[Dwayne]

Hi all,

Confused and slightly upset trying to be DH here. Just need a place to vent and get unbiased feedback and not a subject I feel comfortable talking to friends about so thought I might try here.

My wife went off of birth control roughly nine months ago and we went to see a fertility specialist mainly to be proactive as a lot of people we know have had problems. All of her tests came back fine but my morphology came back 0% first test then 2% second test two weeks later (strict Kruger). Sperm count and motility fine.

Our doctor recommended IVF which my wife wants to try immediately because of time (she is 34). I want to try some things like putting away the laptop, vitamins, and trying naturally for a while longer while she wants to do the IVF now.

Am I being unreasonable? I know all the books/articles say men often get angry etc... when they are the problem. I just feel my wife is pushing IVF too much (even misled doctor slightly saying we had been trying hard for over a year). Keep seeing stories where men have improved their results with various remedies. I keep thinking doctors recommendation might have been different if we had been totally honest with him from the start.

[frymomma2b]

I am sorry you are having this strruggle. i know my husband is the same way. FYI we have not found the problem and have been trying for 19 mths with 2 miscarriages. He feels that the meds and monitoring, ect. are hendering more than helping and feels the old natural way of trying is what we should do. So that is letting you know you are not alone nor is it an unreasonable thought. IVF is a huge expense and that is great if yall are fortunate enough to afford it imediatly. We are not so fortunate and will have to wait like three years before that is an option due to the expense. As much as i understand her point of view her time limit with age, her desire for a child and her sense of urgency to try whatever it takes i have to say in a marriage compromise has to be there. I personally wish i was better at it then i am. You have to come to an agreement on what the decision is. It is hard for us women that want to be able to have children as easily as we should and cant, but the goal is happiness and fufillment and if you are not going to be happy with the medical decisions she is taking then it defeats the purpose reminder of that kindly and come to a decision on when to start IVF. HTH

[Rob&Irina]

Originally Posted by Dwayne

I want to try some things like putting away the laptop, vitamins, and trying naturally for a while longer .

what does your Dr think about your plan? do they think it will help?

[Passionscientist]

Hi Dwayne -

Glad you found us! My situation was similar in that our problems were mostly Male Factor and my DH also had poor morphology (2% as well) but extremely low counts as well. Have you guys tried IUI's yet? I was just wondering if they were just having you jump straight into IVF without trying that.

Now I know with us, we didn't do IUI's at all and did jump straight to IVF, but I was told ours was mostly due to low counts (his were less than a million) so we didn't want to waste our time with the IUI's. I can kind of see her side on this too though, as I am also 34 and the risk of Down Syndrome and other chromosomal issues really start to rise after age 35. So in that respect, I wanted to hurry up and get going with our best chance of success.

The other nice thing about IVF was that we had several embryo's left over that we could freeze so we could take our time expanding our family if we chose too rather than fearing more issues later on down the road if we wanted another child.

I will tell you that my DH's took several types of meds and tried a lot of things over a six month period after we found out about his male factor issues and his counts improved only slightly but his morphology never improved and his motility actually dropped. So there are no guarantees that those things will work either and you may spend a lot of time, money and frustration going that route.

Sorry this is so long, I know it's a tough place to be in. Not sure if I helped, but was trying to give you at least our experiences with a similar situation. Good luck!

[gangof4]

If it helps at all, I was told by my acupuncturist that men respond pretty much right away to vitamins and herbs.
where as it takes women around 3 months to see results.
If you maintain a heathy diet and take all the right supplements you may see an imrovement sooner than later. Maybe if your wife hears that she may feel ok about giving you a little time to try naturally.
Good luck!

[nething4mybaby]

Hi Dwayne,
Sorry to hear of your struggle. My DH and I ttc naturally for 9 mos resulting in an ectopic after I had my tubes untied. My Dr had recommended IVF as our first option but we wanted to do it "naturally". Now two years later we are going through IVF with one failed transfer and me looking at being 37yo if our next cycle even works. We are both wishing we had started IVF a whole lot sooner. Good luck in your decision making. Just remember, it's not anybodys fault.

