[infertilitynovice]

Who was it that can't paint the baby's room? Was it Daney or Danielle? I've found a great site that has paint-by-numbers kits for walls, large mural wallpaper, and even mural STICKERS! The kits seem to be very inexpensive too

Wall murals, Wallpaper murals, Wall Stickers and more Wall decor!

I really like the paint-by-numbers insect kit.

A little caveat to last night's manic mattress post...There is a $100 coil mattress that this book likes, but I'm still going foam. They say that a coil mattress can weigh as much as 30-40 lbs...I'm thinking that changing sheets at 3am with a heavy mattress doesn't sound like much fun at all.

[tamarie]

Marie -
Congrats on hitting the halfway point. That is so exciting. You are right. Time is flying by! I hope you have a great week. Any big plans for your anniversary?

[dherbert]

Marie, Congrats on halfway!! I will be there on Monday I can't believe my anatomy scan is here Monday, I am so excited.

Melissa, It must of been Daney who could'nt paint the nursery. Ours has been painted before I was even pregnant


Ok, I am going to tell you guys what has been going on in my life since the pregnancy. This is going to be pretty long, have patience.
I am getting extremely nervous and very depressed and here is why. At our 1st ultrasound appointment which was march 10th, DH took off work to drive me to the appt, in case something was wrong, I did not want to drive home alone being upset. Well on our way there, DH was speeding and got pulled over. Come to find out he had a warrant from 8 yrs ago in MD where we are both from. They arrested him immediately and there I was alone on the side of the road. I was very upset to say the least, but held it together thinking they would release him that day.
They transported him to St Marys county where the charges were from, only a misdameanor charge of DUI, but we had moved to Florida right after that for a year and never received court papers. Well we paid $1500 to a lawyer who promised that when he went to court, the judge would let him go with a fine and time served, since he had already been in for 30 days.
His court date was in April and the judge gave him 11 months, I could not believe it, would not let him do work release or house arrest or anything. So he is in a work incentive program in the jail and gets good time, but his release date is not until October 29th and my due date is Nov 3rd! I am so worried he is going to miss the birth of this baby we worked so hard for.
My finances have been chaos since I lost his income and I only work 35 hours a week. I lost health insurance because I was on his plan, and my company does not offer it for my position. I had to apply for state medicaid to cover the pregnancy and was declined because I make $100 to much a month. They put me on a program that will cover all of my Doctor visits, sonograms, bloodwork, etc... but will only pay $1,000 towards delivery. I am telling you guys all of this because I am about to have a nervous break down, I can feel it coming. I have stayed strong with barely any tears for DH and my lil Sister, without her I would really be going nuts. Our Mother left in April to visit our G-ma because she is very ill, and she is in WI 18hours away and wont be home until July-Aug, so I have had nobody except my Sister to lean on & she is only 15. DH cried and cried for the first 2 months being in there on the phone, which made it worse for me but I still stayed strong for him. Now its all about to explode, and I dont know if it's hormones, or just all the stress but I have never felt so depressed before in my life. Well now that I got all that out on the table any suggestions????

[Sidekik]

Danielle - I am so sorry you are having to deal with all of this right now. I will keep you in my prayers. Just try to stay stong for you, your DH and you baby. And feel free to vent here whenever needed, I know it is hard not having someone at home to share this way.

Sending alots of hugs and prayers your way.

[eggy]

Danielle-
Thank you for sharing this with us. I am so sorry about your situation. I don't know what to tell you except that this too shall pass. Keep looking towards the future and think about wonderful your life will be when your husband is released. The two of you will have a healthy, beautiful baby to raise together and, hopefully, it's more than likely he will be present for the birth. Please continue to keep us posted, as we are all here for you.

[tamarie]

Danielle,
I am so sorry you are going through this. I don't even know what to say that will make you feel better but I am very impressed at how strong you have been for you, dh, your sister and your baby. I know this must be completely stressful - I can't even imagine it. We are all here for you but I'm sure that's not enough. Do you have close friends there? A church? Or some other counselor you can talk to? I think more than anything you probably need some support and a place to vent. You will be in my thoughts and prayers, sweetie. I know this is hard but you are going to get through this and in the end your dh will be home and you will have your beautiful baby.

[dherbert]

You guys are all great! now I cant stop crying reading your supportive responses.
This may sound terrible, but honestly, I have gotten so I dont even want to talk to DH anymore. He calls all the time and we have absolutely nothing to talk about, it stresses me out more than helps. I feel myself pulling away from him, and I dont want to feel like that, and I dont know why I am feeling like that.
I feel like I am left here alone to fend for myself with a baby on the way, and all the bills piling up, and I still have to live as normal a life as possible for my Sister. It just plain sucks.

[GEwifey]

Danielle, I'm so sorry about everything you are going through. I sent you a pm, but I'm here for you if ever need anything.

[Daney]

Danielle- I am so sorry that you are going thru all of this,, you are one very strong women, I would have lost it,,, I have the upmost respect for you,, as for the pulling away from your dh right now you have to do what is best for you and the baby right now,, I think that he will understand!! Good luck with everything and we are always here for you

Melissa thanks for the site,, very cool i think that we are gonna do somethin like that!

