[Renae]

Found out a few days ago that DH has poor morphology (0-4%). We had been TTC for 11 months--I figured out after the first couple months that I did not O, and was put on Clomid by my OB/Gyn...but he did not follow me at all--I didn't O on the lower doses, but he didn't do labs or anything except the one time I literally begged them to order a progesterone level.
I switched doctors and have been receiving excellant care! At the first visit, he ordered told me my dose was probably not high enough and he also ordered a S/A on DH just to cover all the basis. I will find out in a few days whether this last dose of clomid worked fo me (based off progesterone level).
DH will do a repeat S/A on 2/7 and then sees a urologist on 2/21.
Naturally, I have been up and down emotionally since I found out and DH had a few days where he was pretty down.
At this point I know our options are pretty much IVF w/ ICSI--and we haven't even seen the doctor yet. I am wondering about IUI with donor sperm. Unfortunately, I married for love instead of money and we both are passionate about our careers--we make decent money, but the cost of everything really scares me.
Has anyone done IUI with donor sperm from someone you know (i.e. DH's brother)? Do they try not to do that because of the psychological factors?
DH and my mom are the only ones who know about DH's issue. Then a sister-in-law on each side of the family know that I have been on clomid.
Trying to stay positive...but we all know that only can last so long.

[jencat215]

Renae! I don't know about donor sperm, but I do know that some women have their sisters donate eggs. I am sure that if your DH has a brother willing to donate, it won't be a problem as long as it isn't a problem for you guys.

Has your DH tried anything to boost his counts? I know that there are things out there that can increase (zinc is good for that, then there are some fertility blend vitamins that I have heard others talk about). I hope you can do IUI with your DH's sperm. Maybe the urologist will have some answers for you.

All the best.

[Renae]

We haven't done anything at all as of now. From what I've read and heard from others, poor morphology is nearly impossible to correct, yet they may "try" things for several months "just to see."
I feel funny even thinking about DH's brother being a donor, but I have not thought anything like "My brother-in-law would be my baby's daddy."
DH is not very close with his siblings, but gets along well with this brother and we go out of town every few months to visit them (5 hours away).
Time will tell...but the waiting is what is so terrible!
But then again, I thought I had a chemical pg last fall. I had a few BFP's on a couple different days one HPT was a regular (lines) and another kind was digital. But then the ones I took a few days later were negative. I did have a blood HCG drawn and that was negative. I was on BCP at the time, but was taking doxycyline (for acne) which I know can decrease the effectiveness of BCP--but I didn't care. And I can't seem to find that the antibiotic can cause false-positive HPT's. The chance of two brands of HPT's showing false-positives on different days seems to be quite slim, but who knows.

[infertilitynovice]

My DH and I are in a very similar situation. We thought we could do the IVF w/ ICSI and insurance would pay if I had endo...but my endo isn't advanced enough for insurance to pay and IVF w/ ICSI is $20000 ~ way above what we can selfpay. Anyway, we're looking at IUI with DS now too. Personally, I would NOT want my BIL as a donor. In our situation, he's not a great person and has a drug and alcohol history. I've been searching on line for donors. So far, so good. I guess the best thing to do is keep communication open and frequent with your DH. My DH and I are going to talk to a counselor both together and individually. This is a huge decision and I don’t want either of us to rush into anything. As of now, we’re not planning to disclose the IUI w/ DS to anyone. If we decide to tell the child later in life (possibly for med reasons), I want that to be our choice. People in our families like to talk too much and I’m afraid that someone will let it “slip”.



Anyway, good luck and best wishes for success!

[foxxy]

Renae,

Sorry your DH is faced with this issue. I don't think it is ever easy, but hopefully his urologist can shed some light on his situation to make it possible for IUI.

If not, DS is a hard decision to make for sure. We had to use DS and the process was horrific, but we did it and are soooooo happy we did. DH and I both went to counseling at the RE's office, which did us both a world of good. They laid out all the pros and cons to help us make our decision. DH is the only child, but even if he had a brother, I don't think I could deal with the obvious. I feel much better not knowing who the father is, as it makes it much easier to enjoy this pregnancy with DH and not even thinking about using a donor. I always say OUR baby(ies) when talking about the pregnancy.

Good luck to you!! I hope all fairs well with DH and the urologist.

[daisy2006]

My husband and I are going through a very similar situation. We are actually meeting w/ our RE tommorow to go over our "options". From what I understand our options are DS or IVF. I am very torn w/ what we should proceed w/ first. I am not sure we want to risk spending $20,000 (which we would have to take out a loan to afford) on a procedure that may or may not work. But if we go with the DS first, will we regret not trying IVF?? It is so confusing.

We both agreed that we would NOT use DS from his brother. Even though they look very similar, it would be very odd to both of us. We will most likely choose the donor based on a few very important traits.

Has anyone ever hear of them mixing DH sperm w/ DS and doing IUI ? That way you really don't know for sure which one fertilized the egg. Then again, that might drive me crazy always wondering.

I guess we'll see tommorow what the next step is!

[odmom2b]

I don't know much about DS, but we did use DE. I had first approached a close friend about using her as the donor, and while she was considering it I was surprised at my emotions. I was really jealous! I guess that I was jealous that she was young, still had good ovarian reserve (I guess--I really didn't know b/c she had never had children and her hormone levels were never checked), and that my child would be 1/2 of her genes and not mine. Fortunately for all of us, she backed out. Whew! There was another person that we spoke to who I did not know well and was referred to us by another woman who had used DE, and she did not qualify. Ultimately, we used an anonymous donor and I am thrilled about it. I have no preconceived ideas about her to compare myself to (other than her age, but I am good w/that), I have no fears of her ever trying to have a role in my child's life, and I won't constantly be reminded that she is the real genetic link to my child (and not me) at family functions, Christmas, etc.... Everyone needs to do what they feel is best, and that is what surprisingly turned out best for us. Using a relative would be less expensive, and you may need to go that route just for that reason. In our case, however, I am so grateful that it just worked out that we went w/an anonymous donor. I don't think that I could have handled a relative or friend--although, at first I really thought that a known donor was best. Your DH needs to consider that for himself, put himself in that situation, and think about if it would nag at him or make him jealous. If not, then more power to him--he is a much bigger man than I was woman! Good luck!