[mnm000]

Originally Posted by gangof4

If it helps at all, I was told by my acupuncturist that men respond pretty much right away to vitamins and herbs.
where as it takes women around 3 months to see results.
If you maintain a heathy diet and take all the right supplements you may see an imrovement sooner than later. Maybe if your wife hears that she may feel ok about giving you a little time to try naturally.
Good luck!

I just wanted to chime in that from my understanding it also takes 3 months for the sperm to rejuvenate.. The sperm you are beginning to produce now, won't actually be mature and ....released for 3 months. We were told that lifestyle changes will take 3 months to see any improvement in the sperm.
I know that you are upset with this news, but I'm sure you are right that your wife is concerned about her age. I was pretty much terrified about the whole IVF process, but now I'm in my 2ww, and it really was much easier than I had feared. Good luck with your decision.

[Staci]

We can relate too. My DH really wanted to try naturally & we did so then we went to IUI, 2nd one tomorrow, but the Dr told us that if money was not an option that IVF has the best results for male factor.

Ultimately, you have to be happy with the decision. I agree with the compromise comment earlier. Maybe you can get her to agree to 2 months natural then go for IVF.

[Dwayne]

I want to thank everyone for the quick response. This is a much different and friendlier place than I am used to. I expected everyone to gang up on me as it seemed to be majority female here.

I am trying to be open and consider IVF near term. Our doctor didn't seem to believe in treatments for poor morphology and was recommending IVF because of time factor (never knew 35 was such a critical number).

It seems my wife and I are coming towards a compromise (email/phone/text modern age) since even my initial post this morning. She has expressed willingness to try natural along with home remedies for the next few months. Probably just coincidence that I can't get her onto my insurance until January which seems to cover IVF I'm sure.

The big decision point has been delayed at least I guess. The question will be what to do if my tests show improvement in January but we still aren't pregnant?

Again, thank you everyone for the positive feedback. I can't believe I spent the last 20 years fearing getting someone pregnant and now this! It is frustrating.

[nething4mybaby]

Originally Posted by Dwayne

I can't believe I spent the last 20 years fearing getting someone pregnant and now this! .

LOL, I never realized the irony in it until you said it! When we are young we spend so much time trying to prevent it and we never even consider that someday we will try even harder to make it happen! Glad to hear that things are coming along with your decision. It's a really long road for some so I wish you lots of speed and luck and remember~ we're always here (truth be told most of us are addicted!).

[babygood1]

I spoke with my re this week about the cost and they said age 35-37 it will cost almost 3,000 more compared to a 34 year old.
Just so you know.

good luck!

[futuremom2b]

AGE ~ Yes, when you hear about that "clock ticking" for women, it's correct there really is one!
When it comes to infertility 35 is a BIG number for drop off in number of eggs in women. What you should do while you are trying naturally (after you agree on a time line ~ Jan. perhaps, check and see if IVF is covered on your insurance, give lots of love to your wife, and undertand that this is a hard and frustrating journey. There will be days she is frustrated even if you agree on Jan. or when ever because she is just wanting to be a mommy, and there will be days you are frustrated because you can't give her what she wants the most.....

We are always here and will be supportive in most cases!!

Don't leave us now that you joined, Keep in touch!

[Kell77]

Dwayne, I have to say, kuddos to you for being such a caring and understanding husband, your wife is very lucky that you are taking her thoughts and feelings so seriously! There are very little of you out there (I happen to be fortunate as well). Good luck and as a dear friend told me...you have to talk to each other, make a decision and ultimately listen to your heart and God.

[Staci]

We were suprised by the 35 age mark too. All of my test came back great so we thought our IVF chances would pretty good until the Dr explained that the averages go way down the minute I turned 35. 70% chances before and 25-30% chances after. ugh. I wish someone would have told me that 5 years ago.

[Dwayne]

Originally Posted by futuremom2b

We are always here and will be supportive in most cases!!

Don't leave us now that you joined, Keep in touch!

I can promise that I will not leave. Hate to say it but I might become more of a shadow though. I do plan on suggesting joining this site to my wife. She is probably going to need support more than me as we go thru the process. I'm not always as communicative/sharing/supportive verbally as anonymously online.

Also Football starting soon! Just kidding. But us men have to relieve our stress and nerves somehow as well.