[infertilitynovice]

Oh Danielle, I'm so sorry to hear about your troubles. It sounds to me like you are already doing all you can. The important thing is that you're on a plan that allows you to keep receiving prenatal care. About the delivery, the good news is that first time moms almost always deliver late (there are certainly exceptions to the rule though), so there's a good chance that DH will be home in time. I'm afraid if you let your worry get out of hand (I can't say, "stop worrying so much," I'd be a basketcase myself), then you could go into preterm labor. You can only do as much as you can do and no more. And it sounds like you're doing that. About the delivery fee...as long as you are paying the hospital something every month, they can't send you to collections and cannot penalize you. Also, since you're basically "self-pay" you should make an appointment with someone in the billing department of the hospital soon to negotiate your fee. They can't charge you anymore for your delivery than the lowest contracted fee. What I mean is, if a BCBS insured patient is charged $15,000 b/c that's the negotiated amouth with BCBS, they can't then go and charge you $17,000 for the same services. Or if Medicaid is charged $13,000, they can't hand you a bill for $15,000. (BTW, I'm totally making up those prices, I have no idea what your cost will be) Vaginal births are less expensive than C-section births. Also, talk to your doctor about his/her fees and see if you can negotiate them down (and make sure they won't just rush you into a C-section for the slightest thing. OBs are way to quick to do that these days b/c of malpractice lawsuits). Make sure the hospital isn't offering you another pillow only to charge you $50 for it. Really, talk to your doctor and talk to someone in billing at the hospital.

Just so you don't think you're alone and in hopes of putting a little smile on your face, I'll tell you my husband-being-arrested-story. Of course it wasn't funny at the time. So, my husband was arrested off the plane when we returned from our honeymoon. Yup, I'm not kidding. It was for a "no proof of insurance" failure-to-appear from 3+ years before we even met. He was stopped for speeding, didn't have his insurance card, and then moved from that city "forgetting" that he had a court date. Seriously, I don't even know that man. He was so totally messed up after his divorce (not b/c he loved his wife but b/c he was away from his boys). This was during the same part of his life when he messed up with the IRS (that we're now dealing with) and didn't disolved the house he shared with the witch (which he continued to pay for for years and years, but was forclosed on this week). So when we got to the airport terminal, the captin asked that everyone have their IDs ready when deboarding the plane. They were looking for my "outlaw" husband. Despite my near hysterical cussing and screaming, he was arrested and brought through the ATL airport in handcuffs, a hawiian t-shirt, and a Jamaica hat!!! LOL!! If you had seen that guy taken through customs dressed like that, what would you have thought? So he spent the night in jail, my dad and I bailed him out in the morning (a nice "welcome to the family" kind of thing, right?), and paid his couple hundred dollar fine when he went to court. My dad said, as we were walking into the jail, "Well, Melissa, I've bailed you out, your brother out, and now I'm bailing your husband out of jail. I guess that really does make him a member of the family." LOL!! Just to reassure you ladies, we're not a crime family or anything. I was arresed at 18 b/c some friends of mine and I moved in with a girl who had a house and it turned out she was crazy. We didn't have an offical lease (we were teens, who needed a lease?) and when we moved out (a month later, b/c she was CRAZY!) she paid $50 for warrents for each of us and had us arrested. I didn't know you could be arrested b/c someone paid for a warrent, but you can. My brother was arrested for speeding and no proof of insurance too. We're not criminals, we just make stupid decisions and have really bad luck

I know that my situation isn't even on the same level with yours Danielle, and I hope and pray that your DH makes it out before your little one is here. After that, just pay whatever you can each month, and eventually it will be paid off. I think you're handling this wonderfully, much better than I would I think. I admire your strength and hope you'll lean on us when you feel the need.

[eggy]

Danielle,
It does suck, but the fact that you're venting about it is really healthy. Maybe your doctor can help you find some sort of a support group in your town? It sounds like you might be pulling away from your husband because you're angry at the situation and, by extension, him. But you obviously love each other (and your baby), so it's worth talking about in some sort of therapeutic setting so you can deal with these emotions in a productive way. Your response seems completely normal and reasonable -- you are entitled to your feelings, so don't feel guilty about them or let that add to your stress. Hang in there! You're halfway through your pregnancy, so that's something, right?

[dherbert]

Melissa, That did make me laugh a little, thanks! Not that it was funny at the time, but I can picture him in his floral prints and shorts being taken away, right after your honeymoon, how terrible. I would have been pissed to say the least.

[GEwifey]

Melissa-You just put a smile on my face with your story...thanks

Danielle-I agree with Melissa, talk to your dr and the hospital and start negotiating fees now. As long as you have a payment plan in place you won't be sent to collections, and don't let them talk you into a payment you can't afford.

[infertilitynovice]

Oh, good!!! I'm so glad to hear that made you guys laugh a little. Yeah, it wasn't funny at the time at all, but the whole thing is really just so absurd, how can we not laugh now? I was screaming and yelling (tossing many an "F-bomb" too) the whole walk from the terminal, through customs, and into their office about how there are REAL criminals out there...you know, murderers, rapists, thieves, etc. I didn't realize it, but once inside the office I was chest to chest screaming at a 6ft3in musclehead customs officer. My husband grabbed me and reminded me that he needed me to bail him out and if I got myself arrested b/c of my big mouth we would both be in trouble. So despite the fact that I really just wanted to continue screaming and yelling, I shut up.

It certainly is a story though

Danielle, Eggy is so right, "this too shall pass"...you and your DH will find your way back out of this dark time and this could make your relationship even stronger in the end. Even if all you can do is $10/month for the rest of your lives (which of course is a worst case senerio), then that will be fine. The most important part is that you'll be a mom and your DH might have made a mistake years ago, but that mistake does not dictate what kind of dad or husband he is now or will be in the future. It is healthy to vent though, don't be so strong that you're bottling your pain.

[Leah00]

Danielle, I have no good advice for you like the other ladies, I just want to say that I'm really sorry this is happening to you and I hope things start looking up soon. You are such a sweetie for being so supportive to me about my problems with my sister while all this was happening to you! (((hugs)))