[anne1140]

I'm sure these are posted all the time, but when someone says something dumb, it always seems like I have to get it out, even though it's the same old, same old.

Two days ago, DH was at church, and someone came up to him and said, directly to him and no one else, "Our church is just so fertile, isn't it?" (We have 5 who are pregnant right now, and 2 who just had babies.) It would be annoying, but not so bad if this person didn't know about our struggles, BUT HE DOES! I'm really hoping it slipped his mind (he's forgetful), because I can't think of any other reason someone would say that to someone else knowing full well that they're struggling with TTC. To top it off, DH is having a hard time with it lately, because he's the one with the problem, and we found that out relatively recently. So I'm sure that didn't feel good for him to hear.

Just to add on to that, here are other gems that I've heard, some far more than once:

"Just relax."
"Try harder."
"You need to get on that already!" (Baby-making, that is.)
"It will happen when it's God's will."
"Maybe it's not God's will."
"Have you ever thought about adoption?"
"Are you the only one here trying to keep her figure?" (Another church comment )
"You can have my kid. No, you don't want kids."
"You're impatient. It hasn't been very long." (It had been a year at the time.)
"How about I tell you all the awful things about pregnancy. Then you won't want to be pregnant."
"When are you going to have kids?"
"Your mom wants to be a grandma!"
"Maybe God's waiting for "friend" to move out." (We had a friend living with us for awhile. It's been a almost a year since he moved out.)
"The problem I have with IVF, and all fertility treatments, is that is makes the world less fertile." (That comment is so unbelievably ignorant...but we all know that.)

I've also had wonderful support, but unfortunately, that's fewer and farther between than the hurtful comments.

A couple of super-nice things:
A friend sent me flowers at work the day after we found out DH's motility was 0-1%.
Another friend sent me a card saying that if I needed meals or anything at all, I can come to her anytime.

Those two things really meant a lot to me. And funny enough, neither have dealt with infertility. They are both just very understanding.

Anyone else? Good or bad.

[Txgirl4evr]

I have a good one. The radiologist that did my first HSG actually said while I was on the table about to have the test done. "I have a 2 year old at home I don't know why you would want to have a baby." I was shocked and I said that the only people that say stuff like that is one's that have children. The radiologist and the nurse just laughed. Out of all the people you would think a professional that is doing an HSG for infertility would be a little more considerate. I have heard them all. Like relax and it will happen. Or adopt and you will get pregnant. Some people just open their mouth and insert foot. I just wish people were more understanding. Oh well at least people on this site and others dealing with IF understand.
Cassie

[mommysomeday321]

DH and I have been together for 4 years with no success in child bearing.

I've got tons of those too from other people, these are the stellar ones:

- My brother-in-law always mentions all the time- My wife doesn't have to try to get pregnant, It just happens. AND TELLS ME, She might be pregnant with our third child. May you please ask her if she's serious? or My wife and I can have children anytime we want to.

- My BIL (bro in law) again- My son has just started to learn how to walk... Mom and dad (their parents) really adore him! It feels so good to be around my little chum, chum!

From random people I know:
- How come you're still childless, are you infertile?

- You still don't have kids? Why? Something wrong with you?

- Whoa! Everybody's getting pregnant but not you

- When are you going to have kids?

- We are expecting our second baby, when are you guys going to have your first?

Pretty, pretty stellar, aren't they?

[bistro]

My husband has a friend who has no social skills at all. DH prefers to take a different approach than me with his buddies, which is fine, but he has not really told many of them of our struggles, he just kind of ignores it. So literally, EVERY time we hang out with this guy, the 2 same things are repeated OVER AND OVER:

"My sister's out to here now. I hope she stops after this. Every time my nephew comes over my house gets wrecked."

"When are you two gonna have kids?"

ARG

[mommysomeday321]

Originally Posted by bistro

My husband has a friend who has no social skills at all. DH prefers to take a different approach than me with his buddies, which is fine, but he has not really told many of them of our struggles, he just kind of ignores it. So literally, EVERY time we hang out with this guy, the 2 same things are repeated OVER AND OVER:

"My sister's out to here now. I hope she stops after this. Every time my nephew comes over my house gets wrecked."

"When are you two gonna have kids?"

ARG

This is for you and for me and for everybody out here praying, wishing, hoping for the little babes to come:

[Airman'sBaby]

My DH and I were at my friend's house. She was aware of my struggles with infertility, and the fact that my tubes were closed. Well, she must have discussed this with her boyfriend at some point. He said to DH, "So you guys can have unprotected sex all you want and nothing will happen? You're a lucky man!"

Needless to say, we immediately left before one (or both) of us ended up in jail.

