[natalie28]

Hi Ladies, I need some advice. My RE called us in Monday to let us know that I have passed into the twig light phase of menopause (I know that is bad) but he also had some good news- he gave us good chances with trying IVF with an ED. It may sound early, but I am excited. It is fast, we do it in April!

So on to the question, DH wants to tell our families- first grandchild on both sides and we have not told anyone about anything that has been going on. I am just afraid they might try to talk us out of it and going with adoption. We do plan to adopt if this doesn't work, but we wanted to try this first. Also, if it doesn't work everyone will know and we will have to talk about it.

What have been your experiences with telling your families?

natalie28

me-28
DH-28
2 Dogs- Butter and Maggie
- 2 cats- Josie and Scruffy
2005- diagnosed with Hodgkin’s
9/06 - Finished chemo and radiation
10/07- First meeting with RE to find out that the chemo caused me to go into early menopause and have POF (even though I asked about saving eggs)
10/07 FSH at 51
12/21- FSH at my lowest- 38

[mnm000]

It's definitely a huge decision. There was another thread where someone posted on this forum she had told her MIL about using DE (also a cancer survivor), and now she is preggo, and found out her MIL told a lot of people! Now she is concerned someone is going to make comments at an inappropriate time to the child.
I haven't personally been very open with my own IF journey, just because I'm not that open of a person. I don't want to have a lot of people knowing what I'm going through or judging me for what we are doing. If you do tell people you have to have a very thick skin. All kinds of unintelligent comments... "you're so young, it'll just happen. .... relax... blah blaah"
Well congratulations on getting to this point, and best of luck with whatever you choose!

[infertilitynovice]

I think it really depends on your relationship with both sides of the family. Do they have enough integrity and respect for you and your DH to support your choices? My DH and I are trying to decide if IUI with DS is for us. If we go this route, I don't believe we'll tell his family. They can be self-righteous and, unfortunately, they are close-minded and firmly believe in bloodlines. If the IVF with ED doesn't work, why would everyone know? Perhaps, if you decide to disclose this info to your families, you should set some "ground rules" for the conversation. You could explain first that it should be kept within in the family (if that is a concern) and that you and DH are looking for support, understanding, and love and they should keep personal judgements to themselves. That's my plan anyway (if we choose to disclose our choice to anyone)...good luck and best wishes for success!

[lilac]

I'm single and ttc with donor sperm, so my situation's a little different, but I was really careful about who I told that I'm trying. I told my parents and my brother, but I made it perfectly clear that I didn't want the news getting around, and I trust them to abide by my wishes on that.

There are a couple of other people that I wanted to tell, because I've very close to them and I think they'd support me, but they are total blabbermouths and I have no confidence at all that they'd be able to keep it quiet.

So, I'd say tell the people closest to you if you wish to, but make sure you trust them to not talk about it, if you don't want that happening. If you can't trust them not the spread it about, then I'd think twice!

Good luck!

[biggsista]

Hi Natalie,
We decided to move on trying doner sperm -although we both were told we had issues and the best bet would be doner everything with IVF- we didnt have the money after 2 failed ivfs using our own so we opted to try doner iui's and thankfully the second one worked.

We decided not to tell a soul because we would rather tell our child ourselves when the time is right and not for him/her to hear it from anyone else but us. Sometimes I do feel like its a big secret and I dont like it but we are doing this in our childs best interest. I can't imagine hearing anything from anyone besides us.

We came to this decision after speaking with a social worker and also after telling some close family and friends about our failed IVF's I didnt like some of the comments that were coming back to me..a friend told me that a friend of my husbands was talking about us having kids and saying how my husband had to do "it" in a cup quite a few times...that royally p'd me off and I have trouble trusting anyone now especially with such private choices. Anywho, talk it out and the social worker helped us alot.

[natalie28]

Thank you all for your support! The more I think about it I just don't want to tell. The problem is my MIL. A couple of years ago I told her about a friend of mine who has PCOS and has been going through fertility treatments for a couple of years. She went off on how they just needed to relax and wait. She put down all fertility treatments you can imagine. I told her she might feel different if it were one of her kids going through this. She assured me that her sons all were extra fertile and that would never be an issue.

infertilitynovice, I thought of just telling my family and not DH's, but our families are really close and I know it would hurt them if we told our side and not his.

Anyways, thanks again for all of your support and just for being here. This is a great forum!!!!!!

natalie28

me-28
DH-28
2 Dogs- Butter and Maggie
- 2 cats- Josie and Scruffy
2005- diagnosed with Hodgkin’s
9/06 - Finished chemo and radiation
10/07- First meeting with RE to find out that the chemo caused me to go into early menopause and have POF (even though I asked about saving eggs)
10/07 FSH at 51
12/21- FSH at my lowest- 38