Hi I am 26 every since i can remember I wanted to have a baby. I am talking since my period first started when I was in 5th grade. I always knew that I would be a wonderul mother! I wanted to teach somebody and give somebody all this love I have and guide a little person to be a big person! With good morals and all that! ( yes I know things don't always turn out as planned)
I have been trying for 3 1/2 years to get pregnant. With no results except 1 miscarriage at about 4weeks. My dr. says he doesn't know why. He said that my uterus is shaped like a heart and that would not be a problem with my trying to concieve it would just have to be corrected after I get pregnant. ( this doesn't sound right to me)
My husband has 3 children from a previous marriage, so he is not the problem. HELP!!!!!!
I can't take much more of this! and I don't know what to do next! Can someone please give me some advice! Any ideas. (should I stand on my head after I have sex?) I will try anything!
People keep telling me... your still young!!! (always people with kids) Screw that! It is not a good enough excuse for me to stop worrying about it! I feel like my heart is being ripped out!

I am very sorry for your miscarraige...it's so unfair to lose the one thing we desire most.

I DO happen to know first hand some of the emotions you are feeling. I too felt even at the age of 12 that my biggest acheivement in life would to be a mom. Sadly, after 10 years fo infertility issues, one after another, for BOTH my DH and I, yes, we gave up. We did not choose to do IVF, although we were thinking IUI possibly. When we came to the decision to adopt, we felt immediatley that this was the right choice. For us.

I absolutely detested the stupid coments form friends and family like 'relax, your too stressed thinking about it'....little did they know that my DH and I would sneak off to a nice hotel for a weekend with hot tub etc...for no reason at all...just be fun and kept our sex life less on a 'baby calendar'. This worked for the stress!

I did ask the doctor about the standing on the head part, and he actually blushed and said it didn't have enough merit!

I suppose you need to ask yourself where you go from here....you and your husband. I could say adoption is amazing and I want to do it all over again, and we realize we want to foster as well, but I would needed to 'grieve' for my infertility first.
I needed to accept it in my heart 100%, and that took some time for me.

Maybe try to take a deep breath and decide whats important to you and your DH and in what order. For example, is it important for you and your DH to have a baby together sharing DNA to form that extra bond....are you willing to just keep trying, or to look at other methods of having a baby, i.e. IUI ( better than a turkey baster! ), IVf, or will you be just as tickled and delighted to be a mom through adoption.

I HAVE been there ( with the exception of prior children for DH), and I'm not trying to offend you.....I DO hear you.

You will be an excellent mom, and probably already are....

Keana

thank you for your reply! It does help a little to know other people have felt the same feelings before!
I have no problem with adoption, I was lucky enough to be adopted! I just don't know ......(don't know a lot of things.....) how to start! Or where to start , or ...????
do you know what I mean?

Well, I suppose you could start with sorting out your options..... discuss with DH what path(s) you want to explore...then get out the yellow pages! Do some homework, research your options, go to info sessions, surf the internet for local community info, then sit and re-discuss options. It can be info overload for sure!! It sounds simple, but for us, it was a major step. But don't worry, there's always a step to land on!

Where do YOU want to start? Have you started to consider options at this point? What is your heart telling you?


Keana

I remember that I always knew I was adopted that there was never a time when i was sat down by my parents and told that I was adopted... and I didn't find out in any other way that I was adopted. I always knew! My mother called me her little chosen baby! My mother gave birth to my sister 3 years later and she didn't breast feed (and many other things) because she didn't want me to EVER feel like I was differant!
She told me that when she brought me home her and my father stood over the crib and jumpped up and down because they were so happy!
My mother says to this day that she feel as if she owes a life to my birthmother! that if my birthmother called and needed a kidney or even a lung (if that was possiable) My mother would get on the 1st plane to give it to her!
She still says that the worst part of her life was when she was unable to have a baby! (she is recently a widow and still says that!) and the best was when she adopted one!
I try and put myself into my mother's shoes (i am pretty much there anyway!) And I can feel the jumping up and down from sheer happiness! And the unbelievable way that she never made me feel differant!
I want that! so with all of this said we have made our decision that we have had enough of this infertility thing! Because it does bring us such depression. And since your not sopposed to stress over what can not be changed, WE WON"T!
Thank you for your advice! It really did help a tremendous amount!
We are going to start looking into adopting a child!!

I'm very sorry to hear about your loss. The emotions you're experiencing are NOT well understood by the average person!

I would like to advise you to be sure you're seeing a Reproductive Endocrinologist, not just a regular doctor or gynecologist or OB/GYN. I spent a couple years with regular docs and my gyno before moving on to an RE, because of insurance issues. But the RE ran tests I hadn't been able to convince anyone else to run, and more tests, and more detailed tests. And he put it all together in a way that let me know exactly why we were having trouble.

And don't be so quick to assume your husband isn't part of the problem - mens' sperm counts fluctuate throughout life, and it is entirely possible that a man's sperm count that's fine one year will be much lower later. So be sure to have him tested, too.

Hopefully that will give you some of the answers you seek. Not all reasons for infertility can be found, but most can.

And perhaps the RE can tell you where to find a support group in your area. Being able to talk face-to-face with other women or couples experiencing the same emotions can be SOOOO helpful!

If you want the scoop on things like standing on your head after intercourse, get the book "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" (female author, but I can't remember her name). It covers the common reasons for infertility, some signs that people who have them will show, other reasons that don't show, some treatments doctors may prescribe, reasons why REs are better than other doctors for this issue, etc. And just reading it will help you feel like you're doing something proactive about this.

I hope you find some of this useful!

Alwayswantedababy,


NEVER EVER GIVE UP HOPE !!!

Me and my fiance have been together for almost 4 years.
We NEVER used protection (i know, it was unsafe) ANYWAY--
I just knew I was infertile and gave up hope of getting preg.

Now I'm 5 1/2 mos. preg. without using any fertility drugs.
This wasn't a planned preg. and I'm really scared but it's a wonderful feeling just knowing I actually can get preg.

DO NOT EVER GIVE UP HOPE
and watch out for the fertility drugs...sometimes they can promote multiple births=0)

[H_Robledo]

I am so sorry for you loss! I too, have always wanted children, but for some reason.....no luck....well, I HAVE been PG, so I don't know if infertility is the problem! 1 stillbirth, 1 pe, 3 mc's! I have been married for 7 lovely years, and we still try. The question is when is it enough? I feel your pain.....honestly! I wish you the best of luck ttc! You are in my prayers.

[slobin]

Just read through these posts and just wanted to reinforce that you shouldn't give up until you've have a FULL evaluation by an RE (not your OB/GYN). The thing about the heart shaped uterus and "waiting til pregnant" is absured. After you're pregnant it's too late. It's WONDERFUL if you want to adopt, but I just want to be sure you don't give up before being properly diagnosed.