My SIL told me she was pregnant with her second child on the day my best friend died. Then I found out she got pregnant while on birth control! The baby was a girl, and she named her the name my husband and I had told her we planned to name OUR daughter if we should be so lucky to have one.
My niece, Madeleine, was born December 3, 2010. It took me a while to get over it. But I'm glad I did! My niece is absolutely wonderful, and I simply adore her. I regret that it took me until she was 9 months old to even meet her (yeah, I was THAT mad!)
But it wasn't Madeleine's fault, and it also wasn't my SIL's fault. My SIL is also one of my closest friends, and I should have been there for her. I see that and regret that now.
It's not the same as having my own daughter, but in some ways, it's kind of better. I try to look at the bright side of it. As her aunt, I am allowed to spoil her. I can take her shopping for cute outfits, shoes, and toys. I can spend time with her and hold her. And when her diaper gets messy? I get to hand her right back to her mom and dad! I love her dearly and I'm so happy she's alive. And I have since chosen another name, just in case.
I know it hurts, but try to remember that the world cannot stop for you. Other women have the right to get pregnant, and the whole family shouldn't stop getting pregnant just because you haven't been able to. With that being said- you most certainly ARE NOT a horrible person. It's completely normal!