[bd711]

Good morning, all!

I had my calendar appointment yesterday, which didn't tell me anything I didn't know from the paperwork. But my attempt to switch out any of the shots for patches or pills was useless. When I told the nurse about my hesitancy to give myself the IM shot for estrogen (in the Phoenix hotel room), she shrugged me off - "it's easy!" Yeah, easy for her to say.

One interesting thing was she suggested we not call in to get the ER number, and wait until the fertilization report the next day. For her, it only leads to disappointment that is unnecessary when the number decreases as it most likely will. Interesting, I thought. We'll see what DP and I decide to do.

J-Lyn - When looking for an ED, two helpful pieces of advice I got were to look at the ASRM-approved list of agencies (they meet certain minimum requirements). And if you have access to the nurse at your clinic that coordinates with the agency, find out which ones she finds good to work with. Some of these agencies seem less legit than others. Other than that, just see which ones feel most comfortable for you with the information they provide.

Also, you may have asked me this on another thread, but DP and I also don't know our sperm donor. He's an anonymous donor from the California Cryobank. Though, after 2 years of paying for storing him and taking him for rides in a tank on occassion, I feel like I'm getting to know him. So, yes, our child will be completely from anonymous, yet well-researched, DNA.

Hope everyone's having a good weekend. And Kristen, I'll be thinking of you on Sunday - so soon!

[Kay]

Thanks for the advice ladies on my party dilema. I am praying that the retreval actually takes palce on Mon or Wed instead.
I did do some reading on bed rest after transfer and most articles so it isn't necessary. I however don't want to be able to blame myself if it doesn't work. I think I will make the party for later in the day, so I can rest early, and make all the food the day before. DH is a dear and I know he will help me a lot.
You women are all dears too. I appreciate your support!!
Kay

[Kay]

Bethany- I can understnad not wanting to give yourself IM shots! You are a brave, brave woman. I hope everything is going well!
Kay

[Kay]

Kristen- ing for the er for tommorow! How are you holding up?
Kay

[chantalTTC]

hi ladies - thanks for the well wishes. The ER went well today - 15 eggs as we expected. We'll get the fert report tomorrow (mercifully they're calling at 7:45 so we don't have to wait all day!). I'll post our results - I'm pretty sure they're planning ICSI, so hopefully things go well.

I tell ya, if you ever make it to Denver, the Brown Palace is the place to stay. My dh and I had an amazing 24 hours from the dinner at the Palace Arms, the luxurious hotel room and breakfast the next moring. I felt very pampered, which is nice going into this week!

[Kay]

Kristen- Wonderful news! 15 eggs is great. I'm looking forward to hearing a good fert report. Your weekend sounded wonderful. Good timing for a relaxing pampering time. for you.
Kay

[chantalTTC]

Ok...here's the deal. I'm trying to stay positive remembering that I only need one, but panic is slowly settling in. Here's our report on 1dp retrieval:

15 eggs
14 mature
13 - ICSI performed (1 didn't progress to this point)
6 - no pronuclei formed, meaning fertilization did not occur
1 - only 1 pronuclei formed - the embryologist thinks this one will not progress
6 - 2 pronuclei formed, which is what they expect

So, essentially out of 15 good eggs, we only have 6 that are progressing normally. Even the embryologist was at a loss and 'very disappointed'. I have a sinking feeling in my gut that it is the sperm... We started to suspect we had both FF and MF infertility issues after our 4th IVF last January. We had my dh's sperm tested for % DNA fragmentation (SCSA diagnostic test) and it came back in the poor range (52% were abnormal). DH improved some environmental factors and took a ton of vitamins, we retested and got 29%, in the good range, but only 1% away from poor... My RE was still adamant that the real problem was my eggs; I have always had doubts.

Now we have odd results from what we can safely assume are good quality eggs (donor had excellent fertilization on last two donor cycles). Coincidentally, I had a dream last night that the embryologist called to tell us that of 15 only 2 had developed into blastocysts, though they were looking good. For some reason he also told us the sex: one girl, one boy. So I'm trying to stay positive that even if we only have one or two embies out of this, that will be just fine. We want to have a singleton out of this cycle and are undecided on going back later for an FET to hope to have a second child.

I'm at a loss - even though I'd prepared myself for anything, when you hit a bump in the road, it's hard to keep up the positive attitude. I had really hoped for better fertilization and development... Now I get worried that the sperm might cause genetic abnormalities or something. Will this hell ever end?

Any words of wisdom?

[bd711]

Kristen - Now I see why my nurse coordinator suggests we not call in to find out how many eggs were retrieved - it only leads to needless disappointment. If I understand your fertilization report correctly, you have 6 embryos that are developing well. That is really good. Especially if you're hoping for 1 kid, maybe 2. And thinking through the percentages my doctor's office has given me for how many one might get from that number of eggs, it sounds right.

I know it feels like a bump in the road, but just visualize those 6 growing, growing, growing. And try to carry your fabulous relaxation from the weekend into your waiting time this week. Those little guys will be back in you where they belong sooner than you think. I'll be thinking of you!

