[maybebaby1]

Hi Ladies! I just joined this message board recently and think you are a great group of ladies!

I have a question...I was supose to do another round of ivf with DH and we can't afford it. He has severe male factor issues. We are now talking about using donor sperm and doing IUI? I don't know much about IUI so feel free to fill me in.

Anyways, I paid a flat fee to search donor profiles with pics, and there were only 27 of them and I was very disappointed! I wouldn't have chose any of them to reproduce with. I know that sounds shallow to some, But this is a HUGE decision! All other websites I have found you have to pay for each and every little thing to view each donor. Like $65 for photo, $50 for profile and so on. With EACH one you view. How do you pick!! There are hundreds of them and going through them could rack up a hefty bill!

Does anyone have any suggestions, or have you used a SB and have a donor that you have used or would that you could recommend. I know that's kind of personal to ask but I am desperate right now! We just spent $25,000.00 on ivf December and really have to watch out! If you don't know or have any suggestions or thoughts I am all ears! THANK YOU!!!

[maybebaby1]

WOW!! Thank you all for your responses!! They sure were helpful!

[AzooDude]

Originally Posted by maybebaby1

WOW!! Thank you all for your responses!! They sure were helpful!

I sympathize with your frustration at the lack of response, but it was a little confusing that your topic title asked about pics for *egg* donors, while your post was about picking*sperm* donors.

I don't think there are any easy answers, but perhaps you can find another sperm bank with a flat rate and have more luck. If you have to pay a la carte for pics, I suppose the way to get the most bang for your buck is to take the time to rule out donors you know wouldn't interest you based on the written descriptions typically included in the free short profiles, like mismatched ethnicities or eye color or whatever physical traits are particularly important to you. If you only want someone with black hair, blue eyes, and between 5'10" to 6'0" tall, make sure you don't waste money paying for pics or extended profiles on donors that already fail to meet your criteria.

When it comes to donor picking, whether sperm or egg (and DW and I have done both), I think it's fairly common to start off with a pretty demanding set of criteria that have to be met. In very lucky circumstances, that perfect match is found the first time out. More often, though, reality sets in that a "perfect" match is hard to find, so you end up prioritizing what really matters and what's not so important, because it sometimes comes down to either choosing from the options available to you, or giving up your shot at parenthood because that perfect donor just never materialized. I've never seen anyone say, "I want a baby that looks nothing like me or my spouse!", but a little extra flexibility on some traits can really enlarge the pool of possible donors. For example, being more flexible on traits like height and blood type will add to the possibilities even if you're set on specific eye and hair characteristics. If you aim for "could plausibly look as related as tv siblings usually do" instead of "DH's exact double", it's an easier target to hit.

Good luck!

[maybebaby1]

THANK YOU for your response! It was very helpful! You are right I did post the title wrong!!!! I hadn't noticed, sorry everybody! It is frusturating to see so many "views" and no responses. I do my best to respond to anything I have knowledge about. You have great point of views! We did find a donor and your right, you have to sacrifice on some things to get a good match. I am very happy with our pick! It was easier than I had thought it would be!

[lisa_kev]

Hi! I'm new here and this is my 1st post but felt I should chime in. DH and I are using Xytex and they offer both child and adult photos. Picking a donor who provided adult photos was VERY important to DH and me-as we've told no one about our situation. DH is a cancer survivor and felt it was better not to mention our donor to family/friends. We've been TTC for 9 years and are now getting help with Shady Grove Fertility of Annapolis. We've picked our donor and I'm in my CD 5 of our 1st Clomid/Ovidrel IUI treatment cycle.

I noticed in your signature that you've picked a donor. If you don't mind me asking, where did you find yours?

Best of luck in your TTC journey.

[maybebaby1]

Lisa!! I went with Xytex also!!! It wasn't a very hard decision after all! They give you so much information for $165 for 3 months! Also even though they had a ton of donors it wasn't hard to pick which one we wanted! Wouldn't that be weird if we picked the same one!!!

[lisa_kev]

Originally Posted by maybebaby1

Lisa!! I went with Xytex also!!! It wasn't a very hard decision after all! They give you so much information for $165 for 3 months! Also even though they had a ton of donors it wasn't hard to pick which one we wanted! Wouldn't that be weird if we picked the same one!!!

