I too suffer from Infertility. I have had 1 failed IUI and my husband and I are moving on to IVF in the new year. Anyway this is a beautiful link. I hope you all find it as moving as I did.



http://www.vocalicious.com/empty_arm..._arms_mod.html

That was so neat, I know exactly how they feel. I saved it to favorites. Sometimes I feel so alone. Infetility is so painful. Thank you for sharing!!

This is so beautifully and heartfully done.

Wow I took a look at the site and If I am honest I cried. I think the music and the pictures enhance the message. What is the name of the site it came from?

I am new to all this and found this infertility board a little quite. I thought there might have been more people on.

I hope to talk to more of you .

Thanks in advance for all your help.

Chelle

Yes the images are gorgeous and the whole thing is really well done, but infertility for years? As an adoptive mom I just can't understand people who pursue pregnancy for years instead of pursuing a child. I have sympathy, empathy, hell I had infertility- but this is still just not a place I can relate to.

well you are lucky if you do not feel this way. Let me tell you it is very painful. I just found out I can not have kids unless I try IVF. I am looking into adoption. It is very confusing.

No, I have felt that way. I just don't understand prolonging it for years. We moved on to adoption after a little over a year of the infertility roller coaster. I know its awful and painful, thats why we left it behind to begin our lives as parents.

I know what you mean now. As soon as I found out that I could not get pregnant with out the help of Ivf I statred thinking about adoption. I am still a little down about it all. The adoption process scares me. I dont know where to begin. It seems the more I read the more confusing it gets. we are going to go to an adoption lawyer the first of next month. If you have any advice please let me know.

First off you are doing the right thing just being on forums and educating yourself on adoption. You have so much information at your fingertips because of the internet. I would also read some books. I am afraid everything I read is old. I adopted for the first time 13 years ago. I know Lois Melina writes some great stuff on open adoption. I was more comfortable with an agency than an attorney. The two attorneys we visited almost made us feel like we were taking the baby and running. The agency not only counseled us, and matched us, but counseled the birthparents- my daughter's birthfather even saw them 2 years later on an issue not related to adoption. We loved our social workers. There are so many kinds of adoption now, I am sure its overwhelming. Plus there are always well meaning people in your life that make adoption seem second best or risky. I have 2 bio children, 2 adopted children. There is no difference in how I feel about them. Yes we got pregnent after we adopted. But this only happens 5% of the time, inspite of what old wives tales tell you. Deciding to adopt is a big decision, in the beginning you have to mourn the loss of that baby you wanted to give birth to. I must admit, I was so excited to move on, that I did little morning. This is long. I would be happy to give you whatever knowledge I have gained on this journey. Have confidence, your baby will be in your arms one day. For some of us its just a more complicated road than others.

Dear All

I am glad that so many of us were touched by the website.

I do have a question though. 3girls1boy said that she could not understand why people who are infertile chase the dream of being pregnant and not the child. Well I started the adoption process but changed my mind and started the IUI route. I understand that some people can not comprehend the idea of bringing up someone elses child, even though you adopt them they will never be biologicaly your children even though they are legally.

I understand that some people take years to decide on what route to take when it comes to having children through adoption or through fertility treatment. It takes a lot of thought and a large comitment to decide to raise someone elses child through adoption and it also takes a lot of comitment and courage to decide to put your self through the pain of fertility treatment. I comend anyone who decides to do anything other that lie down and exept the fact that they will never have a family.

For all the people going through adoption and those going through fertility treatment - Remember you have taken the hardest step by being here on this site and decided on which route to take all in all I comend you.

I hope I have not affended anyone.

Take care

Chelle

Hello! I am an AMom of a 5 yr. old. My husband and I tried to conceive a baby on our own, for 10 yrs! I guess, because the doctor`s kept giving us hope, yr. after yr. Surgery after surgery. Temp, charts, ovalation kits, fertility drugs, and so on...

We spent thousands of dollars, to fight this all our own. Why didn`t we just adopt yrs. before?? The doctors would say,"oh, you have this surgery, and remove the scar tissue, and you have a yr. to try to get pregnant." For 10 long yrs. we did this, like dummies!! I mean, everyone`s situation is diffrent, and some of you, might have just a simple problem, but please don`t spend yrs. of aggravation, and pain, trying to fight this on your own!