[BabySteps]

Gosh these feelings are so normal and I have heard all the comments. I actually went as far at one point to tell people that I did not want children. My SIL got pregnant twice at Christmas after partying so I heard a lot of "just relax, have a party and sex and you will end up pregnant" Yep, I wish it only cost a bottle of wine and night of wild sex..lol

[arucker]

I finally just heard a good insightfull comment. I was feeling really down on monday about the look on my dads face when he asked why I went to doctor and I told him to get a physical for the adoption agency. He just had a look of disappointment or maybe not even that, just he keeps thinking I'll get pregnant. I think he is in denial still. So anyway I'm on facebook and I made the comment. " how come when I pray for rain, it does. But when I pray to get pregnant, nothing. It's like a cruel joke" Well of course I got the typical comment from a guy I went to highschool with that has 5 kids that I could borrow a couple of his (no surprise there) then a friend who is going through the same thing said "I feel your pain". But then my aunt (by marriage) said "god gives you what you need, not what you want". I got an oprah Ahhh Haaa moment. I guess something just clicked. I don't want to believe it's true, but maybe it is. So now when I feel down in the dumps I just think of that. Hope that makes some of you girls feel a little better, I know it did me.

[marilynn]

Originally Posted by arucker

But then my aunt (by marriage) said "god gives you what you need, not what you want". I got an oprah Ahhh Haaa moment. I guess something just clicked. I don't want to believe it's true, but maybe it is. So now when I feel down in the dumps I just think of that. Hope that makes some of you girls feel a little better, I know it did me.

Arucker, I feel like that now re: God giving you what you need. I kind of have come around to that understanding but it has been a very slow, painful process to get here.

The worst thing I have had said repeatedly to me was from my cousin who became pregnant with her third and was using a condom. She kept on calling me to tell me how sad she was that she was pregnant (knowing our IF struggles). How much it wasn't a good time. I was like, "Is this girl for real?"

[lisa_kev]

I've gotten this one recently:

"Maybe you were put on this earth to adopt, there are children out there for you."

And from my mom, which hurt the most without her even knowing it.

"I got pregnant with you the 1st time your father and I tried. I always thought about donating my eggs, wish I would have known what I know now. "

My mom is close-minded to the whole fertility process. Yes, she's gone with me to a few appointments and sat with me during our 2nd IUI-but doesn't comprehend what I tell her. I don't have egg issues, I've told her over and over. She doesn't do any research and if I tell her something and bring it up again later she asks "what's that", even with me going over and over it with her. It frustrates me!

Also another thing that bugs me is my mom won't even bring it up. Not even so much as ask how I'm doing/feeling. When I speak of anything to do with infertility she is quiet. I told her last week our next step was IVF-mum was the word in her response.

My mom has also said:

"Maybe it's not meant to be"

[arucker]

Lisa- I'm sorry about your mom not being supportive. There is nothing worse than having a person you love so much say stuff like that. My mom is supportive, she just hates seeing us spend so much money. She keeps telling me also that it's just not meant to be. She is not saying it to say it, but she truly believes it. I'm starting to think the same thing. She is happy we decided to adopt. She said at least we will spend money and get a baby. So she is happy with that. Sometimes people just don't understand what they are saying or don't know what to say or is uncomfortable with the whole situation and doesn't want to upset you so they say nothing. After trying for almost 7 years now I understand and don't get upset anymore. Just irritated. Maybe you should just sit down with your mom and explain how you feel and what she say's is hurting your feelings. Maybe she will think before she say's something next time. Anyway, good luck to you.

[starfsh25]

I can relate. My favorite is, "I'm sure it will happen when you stop thinking about it." Like that is going to happen.

I also love, "Are you sure you're not pregnant right now? You have a glow." The glow you are referring to is anger.

Ahhh, thanks. Now I feel better.

[wtnganother1]

My mom has a way of saying very hurtful things, too. The worst was when I would say another cycle didn't work and she would say......."you need to stop skipping church on Sundays"

And if I had a dime for every time I heard "maybe it's not meant to be......"..........I could have paid for my injectibles!

She couldn't believe I was giving myself shots every night. But, of course, now that it's worked, I don't hear any of the negatives. Some people just don't understand, no matter what you say. And some people have no idea that they are hurting you, even though they should.

[ladyki]

One that got me really upset, almost to the point where I was ging to cry was from my BIL. He is a very ignorant person and usually does not think he before he talks. He asked us if we had ver tghought about baby names, and I said yes. He asked "so when are you going to have kids?" I told him that at the moment I could not and needed treatment. He then told me, "why are you thinking of names and saying that you want kids if you know you can't have any".

My husband just blew him off, but I was really upset.

[lisa_kev]

arucker-

Honestly, I just would rather sob in private. Not worth getting myself all choked up, I do that enough on my own now days. I know deep down mom doesn't know she's hurting me. She's never been in our situation so it's hard for her to relate. I've just found myself trying to keep my conversations with IF limited.

My dad on the other hand is very supportive (surprisingly) and asks questions all the time. Positive vibes are what I need and he's been providing that. A total flip from what I thought the reactions would be.