[harpjs]

I can relate also. Both my sister and my cousin have gotten pg while we have been ttc and neither of them are marreid or were ttc. Another of my cousin's wife's got pg too and even though they had tried 3 years due to her tubes being blocked, it was still hard to see her grow. I was truely happy for her but it was hard to be around her, all of them actually. My cousin's wife actually had the baby the same day as my embryoscopy (partial D & C) so I will unfortunately remember that day forever. I skipped a number of family events because of all the preggos. Or I would walk away as soon as they started talking about it to others. That might have been rude of me but it was better than blowing up at them, I thought. A lot of times, I just couldn't put myself though it, I knew it would be too hard. You have to be selfish and take care of yourself. Don't go if it will be too hard on you. It isn't worth it if it causes you pain. DH always tells me to have 'digestive issues' if I don't want to go to something. Best of luck in coping with this. I know it is hard and so many on these forums can relate. You are not alone. Take care of yourself!

[Waiting717]

you are not a terrible person! I think most people trying to conceive go throught those same feelings...I know I do. It is completely normal! Every time someone gets pregnant i find myself saying......'they didnt even want a baby, and why them and not me?' Just try to remove yourself from all of the congratulating at the family party. it's natural to feel this waty..,..just hang in there and try to stay positive.....your day will come and it will be all the more special because it is something youve been dreaming of i'm cheering for you!

[Kris79]

I'm so sorry for the pain you are feeling. My SIL announced she was pregnant with #4 while we were waiting to find out if we could extract sperm surgically so we could do IVF. I sobbed and screamed that whole night because it seemed so unfair that they could have four and it was looking unlikely we could have any. I think one of the worst things about IF (aside from the ache to have a child) is not being able to feel the joy in these otherwise joyful experiences that everyone else gets to feel. Babies coming should be something to be joyful about, yet we can't get there and no one but our husbands get it (and even sometimes they don't understand). We ended up going to meet our new niece this spring less than a week after finding out my 4th IUI with donor sperm didn't work. I thought I would be devastated, but if anything I just fell so in love with that baby and she reminded me of why we are going through the pain and disappointment month after month.

On the other side of things, my older sister has IF struggles and has not been able to conceive and likely won't. I knew it would be painful for her to learn of our pregnancy and it broke my heart when she later told me she had a meltdown the night I told her. Even though she knows our struggles, I understand why she feels that pain. A baby in the family is hard to avoid and I know what she is feeling having just gone through it with my DH's sister. I know she is happy for us, just sad for her and her husband. It just hurts to know that my pregnancy has to hurt her and that she is now dreading "suffering" through my baby shower...but I get why she feels that way. IF just sucks!!

All that said, people just have to understand if we miss things because of IF. I've tried not to do this much, but sometimes you just have to protect yourself. Good luck to you, no matter what you decide about this weekend.

[StillWaiting410]

Wow, it's nice to know we've all felt/feel this way.

My best friend (who happens to be my SIL - husband's sister) never wanted children. She was adamant that it was not the path for her. She is single and loves the single lifestyle.
She called a 'family meeting' and announced that she was adopting a baby boy! I could hardly stand to be in the same room as her! She announced that the baby would be born in a month. A month!!! (I almost wished she would have announced that she was pregnant... it would have given me more than a month to get used to the idea) She knew about this months ago.. but she waited until now to tell us?! And.. In front of everyone?!?!?
She was given this opportunity through a friend of a friend.
This family meeting was prior to a birthday party that we all were attending and she decided it would be great to make the announcement there as well. I thought... OMG I really have to sit through all this?!?! My husband asked if I wanted to go home, but I thought I had to tough it out. Had I known then what I know now... I would/should have gone home.

Then... I was asked to plan her baby shower with my other SIL! REALLY?!?! My DH said I should. I don't think he understood the emotional aspect of it all. He was just thinking, 'but that's my sister'. I was in between cycles at that point (thank God... bring on the vodka!). I cried all the way home. She just couldn't understand why I was the only immediate family member who didn't go back to her house to parade through the gifts again.
The first week he was born, she asked me to babysit.... They really just don't get it.
Now, he's 3 months old. Cute as can be. I don't mind being around him.. it's her that drives me crazy!
I still have a hard time around her.

Latest news.... she wants his baptism the same weekend I'm going out of town with my cousin (the one person who understand IF). She asked me to cancel my weekend because 'this is more important'.
I just really cannot stand her right now.
I amended my plans... for her son's sake, not hers. And I've decided this is the last time I bend over.
My DH sometimes thinks I'm being unreasonable. I fear I'm withdrawing from him sometimes too. But some of it may just be the hormones :-)
Her reaction to anything IF now.. is 'you should just adopt'. ARGGG!!!
(which we may consider, we're just not there yet)
I get it that most people don't understand. You just hit that wall sometimes, where it bugs you some days more than others.

