[anondonor]

Hi - I hope this is the right forum to bring this up in. I'm an egg donor, and I've heard that occasionally the recipients are able to leave a little note or flowers for the donor though the clinic. I think this is a great gesture, and I'd really like to leave something for my recipients as well, maybe for the transfer, just to let them know I'm thinking of them and wishing them luck, etc.

My question is: what do you guys think is appropriate? I don't know how comfortable my recipients are in terms of anonymity, or if they'll think that it's awkward to get a note/gift from me. Is it easier for recipients not to have any contact with the donor, especially as they're waiting for the outcome of the donation?

The nurse coordinator said it was fine to leave a note for them, but I want to get y'alls thoughts as well. If I wanted to leave a little gift too, do you have any suggestions what would be appreciated, but not awkward?

I'd love suggestions for completely anonymous (like not knowing anything at all) to semi-anonymous (only knowing first names, or maybe having had a brief in-person meeting, but nothing else).

Thanks so much for your help. I really wish all of you ladies the best!!

[laurengator]

I am actually using a known donor, but I think that is VERY kind of you. I think a simply note without any names at all would be wonderful.

You are doing a fabulous thing!

[Cheri]

I think this is very sweet and thoughtful of you! I've thought about a note and a gift for my donor, but wasn't sure if it is appropriate. It's funny how we women can bound with another woman we've never had any contact with, but I do feel a tie.

A suggestion for the gift? You're already giving so much, I can't think of anything that could mean more! Maybe a note sharing your thoughts about the donor process and what it's meant to you. I would probably add it to my baby book, others might keep it just to themselves, but it would still be meaningful!

Thank you for helping another woman fulfill her dream of motherhood!!

[imagiccat]

That really is so sweet and thoughtful of you! As Cheri pointed out, you're already giving so much -- the eggs and a chance at life!

I've been trying to figure out a little gift (and what to write in the note) for our donor. I don't know if she will ever fully understand what she is doing for us, but I hope one day she can grasp the scope of it. So many of our dreams are coming from her willingness and kindness.

Personally, I wouldn't feel it was invasive to receive a note from our donor. I would treasure it, and like Cheri, it would undoubtedly go in the baby book. Something as personal as that would seem incredible to me.

I don't know about everyone though. Maybe you could ask your donor coordinator how she thinks your particular couple would feel about hearing from you?

I think it's sweet that you're even considering it.

[janehill]

As has been said, this is so very nice of you to think of and shows that you care above all else.

I would also suggest something of the greatest value - a note telling them how special this experience was for you and whatever you feel inside about it. It would just be a very nice thing for them to share with their child at a later date and give even more context to the way in which they came into the world.

Best wishes for a plentiful retrieval.

Jane

[bd711]

OK, I'm only going to repeat what everyone else here has said -- it is so sweet that you are thinking of leaving a note and a gift for your recipient. A note letting them know how this process was for you - especially if it was positive - will be so meaningful.

As far as a gift, though, you have really already given them the most awesome gift in the world. So I actually suggest you write a note and then get yourself a gift. I'm sure your recipients would be thrilled to know that you are treating yourself well after giving them the incredible gift of life.

[dawnm419]

My husband and I have been talking about giving a gift to our donor and are not sure what to give. Since it is anonymous, we don't know how her experience has been. She is giving us the gift of life and we will be forever grateful - so what is appropriate? I was thinking a necklace or something like that. My husband is torn because if it has been negative for her or if she has problems in the future, will this always be a reminder? What do I do?

[chantalTTC]

We gave a heartfelt letter (no names because ours was anonymous) to our donor. I considered a gift but to me it felt awkward. I did think about a guardian angel pin. That's something that she could put somewhere she'd see often but there's no concern about difference of style, or feeling it was too flashy or not nice enough, etc. you know? Good luck in your DE cycle!!

[Godiva4me]

Ditto all the sentiments that have already been mentioned. I would love to have a note from my donor telling me a little bit about herself on a more personal level such as what prompted her to want to be a donor and what this experience has meant to her. Any note, no matter how short or long would be cherished for a lifetime. I think it is an awesome idea. I purchased a gift for my donor, (a Brighton bracelet and of course I am going to leave a card with it as well). I think jewelry is a nice gesture and it doesn't have to be extravagant. Composing the card is going to be the difficult task, how do you summarize the magnitude of this gift?
My donor coordinator said it wasn't necessary for me to get a gift, but I want to. Even if the experience ends up not being the best for her, I want her to know that I appreciated her sacrifices and kindness.

Anondonor: From a donor's perspective... when should I have the gift waiting for her.... at one of her appts. or at the retrieval date? I don't think it's necessary for you to leave anything but a card/note. If you insist, why not just a small plant/spring flower or inexpensive cut flowers.
Your recipients are very lucky to have such a caring donor!

Thank you again for thinking to ask us recipients our thoughts.

[sunshine7482]

Originally Posted by Cheri

A suggestion for the gift? You're already giving so much

I agree. A gift might make a recepient uncomfortable. Gifts usually create expectation for reciprocity. I mean when a friend gives you a gift, you usually think "OK I need to give her a gift, too"

But a note saying "I got your <note/flowers...> and I am very happpy/excited/... and wish you the best..." or something like that. Something that doesn't necessary invite to the further conversation.

Personally, I want to know as little about the donor as possible. I will be very grateful to the donor, but if it works out and I have a baby, I want to think of this babay as MY baby. I'm afraid that having ties with the donor would interfere with my bonding process.

But I'm just guessing, of course.

[anondonor]

Originally Posted by Godiva4me

Anondonor: From a donor's perspective... when should I have the gift waiting for her.... at one of her appts. or at the retrieval date?

For me personally: I liked going in for retrieval and finding out that a small gift/note was left for me. During the recovery time in the next few days, it was really nice to be able to read the note and remember why I had gone through everything.