[dherbert]

Originally Posted by Leah00

Danielle, I have no good advice for you like the other ladies, I just want to say that I'm really sorry this is happening to you and I hope things start looking up soon. You are such a sweetie for being so supportive to me about my problems with my sister while all this was happening to you! (((hugs)))

Thanks Leah! I still hope you can find a way to be able to help your Sister out, or that your StepFather changes his ways.

[Sweetpea]

danielle,
I think that its great that you shared whats going on. It takes alot of courage to deal w something of that magnitude, and being open and honest w yourself and the situation are important. Good for you for moving though time!! I can only imagine how hard each day must be.
I cant help but remember the part of one of your posts that said that sometimes you dont even want to talk to your husband on the phone. I think its so normal to feel resentment. Its probably even one of the stages of dealing and coping. Of course you need space, and are blaming him, I would be too. Just try, in the process not to inflict too much lasting damage. You want to be able to feel close when he does get out. Its going to be such a special and irreplaceable chapter, w your new baby. You dont want to tarnish it. be true to your feelings, but try to do damage control too, if you can,at all (I probably couldnt).

Its going to be hard until hes out, theres no way around it. But, at least his time didnt start right before the birth! When youre really going to be able to use him is in those newborn days. And just think about how penitent and willing to do night feedings he's going to be after putting his dear, sweet, pregnant wife through this separation and anxiety! Good luck. I want to hear all updates.

Melissa-so funny. I loved the story and advice! when my Dh gets arrested someday, I want you on our legal team! lol.

[infertilitynovice]

Thanks Marie!!! (LOL!!)

So, who has a crisis today that we can help with? Danielle, Leah, and I have all shared...who is next? I might have to sign this baby over to the IRS to pay off my husband's insane debt, can anybody beat that?

Oh, and do you think Ritalin can be given to an infant? Boy, this kid is active!!!!

[dherbert]

Marie, Thanks so much for that, you are absolutely right about everything you said. I already know and so does DH, that I am going to own him for quite some time when he comes home!LOL I will probably not see him to much after the birth, because he will be working his tush off so I can stay home for a while, I cant wait!!!!


Melissa, I dont think ritalin would do the trick, the baby is feeding off your energy, so maybe, Mom needs some ritalin!LOL


So is everyone feeling the baby yet? I have definately been feeling wormy moving in my stomach. It seems like I feel it a lot while I am sitting at my desk at work, but then not so much in the evening, I wonder why that would be???

[infertilitynovice]

LOL!! You're so funny Danielle! I'm way highstrung, that's for sure. But, I don't think Ritalin is the cure for that...valium or xanex maybe? LOL!! Actually, I was a totally mellow as a baby. Apparently, I slept the first 15 months of my life, so I guess I'm making up for that now

Isn't this just the most amazing feeling you've ever had? I like the "wormy" description, that's better for me than "fluttery" or "gassy". I think everyone's experience is different though. I feel my little one more in the afternoon and later at night. I think everybody's different with that too.

I asked DH last night if he felt jealous that I get to feel the baby. Do you know what he said? He said that he wouldn't want to feel that, that it kinda creeps him out. LOL!!! There's a man for ya! He's excited to get to feel the baby later, but he said the idea of something living inside him gives him the willies!!!! That just cracks me up!!

Am I the only one left here that used donor sperm? Amzippity did too, but she's dropped off again. I'm starting to feel concerned again that the baby is going to look like the donor and not like me. I guess these feelings are normal though. That's one of the reasons I hope this little one is a girl. Since we're not open about the DS use, I figure I'll have less to explain if this child is a girl since girl's aren't really supposed to look like their fathers. I can't really pick anything out on me that looks like my father. I'm the spitting image of my mother, we even have the same voice. And she looks just like her mother (well, actually like Bette Midler but with a slightly different nose), and so on and so on. We all even have the same mole in the same spot, kinda cool, right? Before, we decided to use DS instead of trying for a reversal, I was worried about DH's family history of Bipolor Disorder. Both his sister and aunt commited suicide as a result of living with the disease. I wonder sometimes if DH's son isn't going to develope it later too. DH and his mother (my MIL) aren't Bipolor but both deal with depression. So, I guess there are pros and cons to everything.

Do any of you worry about your children developing something in the family's history (on either side)?