Xytex is great! We did the 3 months, it ran out in November '08. I couldn't remember what the fee was-thank you for posting for others. It didn't us take long at all to find our donor. My spermies are being shipped on Wednesday and 1st IUI sometime next week. The donor we picked had 25 unwashed units. We picked unwashed because our center will do the washing in the office.

[maybebaby1]

My spermies will be here this week also! Our donor had only 3 unwashed units aval., I start meds next week for my first IUI. My center is also using unwashed. They say they wash it in office. Are you using meds?

[lisa_kev]

Originally Posted by maybebaby1

My spermies will be here this week also! Our donor had only 3 unwashed units aval., I start meds next week for my first IUI. My center is also using unwashed. They say they wash it in office. Are you using meds?

Yes. Clomid 50mg CD 3-7 and I inject with Ovidrel when told by my doctor prior to the IUI. I've been on Clomid for 6 cycles now and was up to 150mg (without injectables) so I'm trying to stay positive. I'm really excited to get things rolling. Looks like we may be cycle buddies

[maybebaby1]

I am starting meds next week (been on BCP for 1 month) waiting for to arrive around the 13th. I am going to be taking Ganirelix (it's like lupron), Menopur, and Ovidrel. When are you starting meds? I didn't realize how expensive this was all going to be! I thought it would be so much cheaper than IVF and it's not off by much. Does your doctor make you wait a month inbetween cycles? Mine said he does. I am a very impatient person so to wait for any of this is killing me! I am just trying to stay positive to and hope we all get our this cycle!!!!

[lisa_kev]

Originally Posted by maybebaby1

I am starting meds next week (been on BCP for 1 month) waiting for to arrive around the 13th. I am going to be taking Ganirelix (it's like lupron), Menopur, and Ovidrel. When are you starting meds? I didn't realize how expensive this was all going to be! I thought it would be so much cheaper than IVF and it's not off by much. Does your doctor make you wait a month inbetween cycles? Mine said he does. I am a very impatient person so to wait for any of this is killing me! I am just trying to stay positive to and hope we all get our this cycle!!!!

My RE never perscribed BCP. I really don't know why BCP's are perscribed for anyway. I started clomid (an am finished) on CD 3-7 today is CD 9 for me. Ovidrel I take when I'm instructed too, guess I'll know that after my CD 11 bloodwork and ultrasound (Easter Sunday) I've never heard my doctor say anything about waiting in between cycles. My RE knows we want to get the ball rolling and have waited 9 long years. Our donor IUI treatment cycle has cost us $1950. Our insurance comapany will only offer assistance with IVF, but because we're doing donor IUI they will not cover anything. Shady Grove has a shared risk program for IVF, which costs about $22k (not including meds) and we're not ready to discuss that option. So, our IUI's have to work. I'm trying to stay positive, but know that IUI's don't always work the 1st try. I guess I just don't want to get too excited so the dissapointment isn't that bad.

As far as my meds go, I paid about $138 this cycle. I'd ask your RE why he intends to make you wait in between cycles.

My sperm arrived at the clinic on Wednesday, I pray I have a great count!

[maybebaby1]

I pray you have a great count too!!! You know, I was asking myself the exact same question about the BCP last night! They are suppose to supress you body and calm your reproductive track down...but then you stop taking them and wait for to come?? Isn't that kind of starting over!!! My doc said that he wants you to wait a month in between cycles to let your ovaries go back to normal size. I just don't get it. I am shocked your insurance assists with IVF and not IUI! Most insurances are the opposite. We don't get insurance through my husbands work until next month. They cover 50% of IUI but no IVF. Because of the prodical that my dr. is using, I have to do the exact same thing with the injectables as IVF the only difference is that they aren't removing my eggs and butting them back in (which is painless) and no bootie shots ! Those 2 inch shots that have to go through the muscle are a little intense but barable. I'm just so worried that the chances are not as good with IUI. I want to be NOW!!! I know you do too!!! This is so stressful aspecially the 2 week wait. In my heart I knew it didn't work the first time during my wait and cried and cried everyday. Then for some reason we had no embryos to freeze so I freaked out and did a HPT, was neg., then I was obsessed and took 3 more. I was a mess. I thought I was such a strong person, but when it comes to this I am very weak How does your husband feel about using DS? Do you know when you will take your trigger?

