[lovebug1183]

My husband and I found out on Monday that we will have to use donor sperm in order to conceive. My husband has 2 brothers and we are considering asking them to be donors.

Has anyone done this? How did you approach asking the relative? What cost was involved?

Any experiences are welcomed and anyone who thought about this but decided against it, please share your opinions.

We appreciate your help in weighing our options!

[joy_bugg73]

Originally Posted by lovebug1183

My husband and I found out on Monday that we will have to use donor sperm in order to conceive. My husband has 2 brothers and we are considering asking them to be donors.

Has anyone done this? How did you approach asking the relative? What cost was involved?

Any experiences are welcomed and anyone who thought about this but decided against it, please share your opinions.

We appreciate your help in weighing our options!

Been there done that, sure wish the outcome would have been different .
My DH has a 20+ year post chemo history.

TESE or donor are our only hopes.

DH has an identical twin brother. Years ago while hubby was undergoing chemo the topic came up about what if he could not father a child. It was always understood that twin brother would be the donor of the genetic material.

My DH had a talk with his brother, twin brother said sure no prob . When twin brother talked it over with his wife the answer quickly became NO WAY and if you do I will leave you.

The pain and distain that has grown from this comment is immeasurable, not to mention hard to understand and painful for my DH.

We are going to go on with the TESE and place faith in God that there are a few healthy sperm…if there are we plan to fert ½ the eggs and freeze the rest. If it works WONDERFUL…if not we hope to have frozen eggs and will reconsider donor.

I think it would have been nice if the donor issue was presented as a back up plan as apposed to as an only way…If DH had said I am going to undergo a TESE and ONLY IF they don’t find any sperm we might use yours.

The long a short of it is that my DH’s identical twin brother said yes and his not so nice or companionate wife said no. Going to try and not rant…it is very painful.
Good luck.

I think most family members, would say yes.

I would give an egg or even and embryo to a sister or brother if there was a problem, maybe I am just different.

The way I look at it…if you have thought about asking you probably should, the thought is a suggestion that you are already aware of the closeness that exist in the family. If you thought there was no chance in H*** then you would not have thought of asking.

Good luck and let me know how things turn out!
I will be prayig for you and your hubby
Joy

[tygerlilly]

Originally Posted by joy_bugg73

Been there done that, sure wish the outcome would have been different .
My DH has a 20+ year post chemo history.

TESE or donor are our only hopes.

DH has an identical twin brother. Years ago while hubby was undergoing chemo the topic came up about what if he could not father a child. It was always understood that twin brother would be the donor of the genetic material.

My DH had a talk with his brother, twin brother said sure no prob . When twin brother talked it over with his wife the answer quickly became NO WAY and if you do I will leave you.

The pain and distain that has grown from this comment is immeasurable, not to mention hard to understand and painful for my DH.

We are going to go on with the TESE and place faith in God that there are a few healthy sperm…if there are we plan to fert ½ the eggs and freeze the rest. If it works WONDERFUL…if not we hope to have frozen eggs and will reconsider donor.

I think it would have been nice if the donor issue was presented as a back up plan as apposed to as an only way…If DH had said I am going to undergo a TESE and ONLY IF they don’t find any sperm we might use yours.

The long a short of it is that my DH’s identical twin brother said yes and his not so nice or companionate wife said no. Going to try and not rant…it is very painful.
Good luck.

I think most family members, would say yes.

I would give an egg or even and embryo to a sister or brother if there was a problem, maybe I am just different.

The way I look at it…if you have thought about asking you probably should, the thought is a suggestion that you are already aware of the closeness that exist in the family. If you thought there was no chance in H*** then you would not have thought of asking.

Good luck and let me know how things turn out!
I will be prayig for you and your hubby
Joy

I'm sorry you had to go through that, and we decided just to go straight to donor. I think my hubby didn't want to put that kind of a decision on his brother for the fear of what happened to you. And I agree.... if my sister needed my eggs... no questions asked they are hers lol.

I hope you get everything figured out!!!

[Airman'sBaby]

Originally Posted by joy_bugg73

DH has an identical twin brother. Years ago while hubby was undergoing chemo the topic came up about what if he could not father a child. It was always understood that twin brother would be the donor of the genetic material.

My DH had a talk with his brother, twin brother said sure no prob . When twin brother talked it over with his wife the answer quickly became NO WAY and if you do I will leave you.

I'm so sorry your SIL has made this so painful for you guys. I wonder if she realizes that her DH and your DH have the exact same genetic material.... *sigh* Some people just have to be so difficult!

[lisa_kev]

I am so sorry that your SIL is being a witch about all this. It really makes her true colors come thru, hugh? What would she want if she was in your shoes? People just don't seem to realize. DH and I are in a simular situation and in the end we've decided to use donor sperm. In fact, we've used donor sperm for all of our treatments. DH didn't want to go thru any more testing and find dissapointment, thus moving forward. In the beginning of all of this we thought of asking his 2 brothers. One would be somewhat mature about the matter, but he lives 4 states away and only comes home on holidays and the other would be childish about it. So, in the end we wanted to save our sanity and just use an unknown donor.

I hope you find the answers you need soon so you can move forward.

[joy_bugg73]

We have moved forward…we have a plan and we will see where God leads us . DH will undergo TESE , I will undergo IVF/ICSI… if it works great if not we are going to freeze some eggs and try later with donor sperm…if that is what we believe to be best for us at the time. For now we are going to give it 1 honest chance using DH sperm. After that we will look into donor.

Joy
You guys are wonderful

[lisa_kev]

Originally Posted by lisa_kev

I am so sorry that your SIL is being a witch about all this. It really makes her true colors come thru, hugh? What would she want if she were in your shoes? People just don't seem to realize. DH and I are in a simular situation and in the end we've decided to use donor sperm. In fact, we've used donor sperm for all of our treatments. DH didn't want to go thru any more testing and find dissapointment, thus moving forward. In the beginning of all of this we thought of asking his 2 brothers. One would be somewhat mature about the matter, but he lives 4 states away and only comes home on holidays and the other would be childish about it. So, in the end we wanted to save our sanity and just use an unknown donor.

I hope you find the answers you need soon so you can move forward.