[NM08]

Hi Kristine,
I understand what you are going through somewhat. My DH was diagnosed with NOA and we have opted for DS. He is fine with it. I was too until I started looking for donors. THen all these crazy thoughts came. Am am now at the point where I am trying to get over the anger part of it all. I have a surgery to go through first and then we are going to proceed with DS. I am hoping I can get through some of the questions and concerns I have about DS. It is not an easy thing.

Keep your head up. I know how hard this is. The answer will come. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

[biggsista]

We opted to use DS after we tried every other avenue and all our money was spent..we decided to go back to IUI's with doner sperm and on the second try it worked. It was not an easy decision though, we had many arguments and many tears. But after thinking and talking, we decided that this child will still be ours and my husband was really unselfish about doing this to make me happy, but I realized it will make him happy too..he gets to experience the ultrasounds the heartbeat, the first movements etc..all that we wouldnt have been able to share together otherwise. As far as us knowing the doner, I think that would have been a little weird feeling for both of us. We did see a social worker to go over the when and if to tell situations which really shed light on all of our questions and concerns. We talked about a bunch of different scenerios which helped alot. We also decided that we will tell the child but it will be us who tells him/her when we feel it is right, with that said we will not tell anyone else until we tell our child first down the road. We were told that doner children if they are talked to honestly and open feel special, that they were chosen especially to be with their parents who tried so hard to conceive but just needed a little help. It doesn't make them any less loved but more loved and more wanted. Well I wish you well with your decision..keep us posted

[WannBaby]

Hi FlaGolfer,
I noticed your postings are from 2007 but as I was poking around in this forum I came across your initial post and got chills. You and your wife (at the time of that post) were in the exact same position my husband and I are now.

My husband has non-obstructive azoospermia due to a chromosonal defect, balanced translocation. I have no problems to date. We've gone through all of the tests, biopsies, you name it. Our dr said we had a 12% chance of finding a normal sperm with the surgery. 12%! Not that they've found any sperm at all but apparently something in the biopsy/tissue made them believe that we'd have 30-40% of finding sperm. Then our dr calculate that with the chromosonal issue... it'd come down to a 12% chance of finding a healthy one. (sigh)

So here we are, getting our finances in order cause we need around $10,000 to get this all taken care of.
Cause we've decided, after several months of letting all of this information and the 12% sit a little, that we're going to try IVF with his surgery first... and if that doesn't work we'd try donor sperm.

He's the one who's totally about using the DS. He strongly believes that he's ok with it... this way at least the child is 50% biologically ours. I, on the other hand, feel totally wrong about it. Like it's not fair. He's all about me experiencing being pregnant and all and him experiencing that with me. But that's not that important to me. What's important to me is to have kids in the house and to raise them together. Little ones to love and nurture... whether they're born of me or not. Plus, I fear that I will just start crying every time I'd see him with the child... feeling terrible or sorry about it all. Geez!
And regarding the DS... like you, I have many questions also. What if they have 50 siblings we don't know about and they marry one? Do we tell that child the truth, ever? If we never tell... the child will never know and will never suffer through those unexplained questions/doubts. If we do tell... will that child regret our decision, think we were selfish, etc?

I know by this time... you and your wife have probably already gone through the motions and have made certain decisions. But if you can share how it's going and what steps you've taken and how it's affected your relationship... I'd so appreciate it. I'm sure, in some way, it'll give me some guidance or peace on our own decision.

Thanks