[jak40]

This thread is directed to those of you who had genetic children prior to using a donor.

I am just looking for some thoughts and feelings from those of you who have had genetic children and then children from a donor.

I am wondering if any of you had attachement issues?

Ever felt the baby was more your spouses (if applicable) than yours?

Has anyone ever made comments to you that the baby isnt "really" yours?

Any unequal "feelings" between the babies grandparents?

Any information would be appreciated.

[ballerinagirl]

jak40-We have two beautiful sons that are our genetic children. They were conceived with no help every month we tried. We waited too long to have the last baby 39 must be my families egg expire date. Ha! Ha!

I am sorry to say that we chose not to disclose to anyone. My family is Catholic and thinks ivf and iui are not God's work. This octo mom has brought lots of curious questions from my uneducated relatives. I was willing to adopt my husband was not. This to me is like an early adoption. To be honest I feel my gene pool is risky b/c of mental issues and learning disabilities. As well as addictions. I rationalized this in my head and after 6 or so cycles with my own eggs tried donor and it worked the first time. It worked too well. We have twins and are thrilled to pieces!!!!! I have had no trouble at all bonding with the pregnancy and my husband is thrilled we have healthy babies. That is all that mattered was to have healthy babies. As far as not knowing some of the donors backround forever my own mother knows nothing about her genetic father as he left at a very young age. So this is not an issue for us.

Do you have genetic children of your own? I did worry about this as well. Oh. I never had any problem with weight gain on Lupron just wicked headaches. The progesterone can really make you feel heavier though but it was easy to lose when you throw up 2 times a day from morning sickness! Feel free to ask me any questions and to the de board.

[jak40]

Ballerinagirl - Yes, I have 3 children from my previous marriage. I have a daughter 21 (in March) a son 17 & a son 14. My daughter goes to college 1200 miles away and my sons live with there dad. I had a tubal ligation done after my 14yo was born. I have since remarried a man with no children. We would like to have a family of our own, hence the IVF. (My tubal was not reversible.)

I am not concerned about the bonding issue for myself, but I am curious how others react to the children. We will not tell our child about using a DE until he/she is old enough to comprehend. Only at that point will we tell anyone else about the DE. I just have concerns that some of my DH's family will feel more "entitled" to the children (in comparison to my family) do to the genetic link. If we told my MIL about using DE, she would tell people we are pg then the second words out of her mouth would be "they used donor eggs" At this point I do not want that to be the first thought into our friends minds when they see us as a family. To compound the situation, if my ex husband got wind of the DE, he would drill into my sons heads that this baby is NO relation to my sons. (he is not a nice man). Again, this is not what I want for my family.

I guess I am looking for situations that people have run into when others know about using donors and how they handled it.

Good luck to you and your twins. What is it like to be pg at 41?? Hopefully I'll find out for myself soon.

[ballerinagirl]

Jak40- We are the same age I wanted to tell you a book that really helped me was "Having Your Baby Through Egg Donation" I got it off of Amazon and it does hit all the bases you are concerned about.

Lots of our relatives would gossip and find this very science fiction. I don't want our children to be treated differently. We also as a family have much to be thankful for and live a nice life so people would love to think "well just how desperate were you to have another baby" , we still have relatives ask directly and indirectly for financial support. We are very private and don't tell them everything we do like vacations ect...

Being pregnant at 41 is really no different that at 30. Honestly. Not to toot my horn but I have always worked out 3 or 4 days a week and eat right. I do enjoy my sweets!!, like cookies and cake. I am so happy you joined our group this mock cycle will be over soon. You can get to the good stuff and pick your donor, you will know when you have the right one, we did. Go for younger than 28 or 29 and proven. You only want to do this once! I'll be here to cheer you on like so many others did on this forum for me.

[jak40]

Ballerinagirl - I ordered the book you recommended. Thank you.

[Kay]

Originally Posted by jak40

This thread is directed to those of you who had genetic children prior to using a donor.

I am just looking for some thoughts and feelings from those of you who have had genetic children and then children from a donor.

I am wondering if any of you had attachement issues?

Ever felt the baby was more your spouses (if applicable) than yours?

Has anyone ever made comments to you that the baby isnt "really" yours

Any unequal "feelings" between the babies grandparents?

