and now that I know and because of current health problems, I am constantly worried about what I DON'T know.

Please don't be blind to the future consequences of keeping this from your child. Telling them won't make them love you any less...in fact, I am so thankful that my parents wanted me so much as to make that difficult choice. And your child will too...I promise.