[lisa_kev]

Originally Posted by maybebaby1

I pray you have a great count too!!! You know, I was asking myself the exact same question about the BCP last night! They are suppose to supress you body and calm your reproductive track down...but then you stop taking them and wait for to come?? Isn't that kind of starting over!!! My doc said that he wants you to wait a month in between cycles to let your ovaries go back to normal size. I just don't get it. I am shocked your insurance assists with IVF and not IUI! Most insurances are the opposite. We don't get insurance through my husbands work until next month. They cover 50% of IUI but no IVF. Because of the prodical that my dr. is using, I have to do the exact same thing with the injectables as IVF the only difference is that they aren't removing my eggs and butting them back in (which is painless) and no bootie shots ! Those 2 inch shots that have to go through the muscle are a little intense but barable. I'm just so worried that the chances are not as good with IUI. I want to be NOW!!! I know you do too!!! This is so stressful aspecially the 2 week wait. In my heart I knew it didn't work the first time during my wait and cried and cried everyday. Then for some reason we had no embryos to freeze so I freaked out and did a HPT, was neg., then I was obsessed and took 3 more. I was a mess. I thought I was such a strong person, but when it comes to this I am very weak How does your husband feel about using DS? Do you know when you will take your trigger?

Hi MabyBaby1

As of late Friday, we got an update on our insurance coverage. Optimum Choice is giving us so much trouble because we're using donor sperm. If my DH had sperm, they'd cover the IUI's 50% (6 in all) but because we're using donor they are now saying they'll cover 50% and only authorize 3 IUI's with bloodwork/ultrasound visits. We have had numerous recommendations by our primary care physicians, documents of DH's cancer. There simply is no other route for us to take. It's so incredibly frustrating. One day they're telling us something, only to have it change. They will not authorize the purchase of sperm or the storage of it. I guess it's better than nothing. Since DH and I have already paid out-of-pocket this cycle, we've elected to not have anything submitted to insurance and if need be, we will have them to fall back on the following cycle. I hope we won't need it, but doesn't everyone else? We chopped it all up in the beginning that we'd probably not have any help, so this is a small bonus.

In response to how my DH feels about using donor sperm; he's 100% for it. He knows this is the only way for me to carry a child and wants this as badly as I do. To make things more comfortable for him, I decided to let him pick our donor. He did a great job!

I had my CD 11 bloodwork and ultrasound this morning. Results came in just a while ago. My follicle size is 12 uterine lining is 7; LH is 6.2 and I forget what she told me my estrogen was. I was due to come back in on Tuesday, but my nurse says for Wednesday because my LH is low still and they like it to be 15 or better. Also, My follicle is still low and they want to shoot for 18-20 mm. All will be determined on Wednesday as to when I do the trigger. I'm bummed though; I have only one follicle on my right this cycle. Nothing was showing up on the left.

I'll update as I can. Keep me posted!

[maybebaby1]

Originally Posted by lisa_kev

Hi MabyBaby1

As of late Friday, we got an update on our insurance coverage. Optimum Choice is giving us so much trouble because we're using donor sperm. If my DH had sperm, they'd cover the IUI's 50% (6 in all) but because we're using donor they are now saying they'll cover 50% and only authorize 3 IUI's with bloodwork/ultrasound visits. We have had numerous recommendations by our primary care physicians, documents of DH's cancer. There simply is no other route for us to take. It's so incredibly frustrating. One day they're telling us something, only to have it change. They will not authorize the purchase of sperm or the storage of it. I guess it's better than nothing. Since DH and I have already paid out-of-pocket this cycle, we've elected to not have anything submitted to insurance and if need be, we will have them to fall back on the following cycle. I hope we won't need it, but doesn't everyone else? We chopped it all up in the beginning that we'd probably not have any help, so this is a small bonus.

In response to how my DH feels about using donor sperm; he's 100% for it. He knows this is the only way for me to carry a child and wants this as badly as I do. To make things more comfortable for him, I decided to let him pick our donor. He did a great job!

I had my CD 11 bloodwork and ultrasound this morning. Results came in just a while ago. My follicle size is 12 uterine lining is 7; LH is 6.2 and I forget what she told me my estrogen was. I was due to come back in on Tuesday, but my nurse says for Wednesday because my LH is low still and they like it to be 15 or better. Also, My follicle is still low and they want to shoot for 18-20 mm. All will be determined on Wednesday as to when I do the trigger. I'm bummed though; I have only one follicle on my right this cycle. Nothing was showing up on the left.

