[jtonnis]

Hi. I have been struggling with infertility for 6 years. I still feel humiliated every single month when I start. My sister and mom follow my cycles because they want me to be preg so bad. No pressure from them, just support. But, I find myself wanted to hide when I ovulate and when I am supposed to start because I don't want to answer all the questions. Evey month I get excited and think that this might finally be it and then I start and I have to tell my DH, sister, and mom and I feel so embarrassed and humiliated. I know it's not my fault that I am infertile, so why do I feel this way??? I know logically that there is no reason to feel humiliated, but I do anyway. I feel so stupid because I get so excited and then I'm wrong every single time. Sorry to be so whiney, but I'm wondering if anyone else feels this way too. Is it normal to feel this way? Thanks!

[Kay]

normal? YES! Even though you are right, this is not your fault what you feel is what you feel! It is nice you have so many people around you who care and are supportive! I would suggest however, having a talk to them about how you are feeling. I sure wouldn't want to have an audience and have to announce everytime she came. You are under enough pressure. I am sure they will understand.
BTW... are you seeing a specialist? I know I felt a lot better when I finally got a good RE and started a plan toward achieving my goal. It has been a long haul for me, but I am very happy that I found good care and had success with medical help.
I sure hope you can announce to your loved ones the news you have all been waiting so long for!
Kay

[jtonnis]

I am not seeing an RE right now, but I have an appt with my dr on Tues and I am expecting a referral. I have only been TTC for 7 months this time, but I tried for many years previously and moved on to adoption. I have a wonderful 4 year old son but I am really wanting to try and get PG at least once. I am planning to adopt again, but I want to know what it feels like to carry and have a baby. I am in my 30's now and I feel like I'm running out of time. It is all so stressful!

Thanks for the encouragement. I will try to talk to my sister. My DH is very caring and sensitive and lets me offer information. My sister is caring and sensitive, too. We are incredibly close and I guess I need to stop worrying about hurting her feelings and just tell her I can't talk about it all the time. I'm sure she will understand.

[ladyki]

Originally Posted by jtonnis

I am not seeing an RE right now, but I have an appt with my dr on Tues and I am expecting a referral. I have only been TTC for 7 months this time, but I tried for many years previously and moved on to adoption. I have a wonderful 4 year old son but I am really wanting to try and get PG at least once. I am planning to adopt again, but I want to know what it feels like to carry and have a baby. I am in my 30's now and I feel like I'm running out of time. It is all so stressful!

Thanks for the encouragement. I will try to talk to my sister. My DH is very caring and sensitive and lets me offer information. My sister is caring and sensitive, too. We are incredibly close and I guess I need to stop worrying about hurting her feelings and just tell her I can't talk about it all the time. I'm sure she will understand.

Hello,

Just a piece of advice. Many doctors will not give you a referral until you have officially been trying to conceive for at least a year without stopping. Maybe you can just tell them that you have been trying for the last 6 years like you mention in your post.

My gynecologist did not want to refer me to a RE, it was not until I had surgery and they saw all the endo that he referred me to the RE.

Good Luck, hopefully you get to see a RE soon and you can start working on the best method to try to get you preganant.

[arbuckle17]

One of the few things that stuck with me from our marriage counseling was that when you get married you form an inner circle of trust and information.

If you and your dh choose to let tidbits out of that circle then you can but it needs to be agreed on by both of you.

My mother was continually asking my dw about how things were going. She was getting asked by grandparents sisters aunts and uncles. Finally, I took my mother aside and told her that she wasn't to ask my wife about it anymore because it was an emotional topic we needed to deal with within our marriage first. Once we felt ready we would willingly release information to them.

They were a bit set back that I was so closed with it but in the end they understood, once we had made it through the grieving process we released what, why, and that we were moving on to foster and adopt.