[dherbert]

Melissa, About the girl looking like the Mother, not always true! I look just like my Father, and my Lil Sister looks 100% like her deadbeat Father, "oops did'nt mean to say that" I resemble our Mother a little but my sister is all her Father! I think no matter what he/she looks like, there will be no questions asked if you and DH have not told people. Some children just really dont look a lot like either parents. I have a cousin who is the spitting image of his great uncle but does not look like his Mom/Dad at all, kinda wierd.


My Mother and my Father both suffer from depression and have been diagnosed bi-polar and are on meds for it. I have a hard time with the whole hereditary thing when it comes to depression. I am not 100% certain I buy that. There are so many people today living with depression and on medication for depression, I think its more a social disease than hereditary. I feel that depression manifests itself in many different ways and for many different reasons, that it truely depends on your up bringing & things that happen in your life from a very young age, as to whether you will suffer with it or not. I am 32 and my Brother is 36 & neither of us have depression issues, however, I can see my Lil Sister developing problems later in life, & this worries me. I dont worry about my children suffering from depression from hereditary causes at all.

[dherbert]

Hey Ladies, If you have not read the triplet mommies thread, go on & send your prayers to Laura. She went into labor at I believe 23 weeks, she has lost two little boys so far, and her little girl is hanging in there staying strong. Her family needs as much support as possible right now. So truely sad & unfair.

[eggy]

As for the genetics of appearance, I look like both my mother and my father -- but I sound exactly like my mother. Meanwhile, my husband looks exactly like his mother.

[infertilitynovice]

I totally agree with you both Eggy and Danielle about a child's looks. It just so happens in my family that all us girls look like our mothers, but I do know that is possible this one to not look like me (even if it is a girl). My point is that it seems, in my experience, people look to girls to look like their moms and boys to look like their dads. If this one is a girl and doesn't look like either of us then it is less suspicious than if it is a boy that doesn't look anything like his dad. I think too, I'm just being really paranoid about DH's parents asking questions later on. Only time will tell.

About the depression issue, I too suffer from situational depression and was in a situation where I needed meds for a little while several years ago. Generally, I don't think I'm someone who suffers from depression though. Danielle, I certainly agree that a lot of it has to do with the situation. But, there is a chemical component too and links have been made within families, especially with Bi-Polor Disorder. A friend of mine has this very rare catatonic depression that hits the men in her family around the age of 50...like to the point where they don't know their names, where they are, they have trouble recognizing people, and start having debilitating panic attacks. And it isn't early onset Alzhiemers (sp?) or Dementia, it is a severe type of depression. She's had to move in with her father to help take care of him while he gets his meds regulated. It is so sad.

I have small cell cancer on my mom's dad's side. He and 2 of the 4 brothers have all died from cancer that starts in the bones and kills them a few months later as brain cancer. But, that isn't going to stop me from having a child, however, it is important that we know these things about our families.

So sorry to hear about the lady with triplets, absolutely devastating. I'll be sure to add her and her family to my prayer list tonight.

[eggy]

Melissa-

If your child (male or female) doesn't look like you or your husband, I doubt anyone would be seriously suspicious.

When my brother was little, he was a towhead, while the rest of us have dark hair. When he was about three years old, someone asked him, "Who in your household has blond hair?" My brother paused and thought for a bit before answering, "The pool man!"

I've also heard stories from parents of biracial children who are asked when they adopted their (biological) babies. It's a stupid, insensitive thing to ask. But people often say stupid and insensitive things (as those of us who have struggled to get pregnant have learned).

Also, keep in mind that people see what they want to see. For example, people sometimes will tell me how much I look like my stepfather, not realizing that he's not my biological father. I know it's meant as a compliment, so I smile and say thank you. He and my mom have been together for over 26 years, so I suspect I may have picked up some of his habits and mannerisms along the way -- and that makes me as much his kid as it makes me my mom's and dad's.

[infertilitynovice]

Eggy ~ Thanks for your support and kind words. I've heard the same thing from other people about children looking like nonbio parents. I think there is something to living with someone for so long too. One certainly does start to pick up little things here and there. And older couples seem to look alike often.

And how does "towhead" = blonde? I've never heard that term in my life. Do you pronounce it "tow" as in "tow a car?" Learnin' new things here

So, has anyone given any though to carriers vs. slings/wraps for carrying the baby? Babies in front carriers always look so uncomfortable to me. If anyone else is looking into the wraps, do you have a scoop for me?

[eggy]

Melissa, yep, towhead means blond, and is pronounced just the way you think, like to tow a car or the toe on your foot. I don't often use this expression, but it's what my parents used to describe my brother when he was little. Now at 25, his hair has darkened, but is not quite as dark as anyone else's in the family either. Maybe he is the poolman's kid after all?