Our insurance did not cover any of it. They listed it at the beginning, as a pre existing problem. Oh gosh. If only we knew what we was headed for. lol

Good luck to you all.

Originally posted by foreverbaby

Our insurance did not cover any of it. They listed it at the beginning, as a pre existing problem. Oh gosh. If only we knew what we was headed for. lol

Good luck to you all.

I hate to say this but the insurance company is full of it. If it was not diagnosed previously it could not have been a "pre-existing condition". I would ask a medical lawyer if you could sue for some of that money back. Especially if infertility treatment is a covered benefit.

My husband and I are starting back on treatment after a 2yr break. It is an emotional roller coster. The doctor wants to do one more test than it's off to IVF. Part of me wants to and the other half is dreading it. (Not more pain!) Our ins. will not cover it. We are currently foster parents in the process of adoption. After 2 years of going to court for TPR it still has not happened. The children have been with us for about 3 years. They came to our home at 3ms. & 7ms. There is a chance that our 2 children could be sent back to their bio. This is also a roller coster. I'm hoping if that happens and we lose our to be adoptive children than I will still have a child to share our lives with. With all that said WE can relate and it's not fun!

Brenda

[wave_monkey]

Originally Posted by 3girls1boy

Yes the images are gorgeous and the whole thing is really well done, but infertility for years?

As an adoptive mom I just can't understand people who pursue pregnancy for years instead of pursuing a child. I have sympathy, empathy, hell I had infertility- but this is still just not a place I can relate to.

I know this is a really old thread...but...

as you know... people often do not know they have a problem until they have already been trying for over a year before they even look at what the problem might be and undergo testing, and before they pursue medical fertility treatment options.


Adoption is not a "cure" -for infertility-.


Adoption is in and of itself a wonderful thing!

I think too many people put them together as the "problem and solution". It simply is not (for many people anyway).

The desire to get pregnant, carry a baby, have a genetic offspring, have the experience of creating life with a partner...is often not the same desire as choosing to build a family and parent through adoption.

For some, pursing a pregnancy is not always the same as pursuing a child to parent. It can and often is a separate and distinct longing.

Not that the person is not also longing to parent and have a child...but rather that there is also a very strong desire for the pregnancy and all that that means to them.

Now, true, many people do feel that for them adoption is 'the step' for them to take if they find they are unable to conceive, or after a short trial of fertility treatment...but that doesn't mean it is the "automatic" route to be taken,.. the "normal", or "obvious" thing to do rather than continue "for years" using medical treatments to try to get pregnant and have a child. Clearly for some people the "destination" is the most important priority and it makes sense for them to go directly there...and that is awesome, and adoption fits the bill perfectly for them...but for some people they are pursuing the journey (the pregnancy), that is a big part of their desires. (although, of course the destination is important to them).

As you know, many people do adopt and continue to try to have a biological child as well.

And sometimes it takes a long time to adopt - different countries, different regions have different situations, wait times, requirments etc...

Adoption is often expensive (no, not always), and as you know it can be very involved and intrusive in a way that medical treatments are not, and sometimes is complicated for a variety of personal reasons (extended family issues/concerns, etc..).

Heck, sometimes, fertility treatments are less expensive than adoption (in the early stages of treatment, and even with more expensive options like IVF, some people have good insurance plans that cover treatment - but they do not cover adoption expenses).

Now, true, it is not all that common, but adoption is also not always a "guarantee" either, many people have been heartbroken over a failed adoption.

Adoption needs to be done for the right reasons, and be right for both partners in the relationship...not everyone is ready at the same time to take that step.

So yes, as hard as that many be to understand, many people do pursue infertility treatments "for years"...

...but that doesn't mean they want a family any less, or they are silly or selfish. It also doesn't mean they think a biological child is "better" or that an adopted one is "second best", but rather more likely they think it is simply a wonderful thing that should be done for the right reasons, at the right time ...and for them it isn't the right thing, or the right time.

[hrtbrokn2]

what does one do when even adoption fails....(twice in one year)?