[jtonnis]

Thank you all for the encouragment. I got a referral to an RE today so we will see how that goes. I have been diagnosed with endo in the past and my dr knows that I have a long history of infertility so he was definitely supportive of the fact that I wanted to see a specialist. I have been seeing him for 13 years so he knows me well. He was very kind and supportive today, although it's hard to hear all the statistics and stuff. It has been a hard day, but at least I have an alternative now.

I want to let you all know that my husband and I have a very open relationship and I tell him everything. I do not leave out tidbits without his knowledge. On anything! However, when I take that pregnancy test and it is yet again negative, it is embarrassing for me to admit that I was wrong again and sometimes I don't tell him that I took a test. I'd rather ignore it and try to make it through the day the best that I can. He understands that and wouldn't expect anything else from me.

[Kay]

So glad you got the referral. I sure hope this is the answer for your BFP. Keep us posted.
Kay

[Linethlabella]

Ummmmmmm...I feel the same way you feel all the time. It got so bad at one point, that I was buying pregnancy tests without my husband knowing because I din't want him to get exicted and then the result was going to be a negative again!!!!!!!! Now, I just try not to think about my infertility too much because it gets me more stressed,anxious, and depressed. Right now only my husband and I know about our struggles with conceiving a baby but after 6 years of marriage my in laws probably figured out tht something is going on, but we thought that it was nobody's elses business but ours to know about what we are going through. Therefore, you should be careful to disclose too much info with your mom or sister because if doesn't happen defitnetly you would feel more humiliated as you said. Let just pray that our turn will come some day

[arbuckle17]

:/ from a husband perspective, tell him when you take the tests. It isn't a failure on your part. You need his support to help you through those feelings.

Besides I always knew when my wife took the tests. I never had the days for everything perfect but I could tell by

1: she would always be depressed when the test was neg
2: there are always hints, the cup, the wrapper, something.

Beside if he doesn't catch on via 2 and just experiences 1 without making the connection he might now know why you are are depressed and misread it as anger towards him.

Additionally, I held my breath until we knew, it was twice as much stress not knowing what the result was.

[petitone]

For three years everyone thought it was me since my husband has a son from a previous marriage.

I did EVERYTHING I could think of: acupuncture, chinese herbs (which tasted like old leaves in a rancid puddle), supplements, HSG, ultrasounds, even a lap to see if I had endo and all the time the doctors said, "we don't see why you're not pregnant". We finally started to see an RE this year and low an behold, they use stricter parameters for sperm testing and his morphology was a depressing 8%. It wasn't me and that was a relief in some ways. They did a DNA test to see if the abnormalities were viable and they were. We're still waiting to see if our 5 day blasty worked. It's looking a bit slim but if you haven't had those test, please look into it.
You don't know how many people told me to "just relax", as if it was all my fault.

Best wishes to you!

[jtonnis]

Thank you for all the support! It is nice to know I am not alone! I don't know anyone personally that has struggles like my DH and I to have children so I sometimes forget that we're not the only ones going through this. Thank you, friends!

[jtonnis]

Originally Posted by arbuckle17

:/ from a husband perspective, tell him when you take the tests. It isn't a failure on your part. You need his support to help you through those feelings.

Besides I always knew when my wife took the tests. I never had the days for everything perfect but I could tell by

1: she would always be depressed when the test was neg
2: there are always hints, the cup, the wrapper, something.

Beside if he doesn't catch on via 2 and just experiences 1 without making the connection he might now know why you are are depressed and misread it as anger towards him.

Additionally, I held my breath until we knew, it was twice as much stress not knowing what the result was.

I have my husband's support on anything and everything. He is there for me about the infertility and anything else! He is the best person I know and we love and respect each other more than anyone else in the world. My marriage isn't having problems. I don't feel bad about not immediately telling him about the tests and he knows that I take them occasionally and he doesn't feel bad about it either. We both know that it's not going to happen on it's own so the tests are just for me. He knows that there will never be a spontaneous positive so I'm not going to feel bad about taking tests and keeping the results to myself sometimes. Thanks for the advice, though.