I'll update as I can. Keep me posted!

My Husband is all for the DS too! It's now that he has no sperm to work with he does but it is very low and abnormal. IVF with ICSI is the only way But now that we made this decision we are very excited about it. It totally consumes my every minute of everyday though. Men handle things differently, I want to constantly talk about it and he is like "how many times can we talk about the same thing over and over" LOL! We paid out of pocket on this cycle, but my husbands insurance kicks in next month and if I read correctly it covers 50% of IUI and just co-pay on meds. I doubt it covers donor fees, and I hope it covers IUI when using a donor. How would they really know though? You pay out of pocket for donor. I am sorry you are only working with one follicle, but because there is only one it should be one very healthy strong one. It's quality not quantity! I would be a little upset about it too though. Cycles are so out of our hand and unpredictable and we just want everything to be perfect! You have a great number on your uterine lining! Anything over 5 is good and your already at 7 and your still not ready to drop that follicle! come to mind!! I am for you! Keep me updated I enjoy hearing from you truly!!! I have stopped BCP and waiting for ! Hurry, hurry, hurry...I can't believe I am so excited to get it, that's a first in my life, lol. I can't start my cycle until it starts! I started taking royal jelly bee pollen tablets(couldn't find the gel) and DHEA tablets to improve egg quality. Who knows if it works, but my last doctor wasn't impressed with the quality of my eggs, which I didn't believe it would be an issue because of my age. He did also say that medications can sometimes compromise the quality, but still I'm nervous. I will keep you updated, let me know how your appointment Wed. goes!

[lisa_kev]

Originally Posted by maybebaby1

My Husband is all for the DS too! It's now that he has no sperm to work with he does but it is very low and abnormal. IVF with ICSI is the only way But now that we made this decision we are very excited about it. It totally consumes my every minute of everyday though. Men handle things differently, I want to constantly talk about it and he is like "how many times can we talk about the same thing over and over" LOL! We paid out of pocket on this cycle, but my husbands insurance kicks in next month and if I read correctly it covers 50% of IUI and just co-pay on meds. I doubt it covers donor fees, and I hope it covers IUI when using a donor. How would they really know though? You pay out of pocket for donor. I am sorry you are only working with one follicle, but because there is only one it should be one very healthy strong one. It's quality not quantity! I would be a little upset about it too though. Cycles are so out of our hand and unpredictable and we just want everything to be perfect! You have a great number on your uterine lining! Anything over 5 is good and your already at 7 and your still not ready to drop that follicle! come to mind!! I am for you! Keep me updated I enjoy hearing from you truly!!! I have stopped BCP and waiting for ! Hurry, hurry, hurry...I can't believe I am so excited to get it, that's a first in my life, lol. I can't start my cycle until it starts! I started taking royal jelly bee pollen tablets(couldn't find the gel) and DHEA tablets to improve egg quality. Who knows if it works, but my last doctor wasn't impressed with the quality of my eggs, which I didn't believe it would be an issue because of my age. He did also say that medications can sometimes compromise the quality, but still I'm nervous. I will keep you updated, let me know how your appointment Wed. goes!

Hi Mabybaby1 & everyone else!

It's funny, I come home from the long journey of traveling to my center and log on here within minutes of getting home. I really enjoy chatting with you and appreciate your input and support.

Update on me. Had my bloodwork and ultrasound today (CD 14) looks like the 3 days is just what I needed because I'm ready to roll w/ our 1st IUI on Saturday. My uterine lining is at 9 and my one follicle has grown to 18.5. I trigger tomorrow night with Ovidrel and have an appointment Saturday at 9:30AM. I'm super excited and very nervous.

Quick question. How many vials of sperm are you and DH using? We elected to use just one this cycle because we've paid out of pocket for everything. My center says they typically do back-to-back IUI's and doing one isn't the norm for their center. My nurse asked why so and I told her because of paying out of pocket we wanted to see if one vial would do the trick. That makes me SUPER nervous! I'm curious to see what others have done with IUI's, particularly with donor IUI's.

Mabybaby1, have you started your cycle yet? Please keep posting. I will update as I can.