[GEwifey]

U know when me, DH and the boys are out together, we usually have someone tells us that my oldest looks like him, and the youngest looks like me. Well DH isn't their biological father, so we all smile and say thank you.

What about the couples who look like each other?

[infertilitynovice]

Originally Posted by GEwifey

What about the couples who look like each other?

Haven't you ever seen older couples that have been together forever that have similar looks?

People ask my BF and I all the time if we're sisters. I don't see it, but we're asked all the time.

[Sweetpea]

Ive always wondered why towhead meant blonde too. When I was a little girl I thought it was actually "Doughhead," not towhead, and that it meant blonde bc dough is blonde colored! LOL. Id love to know the origin of that one too!

On slings and carriers: Heres my take: you need both. Slings are better for newborns, and carriers are better for bigger babies.
fleshed out:
newborns really benefit from sleeping in a sling, on the mom. they are comfortable, they keep your hands free, and they dont strain your lower back as much as the upright front carriers do during those first postpartum weeks when your stretched out abs put your back at high risk for problems. Also, the only really helpful thing I remember from my infant care class is that there is research to support the idea that an hour in the afternoon in a sling (carried by mom) reduces evening crying by ALOT. (which between 6 and 12 weeks can be a very real issue-even w out colic.) my point: get a sling.

when babies start to get older though, they suddenly really want to see whats going on. They want to be upright, w little bobble head bobbling along. Probably youre trying to stimulate their little minds too, and you want them to be able to see the world. when that happens, the upright carrier is invaluable. You need a carrier
side note:There are some slings that have several positions, some of which are upright, on the hip, or swaddled vertically somehow. They claim to fill both rolls but A. They never really dont seem to hold a larger baby upright on you w-out hand stabilization,(so your hands arent really free after all) 2. w some cloth slip slings you have to memorize folding and wrapping patterns that involve your two bodies, and the cloth that are far more difficult, (and much less intuitive) than complex oragami. (and a squirming baby makes this even more complex. 3. even if you can memorize the differnt wraps, alot of the upright ones slip after a short time, or slip into bad positions for your back, making them even worse than the worst front carriers.

so, my take is that you need both, but having said that, whatever you do, DONT GET A BABY BJORN, or at least, if you do, make sure to get the one w the triangle of added back support. My Baby bjorn injured my back in a major way when my son was only 9 or 10 lbs. (less than 2 months old, and not that big) Not good!! It took months to recover from that one, and after that, only my DH used it, and it was only when we went on outings, never around the house, doing chores and such(as I had previously imagined I would be doing), bc I think it was hard on his spine too. Since my bad exp, Ive heard the same story from ALOT of different moms and dads about the baby bjorn. Its perpexing, bc for such an expensive front carrier, you really expect to be getting something that WORKS.

My full endorsement goes, currently, to
A>the EGRO baby carrier(for older babies) and to B>some kind of sling for newborns. (dont know which, but leaning toward the big wrappy one from the elephant pharmacy, which my very discerning neighbor has, and uses wout pain or difficulty.)

the ERGO may not be as chic as the bjorn, and it isnt cheap either, but lets face it, what I really need is to be able to walk and drive and sit w-out back pain. (I should add here that I am normally totally healthy and strapping, and never have had any other back pain aside from that inflicted from the Baby Bjorn in my entire life.) On the ERGO-I also like that it can go on your front or back. The people I know who have and use one are always happy and smiling at the park, and while shopping, baby in tow. Thats who I want to be.

every time I see a mom at the park, chasing a toddler, and wearing an ERGO w another baby, I go up and ask about it, bc its the product Im most excited about, and they all say somthing like this:
1.I wish I had known about it the first time. I wouldnt have thrown my back out postpartum.
2. I wish I had known about it the first time, did you know my son (sleeping serenely the carrier) is over one, and I can still carry him, w out a prob?)
3. I just decided that this is the one and only shower gift I will ever give in the future.

Ok. I promise I am not affiliated w that product in any way. I promise Im not getting paid for my endorsement,......... but I am telling the truth. Check it out and see if you can tolerate the style. I think Im into it.

ps so, now we actually have two names to go to the hospital w. And plan on picking upon meeting the baby
1. Charlotte Chole
2. Carina Marie (after me-DH picked)
I just cant totally name someone I havent met yet, and I need to have names w 2 different personality feels to choose from.