[anne1140]

Originally Posted by starfsh25

I also love, "Are you sure you're not pregnant right now? You have a glow." The glow you are referring to is anger.

Okay, I'm not sure if this was meant to be funny, but the way I read it made me crack up!

Well, I am even more frustrated now, because I don't feel like DH's parents understand our struggles at all. My parents have been far more supportive in this whole thing, and it was actually my dad who pushed us in the IVF direction. When we told DH's parents about our considerations, they were less than pleased. FIL even had a conversation with DH about how he, as a Christian, could consider IVF when there are children starving in the world. How could we, as Christians, have the TV we have, the car we have (used and 5 years old, btw), the house we have ($55,000!), etc. We are not big spenders by any means, and I feel that we are modest in our spending. He just looks for every way he can to consider us hypocrites, because he doesn't want to feel bad about himself not going to church. (He stopped going when DH was a child, but his wife still goes, and now his son (my husband) is a youth pastor.)

Backstory: For a long time now, FIL has been telling me if we ever need any money, he will give it to us. He has a bunch in savings, and he has given his daughter $15,000 to help her get out of debt. He keeps bringing this up to me, so I thought, "Great! We will have a way to pay for IVF!" DH has been warning me all along that his dad will lend us money, but hold it over our heads for forever, and I didn't want to believe that. His father made it sound like DH was too proud to ask for money, but that he's really there for us. After DH relaying the conversation with his father to me, and after both FIL and MIL's reactions to the idea of IVF, I regret doubting DH, and I now think he was totally right. We won't be asking them to help us financially at all with this infertility process, which will probably bite us in the butt, too, because they will be offended we didn't ask.

Whew! Sorry, had to get that off my chest!

[anne1140]

Oh, and I hate, hate, HATE the assumption that it is our responsibility to adopt, because we're infertile. If we come to the conclusion to do so, great, but it is not anymore our responsibility than it is super-fertile Jon and Betty down the road. Sheesh!

[tygerlilly]

I'm sorry I am just cracking up at this forum...I guess I have heard this so many times that all I can do is laugh! My favorite is from a friend of me and my hubby.... we will call her Jane lol

Jane: "Ugh, I have to get up at 7 tomorrow" it is 9pm
Nick: "Um, so do I, I have to run 3 miles, drive 1.5 hrs to school and I dont get home until 9 pm"
Jane: "You dont have kids so you dont understand" *NOTE* Jane is a stay at home mom, and she KNOWS we are doing IVF!

[vacantsea]

I have had a few thoughtless remarks but thusfar I think I've been relatively lucky compared to some of you!

My mother and my mother in law both struggled with infertility. It took my mother nine years to conceive me and my mother in law 4 years with the help of Clomid for her first. So thankfully I have a lot of support from them.

As soon as we got married the "When can we expect babies?" started up from extended family and friends. I've known a long time this wasn't going to be easy for us, and it only got worse once we started. It was frequently suggested we "Stop worrying! It will happen once you're not thinking about it!" or other variations on the common theme.

The first OB/Gyn I consulted asked me "Why would you want to have kids with birth defects?" (which was in response to my history of diabetes and hypothyroid.) which stunned me considering the consult was for my lack of period and not related to my fertility or lack thereof!

I try so hard not to take those things to heart!

[hopefulmama]

The one I've had the most has been - if you weren't so nervous you'd get pregnant - just relax

The most thoughtless, ignorant comment was while I was holding my terminally ill infant son in my arms - someone told me not to worry that maybe the next one would be a girl (we have two older boys). If anyone thinks that's what worries you at that moment then they just don't get it.

[mommytoalex]

I was just watching the dang Duggars (18 and counting) and I have to say, I am getting bitter. The only reason I even turned it on was because a friend said they were going to find out what the sex was of their first grandchild. I just kept thinking about people who decide they want children, and get pregnant within a few months.

I guess I am just feeling sorry for myself. I just lost a friend because she couldn't deal with my IF issues. Yeah, like she even understands what is going on with my world.

Good luck everyone. I'm out until a miracle or the lottery (or both) happen to me. Still cheering you all on!

