[SamhainStar]

Hi everyone,

I feel kind of rude just dropping in and wanting to unload my problems right away, but I have some experience with endo now so I'm sure I will be able to help people in return.

Anyways, my name is Cassie (hi!) and I'm 23 (nearly 24...erk!)

I had very bad periods right from the start and fought for several years to get my endo diagnosed, after being told "you're too young to have it", "I've diagnosed loads of women with endo and you can't have it" and did not even bother to try and help me. After a few years I was eventually granted an Ultrasound scan and a laprascopy and finally confirmed I had stage 3 endo.

The lap was back in 2004 sometime, my memory of what gynae told me is a little fuzzy now only that there was scar tissue and adhesions, particuarly around the back of my uterus and some around my bowels. She said at the time there was nothing on my tubes.

I also remembered something additional only recently, that the lady doing my ultrasound said "there's a little bit of fluid around your left tube, prolly because of an STD" (thanks a lot, I was with bf of 5 years, a long distance relationship we are now together and married!). Anyways she made nothing of it but now I'm beginning to think it's pretty significant.

Currently the endo pain is not so bad, I had a really bad attack a couple of months ago which was the first time in several years. Sex is often painfull and for many years now I often feel drained and tired, all in all it's not pleasent but I can cope with it. From 16 onwards I was put on the pill and decided to stop using it about 7 - 8 months ago as I was fed up with forgetting to take it and it was messing my periods up and putting me in a really bad mood and stuff.

I used to not even want children and I used to say I didn't like them even, I was really lying lol The threat of being unable to concieve has been growing and growing, in the year that my husband and I have been together (I'm an immigrant from UK) a good 8 months has gone by where we were not using protection and nothing has happened yet.

We dont own a home yet though my husband landed a good job, and I am still learning to drive to get a job so I know in my heart that right now isn't the best time to have a baby, but knowing that my disease has probably spread since the surgery and a distinct feeling of time running out and other factors (see below) is starting to drive me to distraction. It's like I want a baby now just to know that I can have one!

The next thing is all the pressure from people, my brother and his wife have a lovely little boy who is comming up to 3 years old next month with another one on the way. My mum bless her, loves her grandson and has made loads of comments and dropped hints about my turn. Now I have moved, interacting with my husband's large family but at every gathering there is hints about it being my turn next and so on...

and then even though I tell them "I have a fertility disease, I don't think I will be able to" they keep constantly telling me "It's okay!" "You'll be fine!", one person in particular whom I am very fond of...her daughter had Endo and had a child, a very beautiful little girl and keeps saying "She had a baby so you'll have no problem!"

Every time someone says something now, it makes me whince. They all know the score but keep saying these things anyway and it's really hurting my feelings. On the other hand I have my mother-in-law (who's very sweet, I'm very lucky) saying she's not ready to be a grandmother and (rightly so) we're not in the best position to do this right now.

I really believe that we could make good parents and that I have a lot to offer in terms of guidence to a little person (they don't stay little for long after all!) and even though we're not loaded with money we'd still be better off than my family were when we were kids.

The last thing is that we are waiting for our health insurance to kick in so I'm left in limbo until then to investigate our choices. Most of all I want another lap just to know what the score is! I have no idea how much it will cost but I'm guessing they would be willing to help fund a lap for health reasons if not for fertility.

It's not long to go but the wait is killing me. If anyone has some words of wisdom, stories or advice I would so appreciate it...think I am going out of my little British head!

I am feeling kind of rotten right now but I will get to helping others tomorrow if feeling better. Appreciate the chance to vent.

Keep well everyone

[Kellileanne]

Welcome to the forum!

I feel your pain! I was diagnosed with endo in 2003 and I wasn't in the position to have a child so I waited. It is very frustrating knowing there is this thing inside you that can completely destroy your dreams. Being told that you are fine, young, healthy is a crock! People just don't know what to say. I hope you can get your second lap, if anything it will put your mind as ease. Good Luck!

[jax34]

Hi Cassie,
I am sorry for all the pain that you are going thru I know exactly how you feel. I was diagnosed with endo in 1993 I was 18 at the time. I have had 4 laps done and had part of my lower intestine removed cuz of endo as they say( I was in an accident at work 3 days prior to showing up in the ER I got crushed by a bobcat loader). Anyway. Since day 1 of being diagnose with endo I wanted to start having children, but my husband at the time wasnt ready for it said he wanted to wait til we had been married 5 years. 9 years later he confessed that he didnt want any so I divorced him ( for other reason too he was a cheater). I met my new husband 2 years ago and couldnt wait to start having children. I think that I waited to long cuz my fsh was to high.
Anyway I know that it gets frustrating when your family say things like.. so when are you going to have children, or you just need to relax... as soon as you forget about it it will happen. The worst for me is hearing that my niece or nephew is having a baby. Anyway most of the time my family means well...but it still hurts to the bone. LOL.

As for your insurance I wouldnt worry to much about that most insurance companies cover the laparoscopy for the endo. I have had several different insurance in the last 7 years and have never had a problem with them covering the surgery. You may have a co-pay. When you look for a OB/GYN make sure you ask them if they specilize in endometeriosis. I finally asked around and my family doc sent me to my current OB and he has been the best. He knew how much I wanted a baby so he did everything he could to try to preserve my ovaries.

Have you ever been on depo-lupron...its a pain for side effects but does work well on keeping endo at bay. I couldnt tollerat the side effects much and insurance had such a high deductable i couldnt afford it living on my own, My OB put me on continuous birth control. helped with the endo but not my fertility. I waited to long. the endo attacked my ovaries alot....
anyway sorry for going on and on.
So wait for you insurance to kick in but definately start looking for and OB/GYN that specilizes in endo or is at least is up to date on treatments for it. Talk to him a let him know what you plans are and your what your concerns are. If you ever need to talk or have question just email or PM me. I will be happy to talk to you.

[cathie]

Hi There!and I am glad to see you here on this forum , It is a great place to get support addvice and a good place to vent there is always some one that has or is going through what you have or are. Any ways I also know what you are going through. I have endo and fibrods both tubes are blocked till just a month ago the RE got my right tube open , well any ways if you already know you are going to have problems if I were you I would start seeing a DR. It some times can be long and drawn out process. and expensive. We are all here for you!