[eternal]

I think the worst advice I got during that first year TTC was "don't worry about it too much, it will happen." I spose people who've never had an IF problem in their life really believe that, but I wasted about 3 years "waiting." Now I wish someone had said, "After 9 months, go for tests. Don't waste your most fertile time."!!!

[KariKae]

I have a different take on the worst advice ever...

When I was a teenager, my mother constantly warned me that one time in the back of a JEEP and I would be pregnant. Little did I know how many things have to go right to get pregnant. My mother lied! He He He.

With the high teen pregnancy rates, you wonder how many kids are have sex and just getting lucky to not get pg!

[Angelwithhope]

I hate it when people say "Your trying to hard!! Just relax and it will happen!!" Do they know what they are saying? For a person suffering from IF its not so simple!! These people often don't realize there are medical reasons why we can't concieve!! It drives me nuts and I hear it almost daily!! I always want to scream "If I wanted your opinion I'd ask you for it, but I don't so shut up!!" Perhaps I'm getting too sensitive??

~Angel~

[einstein]

I heard a great line from a friend once. She said, "I totally understand how you must feel with not getting pregnant. Those four months that we tried were the worst ever." FOUR MONTHS???!!!!! I wish!

And my other personal favorite that Angel mentioned: just relax. How I hated that!

Don't worry. It doesn't get any better after you have one (or two as in my case). People still ask me "when will you have another?" If they had any idea how much we went through to have the twins and then I had a very, very hard pregnancy with the boys -- my body was literally beaten up by the time I gave birth. Oh, people are so dumb!

[Angelwithhope]

I atually had a friend tell me to watch out for fertility drugs!! I could "end up with five and although we all love babies, why would a person want FIVE!!!" Hell at this point if I got five I would be estatic!! Its better to have five then NONE?? Am I right?? Its a good thing she emailed me that, if she'd been standing infront of me theres no tellign what I would have done!!

[J9yinyang]

Let's see... I've heard "Go on vacation. That's when it will happen. When you're relaxed and not thinking about it."

and... "Stop wanting to have kids. The minute you decide you don't want them, that's when you'll get pregnant."

and... "Adopt a kid. Then you're sure to get pregnant. The minute you give up, that's when it happens."

And those people that tell me that God will give me a child when he thinks I've EARNED one???? Have these people NEVER read the news???? Or other mean and nasty people who say that "everything happens (or doesn't) for a reason." What the hell is that supposed to mean? That maybe fate or God or whomever has deemed me a bad parent before even giving me a chance? If MY mother could have children, believe me, I can!

People are so stupid.

[slobin]

The worst one that I ever heard was actually by one of the nurses at the fertility clinic. We had done a post-coital test and I was calling for results- of course nervous and stressed. and the fertility nurse told me to "relax and go on vacation and have a Mai Tai." and this is an exact quote. I am still seething about this comment. I so wanted to write a letter of compalint to the clinic but didn't want to waste precious energy. But oh my gosh, "have a Mai Tai?" How could she work at a fertility clinic and say this? Has anyone had rude remarks by someone at the clinic?

[jameyevans]

We are trying to adopt and people will tell us that when we adopt we will get pregnant. HAH!

[charlotte67]

Hi girls,

New to this forum. I have a great comment for you. My cousin's wife is a nurse practitioner and one of the few people I confided in re IVF. About 5 hours after I told her what my DH and were going through we were all at a wedding rehearsal dinner. Her 2 year old was running around and she looked at me and said "How many of these do you want? You are welcome to take him home for the night. It will make you change your mind."

[Heatha981]

I can't tell you how many times I've heard "Your only 26, relax have fun, travel the world and ejoy life. THEN you will get pregnant"??? What is all that suppose to mean. Also have gotten the "You would really welcome twins or more? Are you insane? I can barely handle my one!" The one baby of course was a friends with benifits side effect! Some people just don'[t understand!

[kylie666]

i have heard so meany

''dont worry it will happen when you stop trying'' how dose that work dont i need to try
''your only young dont worry about having kids, just have fun and do what young people do''
''just forget about it and stop worry it will happen'' - its not that easy to forget about
''here have mine,after a week you wont want any''

and then we get people saying
''it must be your turn next'' (as my partners bother and sister have got babies - one of which was born yesterday)
''you guys need to have a girl to even thing out''
''when are you's going to have kids everyone else is'' - what do they think that i dont know that everyone eles is having kid and i'm the only one not

the list just keeps going...

i mean i can deal with it when someone who dosen't know the situation says it but when it someone close to us who says it i just feel like yelling or slapping them..

[hoping4bundleofjoy]

I know how you feel about all of the advice. The part that makes me angry is that it is always people with kids already that are giving the advice. How can they understand how I am feeling when they already have a child. How can they expect us to just stop thinking about having a baby or trying and not stress when it is something we want more than anything.

Originally Posted by kylie666

i have heard so meany

''dont worry it will happen when you stop trying'' how dose that work dont i need to try
''your only young dont worry about having kids, just have fun and do what young people do''
''just forget about it and stop worry it will happen'' - its not that easy to forget about
''here have mine,after a week you wont want any''

and then we get people saying
''it must be your turn next'' (as my partners bother and sister have got babies - one of which was born yesterday)
''you guys need to have a girl to even thing out''
''when are you's going to have kids everyone else is'' - what do they think that i dont know that everyone eles is having kid and i'm the only one not

the list just keeps going...

i mean i can deal with it when someone who dosen't know the situation says it but when it someone close to us who says it i just feel like yelling or slapping them..

[MelanieFaye]

Oh good--a rant thread! I've got one for you.

DH's sister got PG accidentally as a teenager. Her "words of comfort" when I confided in her about our baby woes were "I'll be your surrogate!" and "I wish I could give you some of my pregnancy genes!"

Yes, dear SIL, thank you so much for rubbing it in my face that there's nothing wrong with you. I feel so much better now.

[BeanKitty23]

Yep heard all of those too!
-Relax it will happen!
-your so young, wait a while go to school and then try!
- Don't think about it, it will happen when its meant to.
Also a few good ones from some friends if you will
- Go up into the mountains altitude will get you pg!
- Both you and DH drink Jager all night you will get pg!

Yeah, crazy! I'm tired of hearing all these supposed words of encouragement! If they only knew!