Wow... Sorry for the long post, but thanks for letting me vent!!

All you women are amazing... I couldn't imagine going through this w/o you all!

[Amy-Lynn]

Cemp,

I know exactly what you are going through. I just found out that my sister-in-law is pregnant with baby #2. I am a little angry at her and it is hard for me to be happy for her right now. She decided to announced it when she knew I was just starting up my 5th cycle of clomid with IUI this week. These treatments and medications are not fun and I just feel like some members of the family aren't respectful or understanding at all. Everyone keeps saying "you guys are next" and I feel like that is the last thing you should say to a person having difficulty with fertility...it makes me want to cringe! Anyways, so I just had my second IUI yesterday and I am not feeling well at all and this coming weekend my in-laws want everyone to go to their cabin and I just can't bare the thought of all weekend hearing my sister-in-law and everyone else talk about her pregnancy. I was on my way to a doctor's apt the other day and my mother-in-law called while I was driving there. Even after the fact that I told her I was on my way to see the specialist, she proceeded to go on about the "good news" about my sister-in-law being pregnant. I thought that was so insensitive of her and I have been in tears all week over this. I understand what you mean. I don't mean to be selfish, and I want to be happy for her, but right now I just can't.

[Hopefulmommy09]

If you are anything like me you will look at my signiture and see that I have three children and not want to listen to me or even be angry that I am responding to your post.......but believe me I struggled. I was having multiple miscarriages and it broke my heart. During my last miscarriage my friend called me up to say that she was pregnant from a one night stand. That whole night I couldn't sleep I was heart broken. I completely isolated myself and stayed in bed for days. I sat her down and told her that I could not be her support and that I had trouble being around her. It hurt are friendship, but I didn't know what else to do. It killed me that she was pregnant. It was than when I decided that I JUST wanted to be a mother and we moved on toward adoption. I spent all of my energy into adoption and we were matched right away! It was the best thing that every happened to me. We than went on to become pregnant and I just had a very complicated pregnancy. I still cringe when I hear someone is pregnant because of the mess and trouble I went through. It is like I have conditioned myself to feel this way. Even though I have had two biological children I still get that uneasy feeling.......I don't think it will go away. I just found out that I have Hughes syndrome and MTHFR and I am shocked and scared for any future pregnancy's that I have. This has brought up those same feelings and believe me family and friends do NOT understand.

It is ok to feel how you feel. If it is going to do you more harm than good I would not go. I wouldn't even say why you are not going I just would say that something else came up. You can't hate your sister in law, but you can hurt for your self............you can keep your distance and have your DH say the congrats.......infertilty is awful and I tear up just thinking of the pain......not to mention the fear of the unknown.......Even though I have children I still struggle with it and I think I always will. A person can not go through the pain of infertility and forget about it. I wish you the best of luck....................if you want to be a mother you will be!

[wtnganother1]

I agree with so many of the posts here, and remember hearing those announcements and feeling like I couldn't take one more of them. But, I must say that every time I heard about someone else, and cried, and dwelled on it for a few days at least, it confirmed that I HAD to keep trying, and that I couldn't bear it to not try as hard as possible. Some days I would lay at the RE's office, having another ultrasound, or getting up early to get to his office for bloodwork before work (once in a bad snowstorm), or sticking myself with another shot, wondering if this would work, or if I was crazy....maybe I should do what my friend said and just enjoy the son we had....DH was fine with another one, but fine without another....why was I pushing so hard for this.....

But every time, and there were many, that I heard about the latest arrival-to-be in the family or friends, it crushed me and confirmed that I was on the right track, that I needed to do this, that I wouldn't be happy or content without trying very hard. Now, it did work for me, and it doesn't for everyone. I do not know how I would have coped with it all if I did everything and it didn't work. I guess if I still felt that deep pain that we all feel, it would have pushed me into adoption and the long process that that can be.

I didn't go to every baby shower I was invited to, even the family ones, because I couldn't take it. I avoided some people I wouldn't normally avoid. But when I finally got pregnant, I wanted to shout it to the world, and wanted them to be happy for me. If I have told someone that I didn't know well, and they have had IF problems, and I didn't know it, they may have felt that terrible pain, too, and I wouldn't know it.

[AspiringMother]

I so sorry. It sucks when everyone else seems to get pregnant without trying. A friend of mine got pregnant after 8 days from going off the pill, and got pregnant with her second when her first was 4 months old.

Big hugs!! Hang in there, I know it's hard.

[ajhonnert]

I know exactly how you feel! I also just found out that my sister-in-law is pregnant with their 3rd. My brother didn't even want another one. He said they got drunk one night and had a slip up and of course one unprotected night & she was pregnant! If only it was that easy for all of us! Our best friends also just started trying and I am sure they will get pregnant in no time b/c she said she really doesn't want one yet but her hubby does.