[Txgirl4evr]

Mommytoalex,
You said you lost a friend because she couldn't deal with your if. Don't you just love that, I had a so called friend and she told a mutual friend of ours that she doesn't email or call because since she had a baby and she knows we have been trying for a long time it makes her uncomfortable. Makes her uncomfortable, she makes me angry, she already has a daughter that she does not have custody of and while she was pregnant, she saw my husband and went to talk to him while 6 or 7 months preggo with a cigarrette in her hand. My husband just said he had to go and was totally disgusted, but I make her uncomfortable. They don't deserve friends like us. Sorry just needed to vent, the nerve of some people. I hope you find a way to continue on your journey, I always say if I win the lottery I will try IVF until they cut me off. My husband may not go for it ,he hated me going throught all the pain and disappointment, but there is always the chance it will work and it would be worth all the pain and suffering.

[dhanna425]

I am so glad that I found this forum. It is so nice to know that there is a place where I can talk to other women who know exactly what I am going through. I find it very hard not to be bitter, right now I have about 6 or 7 friends who are either pregnant now or just had a baby in recent months and I ask myself why is so easy for them and so hard for me. And I also have a very big problem seeing and hearing about mothers and I use that term very loosely when speaking about these women who could care less about the children they bring into this world. I always ask why would god give children to these people who do not deserve them and deny me the chance of being the absolute best mother I could possibly be. Does anyone else feel the way I do or am I just crazy? The thing that bugs me the most is when I am speaking to someone about the trouble my husband and I are having TTC....They say to me "oh just relax" ...."stop thinking about it and it will happen"..."when you stop trying that is when you will get pregnant"...I can't stand it...when you are on all the drugs and your every move is timed and things just can't be spontaneous you can't help but think about it all the time and the worst is the 2 week wait...that is a killer. Your mind playing tricks on you the drugs screwing with your body it is terrible. I know it will be worth it in the end but it is rough having to do this and most people just can't understand it. Thanks for listening just needed to vent to people who understand me!



Dawn
31- unexplained
TTC-3 months

All timed intercourse no IUI as of yet
04/09 Clomid 50mg/Ovidrel/Endometrin
05/09 Clomid 50mg/Ovidrel/Endometrin
06/09 Clomid 100 mg/Ovidrel/Prometrium 600mg a day
7/1/09 We find out tomorrow

[asweet]

I hear all these...only with a twist, since I have a 4 yr old that wasn't totally planned. Now 4 years later, all I hear "Is he your only one?" or "Do you want to have more?" I swear, I think I should just move to China so I don't have to hear these All I can mumble out is that we want more and leave it at that before I start sharing the whole history of defeat, which seems to be all my fault, according to DH.

All I can say is find an outlet, a healthy one, and keep bloggin!

[asweet]

I hear you! I work with teens, or preteens rather, and I see these families that are just huge. I also think 'why is it so easy for these unprepared moms to keep getting pregnant and not me?" IT'S NOT FAIR!

[Txgirl4evr]

Dhanna425,
I have felt all the feelings you described, while I would never wish IF on anyone it is hard to understand why people like us, who want a child more than anything are not able to have a child and others have many and act like they do not want any of them. I guess the saying "Life is NOT fair" would apply. I have been ttc for 10 years and have been through all kinds of treatments and since I found this website a couple of months ago i feel like I finally have connected with people who actually know how I feel and what I am going through. I have a great supportive family, and they have done research and understand what I am going through, but they do not know how it feels. So vent as much and as often as you need to. There is always someone on here that has dealt with the same situation. Good luck in your quest for a baby.

[anne1140]

Originally Posted by hopefulmama

The most thoughtless, ignorant comment was while I was holding my terminally ill infant son in my arms - someone told me not to worry that maybe the next one would be a girl (we have two older boys).

I don't even have words for how terrible that is. I'm very sorry you had to hear that.

[anne1140]

Originally Posted by mommytoalex

I was just watching the dang Duggars (18 and counting) and I have to say, I am getting bitter. The only reason I even turned it on was because a friend said they were going to find out what the sex was of their first grandchild. I just kept thinking about people who decide they want children, and get pregnant within a few months.

On another forum I'm on, this was being discussed, and someone said, "I can't believe it took them so long to get pregnant!" I said, "Um, it took them approximately 4 months." And the response was, "I still can't believe it took them that long."

[mommytoalex]

Originally Posted by anne1140

On another forum I'm on, this was being discussed, and someone said, "I can't believe it took them so long to get pregnant!" I said, "Um, it took them approximately 4 months." And the response was, "I still can't believe it took them that long."

Which forum are you on besides this one? (If I may ask)

[dizyblond]

I have a great "what not to say"... it came from my mom of all people...

"Adoption is cheaper"