Any information would be appreciated.

Hi. I am glad you brought this topic up. I think many people are curious about this issue.
I do have two "genetic" children, three adopted children and now my lovely DE daughter Clara. We are a very unique family of multiple ethnic backgrounds. I have to say honestly each child God has placed in our home is a huge blessing. I love them ALL for the unique person they are.
Fortunately all the people in our lives, friends and relatives all see our family as just that a family. It hasn't mattered how we got that way. Sure there are insensitive or ignorant people who make comments like your "real children" referring to the "genetic" ones, but I always gentely correct them and say they are all my real children. They live in my home. I am raising them. I love them the same. This is a REAL family!
It is so fun to have people say to me now "Clara looks just like you". I just store it up in my heart. Clara does look a lot like my "genetic" children and her daddy. I am just so happy to have her. She could look like the milk man and it wouldn't change the way I feel about her.
I am so happy I had the opportunity at age 41 to experience having a baby grow inside me and give birth again. It was such a blessing. I also treasure the memories of all the children putting their hands on my belly to feel their SISTER moving and now of each one of them talking to her and loving her. Family is family no matter how it was made.
Blessings to you in the continued creation of your family!
Kay

[sunshine7482]

I have a 5 years old daughter, and we re just about to dive into our first DE cycle.

I'm worried about bonding. When my daughter was born, and I saw her for the first time, she was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my life. Will I feel the same for DE baby?

Will the DE baby one day say to me "You're not my real mother"?

How will I treat the two children? Will I be able to treat both the same?

Will my parents make a difference?

But then again, pretty much nothing in life comes with a detaled instructions manual...

But I'm curious about the experience of those that have been thru.

[Igloochic]

Pregnant at 42 is easy girls Pg at 45 and 46...now that's a challenge (at least I hope so LOL)

I have a beautiful 3 year old boy (concieved naturally...we were shocked since we weren't planning on having children LOL) I've been pursuing the IUI goober for a year now since we lost our last baby to an accident and the ensuing surgery. Moving on to DE actually has been quite easy. They give me something like a 15% chance at getting pregnant with my old eggs (all else is fabulous) and a lower chance at actually carrying the pregnancy to term with my eggs. And an 82% chance at success with DE's at a 5 day transfer. To me it was easy math.

I get to pick the donor and we're shooting for a young woman who is sort of me but in formation heh heh DH gets his genes in the mix so the focus is on what is important to me. Frankly if I could have another clone of my son...I'd be ok (only a healthy one). He came seven weeks early and while it seemed as if he was fine, he has a very rare blood disorder as a complication of prematurity. We've spent over 11 months of the last three years (off and on) in hospitals and we're pushing two million dollars to find out what was wrong with him. I share this with you because that's been part of the process in determining donor eggs. We don't want another sick child...even a fabulous one like DS. I want the highest possible chance to a full term child and the least chance of possible medical issues. If you spend a couple of years in and out of hospitals you learn quickly that a baby is a baby...if they're yours you love them. It does not matter how they were made, if you planned them or were shocked in old age with them...you just love them.

I have no doubts that I can't love another child using DE's as much as my son. In fact, we're not even having the child for ourselves as much as we are for him, because he's an only child to older parents. We want a sibling for him. But I guarantee, they'll be all ours as well Body mind and soul will love them with all we have.

I can also say this because we had a unique experience with a baby recently. Our nanny is the child of my best friend. A lovely young girl, 21, college student, NICU nurse want to be She ended up suddenly pregnant and for a bit we did consider adoption. In the end, she decided to keep the child, so this baby who we would have happily taken is now in our home 40 hours a week or so. (I let her bring the baby with her to watch my son). She isn't my baby, I wouldn't consider taking her from our dear nanny, but I have to tell you....when she first came to us regularly, just to hold her. I hadn't even carried this child, and her sperm and eggs were from two people we weren't related to...but to hold a baby that could have been ours...it is magic. We're so happy to have her in our lifes, even if it's just as a special aunt And I don't share with her how much it means but I'll share with ya'll....I could love that beautiful girl...she's loved to death by her family, but I could easily have opened my heart to the same extent as we have for our 100% biological boy. No issues what so ever!