[kellbri]

Hello everyone. My name is Kelly. I am 29 and DH is 32. We have been trying to get pregnant since Feb 2007. I have gone trough a year of trying natutally and 3 IVF cycles. Our 3rd IVF ended in a chemical pregnancy. I was born with no tube or ovary on the right side. The left side has a tube and ovary. I had laporscopic surgery last fall that showed my tubes are open and I ovulate and get my period every month. My husbands tests are all normal too. Nobody has an answer for us. It is basically unexplained infertility.

It has been an emotional 3 years for us. It seems like everyone I know is getting pregnant on the first try. I have developed severe depression because of this, especially after the chemical pregnancy in June.

I don't want to feel this way anymore. I don't know if I am ready to accept that we may never be parents. I want my life back and I would love to talk to people who know what this "empty" feeling of infertility feels like.

I don't do drugs and barely drink. I am in shape, eat healthy and workout so why can't I get pregnant and those irresponsible women who are on drugs and all can? I just don't understand.

Thanks for listening,

Kelly and Brian

[jjbaxter]

Hello and you have come to the right place I am sure someone has had a situation like yours I don't have any advice but I wanted to say hang in there.

[amgarcia]

Hi Kelly, I usually don't post anything, but after reading your post, I just felt I had to. In fact, I got so emotional that I read it to my husband and began to cry before finishing. I know how frustrating all of this is, we have struggled for 3 years and on 10/2, I got my 1st I could not believe it and I still am in denial. My husband insisted that I reply and give you my advice. It sounds like you take care of yourself really well and that is awesome!! I have been going to acupunture for over 2 years, but it was not until May of this year that I found Patty. She focuses on the herbs. My suggestion to to find an acupunturist who provides herbs (powder form, not pills). They may suggest giving up caffiene and cold drinks.
Good Luck!!

[MagRN]

I have not been trying for anywhere near the amount of time you have so I'm afraid I have no advice to give. I simply can offer understanding when you say that friends/ those who are not equipt get pregnant, and you are not. I'm a RN in the emergency room and I see many teenage girls who are pregnant and I always think "These poor girls are about to give up their childhood for something that I desperately want but don't have." Don't even ask me what I think when drug addicts come in with + pregnancy tests, ugh. Best of luck to you and your husband in ttc.

[kellbri]

Thanks guys. It seems that everyone understands the frustrations of trying to get pregnant.

Amgarcia, I am so happy that you and your husband got a BFP. I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers that you have a healthy little heart beat in a few weeks. Thanks also for the advise about accupuncture.

[AllyBourbeau]

I totally understand! I feel like I have a whole other side of me that no one knows about and it's so hard. I feel like because I am only 24 people will just say "you're so young, don't worry, it'll happen when it's supposed to." So I don't talk to anyone about it. DH is really great and let's me vent all the time but I wish I could open up and tell my family and friends... But they're all busy getting pregnant!

[wtnganother1]

I understand the emptiness that you're feeling. It's a gnawing pit inside that won't go away and can't be filled up. Yes, that one. You're embarrassed you have it, can't explain it to anyone who's never felt it, and you just want it to go away, and it won't. I kept trying to convince myself that it was okay if none of this worked, but I knew it really wasn't, and that I would regret not having another baby for the rest of my life if we couldn't. It was all of this angst that kept me going on the path when I thought about quitting, because I knew the pit wouldn't go away if I quit. If we had tried IVF repeatedly and it hadn't worked, adoption would be under consideration. I'm not saying you should give up or adopt or anything, I'm just saying that we would have considered it. Whether we did it or not, I don't know.

I found out that the best person to talk to about infertility was one friend that I had that had been through it all. She could truly understand. The rest of the family and friends couldn't, and would just say things like "if it's meant to be, it will be....". DH was very understanding, but guys feel differently than women about this...the hormones aren't the same at all. Anyway, this friend and her husband had unexplained infertility. The did everything they could, and eventually adopted a beautiful little girl from China. Her emptiness is gone. I hope yours goes away, too, and that you find peace, however it comes.

[kellbri]

Thank You for all of your comments. I keep telling myself that I will be ok if treatments do not work but deep down I know I am not. I know what you mean when people say things like relax,you are young, it will happen......ughhhh it drives me nuts. Nobody truly knows what it feels like unless they are going through it.