B

[chantalTTC]

Bethany, you are so right! I guess my RE assumes telling us we retrieved 15 eggs isn't more than we already knew, since they give us follie counts along the way (maybe they shouldn't even do that, but I know I for one would go out of my mind without the reports every other day!). But I totally see your point. I think I had such high hopes because I'd heard of high donor results compared to regular IVF...I guess I should remember as you say that it only takes one or two.

Thanks for the encouragement!

[bd711]

Kristen - You are right about the high donor results as opposed to us "older" moms-to-be. So, those ones that are growing are likely to be far better quality than we'd have with our own. About not getting daily reports - I hear you. It's much easier for me to say right now that I wouldn't find out the retreival number - we'll see what I say in a month!

So, I was able to convince our nurse coordinator to change the dates of my estrogen shots a bit - so I won't be doing the first two shots in Phoenix and during our friend's wedding. I get to do them 1 night before. I'm glad I pushed it; though the nurse thought it wouldn't be a big deal, it seems huge to me to do my own shots in a strange place (and drag the whole sharps container around to boot!). I'm relieved - and then excited when I realize that my first estrogen shot is just 2 weeks from tomorrow! I'm right behind the rest of you!!!

B

[kidake]

Kristen,
Sorry to barge in but I thought it would be easier than going back to my original thread.

Don't get discouraged. A friend of mine just had a donor cycle and the retreived 38 eggs, 23 fertilized and there were 5 embryo's after 5 days. They put back two and she's pregnant with twins and the other 3 are frozen.

[chantalTTC]

wow! Thanks kidake! That's very encouraging... Congrats to your friend!

[chantalTTC]

Ok...I'm feeling a bit better about the results, at least for the next 30 mins (that's about how far out my horizon is right now!). I was reading on another thread that there are couples who actually limit the number of fertilized eggs, as for religious/moral reasons they prefer to avoid 'creating more life' than necessary. I disagree with this approach as it limits your odds of success I think. However, I get their point and it's a very personal decision for each couple as to what you'll do with the 'leftover' embies (freeze, donate to science or donate for adoption or destroy). The ladies who chose to limit fertilization were setting the limit at 6 or 8 (even if they had many more mature eggs!). So if I look at it that way, I guess we're not so bad off if people actually strive for our number of fertilized eggs.

I know - maybe I'm grasping at straws now... LOL

[kandygurl1971]

Hi Ladies,

I was just informed today going the route of either ED or DE is going to be my best option for having carrying and birthing a child of my own. This has been really hard for me to comprehend and I so still want to fuss and argue with my RE. Well actually it's an RE I was referred to to perform surgery on me for a cycst and fibrolds who just took me through a whole battery of test again, HSG, HSSG, AMH, FSH, Ahibin B. Well my FSH came back as 10.8 but my estradoil as 93 on cd3. His take is my FSH is proabbly really more in the 20's but is being suppressed because of my high estradoil.
Being how expensive a IVF DE cycle is I doubt that I will ever be able to pursue that route unless I hit the lottery.
I've already hit the internet looking for holistics ways to lower what I may have called estrogen dominance or even accupuncture. But it just all seems like so much.
What other options did any of you ladies pursue before finally deciding to use DE. What are the cost associated the Donor Eggs versus embryos?
My DH keeps asking me what is more important to me having a biological child of our own or just going through the 9 months of carrying a child and experiencing childbirth? Right now I can't really say, I think most women want to experience motherhood from conception to childbirth but there are also many who says they become a mother when they held their child for the first time whether they birthed them or not.
I'm so torn and have been crying all weekend long. I wish I didn't have to go through this and was able to conceive like most of the female population but what can I do. For right now I'll just continue to hope and pray that I am one of those women who are told that can't get pregnant and then miracles of all miracles they are able to conceive.
You ladies are so brave. One day I'm pretty sure you can't wait to share your childs story with them of how much they loved and wanted.
Good luck to you all.

[chantalTTC]

kandygurl - I know what you are going through...it wasn't overnight that I decided to go the DE route. I still grieve for not being able to conceive with my dh and have a child that is genetically mine. It's hard for me to accept (since I believe in natural selection, etc) that my genes weren't good enough to carry on... I see all these welfare moms having tons of kids and I wonder why their genes are deemed superior??? Ok, off my soapbox...

I feel for you, hon. None of us expected to get to this point and if you're anything like, me, you will always refuse to give in completely to the fact that there is zero hope of conceiving on your own, no matter what your RE tells you. For me, it came down to the fact that I'm going to be 35 and my dh is turning 40. The odds of our conceiving with my eggs through IVF were 5-10% but over 75% with donor egg IVF. So I'm playing the odds, because for me it's more important to be a mom than the package my child comes in. I'd prefer to go DE IVF than adoption (at least for our 1st child) as I do really want to experience pregnancy, childbirth, breastfeeding, etc.

As for the money question...that's obviously a tough one. It's something we both want so badly so we made it work. We still had $6500 left on our insurance (of $20k lifetime fertility benefits) but we are out of pocket $18,500 plus another $2,500 for meds. It's a tough pill to swallow, but the potential benefit is worth every penny...

I wish you all the best on your journey and know that you have tons of support here if you need it.