[daisey]

hello -
i am new to this site - quite frankly, i do not understand half of the terms that i see used - letters instead of spelling out the full terms and i am frustrated. I just turned 43 years old, have had two miscarriages, the second of which resulted in surgery and a myomectomy, which was a good idea i think. My husband seemed to be in support of the donor egg program and we met with our fertility doctor, searched some websites, made a couple of appointments to meet with and all of a sudden, he got mad at me and said he did not want to do it or have a baby with me. Did I mention he is bi-polar? We have been married almost 3.5 years. It has been difficult at times, especially the first 1.5 years, while we were figuring out his diagnosis, medication, etc. He is a surgeon mind you and is very smart however, there is a distinct pattern to his personality and it consists in a circle, which comes around on a regular basis, if you understand what i am saying. In other words, some times are up up up and happy, then others i can tell there is an underlying frustration going on.
Sometimes, I feel pretty much alone. He does not want his family to know that we are trying to have a baby, for the last 15 months although i share the ups and downs with my parents. Thanks for listening everyone.

[dylansmommy]

well i can be of a little help to you...at the top of your page will be underlined words in grey(i think) the one that says acronyms has a list of all the "shorthand"...unfortunately if you deal with this for any length of time(by this i mean trying to conceive,ttc or infertility,if)you will become all to familiar with the shorthand...second that definitely has to make it harder for you dealing with ttc and your husbands illness...i have bipolar relatives and even when the medication seems to be working there are still ups and downs...have they figured out a medicine that seems to work well for your husband and is he good with taking them...if so then it may be helpful to try and wait for his more positive side to cycle thru again...is he ok with adoption(are you) that could possibly be less stressful for you both...maybe he is worried about passing his bipolar disease onto any children you may have...have you talked about that aspect?...i am sorry it sounds like you have a tough situation and i hope you and your dh(dear husband) are able to work thru things in a manner that makes you both happy...good luck

[karens]

Hi Daisey-

The decision to use DE is a difficult one for most. I am about to start my cycle in a week and am hoping for a ER (egg retrieval) and ET (egg transfer) in mid Nov. The success rate is so much higher- our doctor has a succes rate in the low 80's. I have had 4 miscarriages and lost 5 babies, and this cycle will be my 16th! We made the decision based on the much higher success rate of getting pg and sinced the eggs are typically from a much younger woman, the risks can be much lower than using my now 41 y/o eggs. I invite you to join all the wonderful ladies over at IVF Cycle with DE II - It is a wonderful group that really helps support each other, and there are so many success stories! I wish you much luck!
Karen

[daisey]

thank you both for responding to my post. I was terrified to post anything and felt guilty for doing it. My husband does take his medication regularly however, his psychiatrist had told him that taking the medication is one aspect - he must go see someone to talk about how to deal with being bi-polar and how recognize signs but so far, he has refused to do this.
We are both adopted, so having a "natural" child was of great importance - I feel okay about donor egg because it would still be my child as far as I am concerned because I would carried the child and give it life - so i feel i have come to terms. In the back of my mind, i have been afraid that during one of my husband's "bad" moments that he would try and say the baby was not mine - bi-polar people can be quite mean and vindictive - just one of the many things i am afraid of.
we had another bad day today - he was feeling better and i was impatient and brought up the baby issue again - mistake of course. he has stormed out.
best of luck to you all. I will continue to follow all of you and see what happens.