[msnoonoo]

DH has always been really close with his family and tell them everything. When I say everything, I mean everything. Since we started ttc, his mom knows almost every detail about my cycles. During our first IUI in December, everyone in his family knew what we were doing. I mean everyone...mom, dad, stepmom, brother, little sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandpa. I didn't mind it too much then, but when it was a bfn for me and everyone called to see how it turned out, it was hard on us to have to tell them it didn't work out. We then told them all we were going to take a break from ttc until this summer.

Now that we changed our minds and decided to try another IUI this month, I told him that I did not want to tell anyone in our family, especially his side. He agreed on it at first, but yesterday he tells me that he wants to tell his parents. I told him that I would rather him not because I didn't want anyone to know and I didn't want anyone to "feel bad" for me because it didn't work out.

I am not sure if its the medication (I blame any moodiness on medication) but I just was so upset when dh wanted to tell his family. We had a few choice words between us, but as of right now, he is not telling anyone. Luckily for me, I have this forum to talk to about everything and he doesn't. That was his argument last night.

Am I being unreasonable by not wanting him to tell his family?

[lovingwife]

I know EXACTLY how you feel. I told DH that I don't want anyone to know about our cycles and treatments. I just can't handle everyone knowing every detail and calling to ask if it worked. We plan on doing IUI in May and the ONLY person I've told is my mom. DH understands, I tell me mom everything. We'll see if we both hold out and keep it to ourselves once we get the ball rolling.

You have every right to NOT want anyone to know. It's a very stressful time for you and DH. I agree that it just adds extra stress when the whole world knows where you are in your cycle. You are not being unreasonable. It's your body and your life, you have every right to keep this to yourselves. Stay strong sweetie.

[Eriksgirl19]

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. Being on "baby watch" is so emotionally draining. We have tried to keep each of our cycles as private as possible. IF is already a physical & emotional rollercoaster and when you add lots of caring & curious people to the mix...it just makes it that much more difficult. I wish you all the best!

[msnoonoo]

I knew you ladies would understand. DH has been busy working in the garage today. I think he is avoiding me. Thats ok. I have already gotten a haircut, pedicure, manicure and have a massage scheduled for 2:30. He can stay in the garage and pout.

[CryingInside]

We have been in the same situation, just vice versa. I am the type of person who wants to tell everyone. I see it as a way to educate, while dh sees it as an invasion of privacy. When we started telling people I was amazed at how many people wanted to talk about it, but now it seems that nobody asks us about it. It is incredibly rare for someone to ask how things are going.

Maybe there is a compromise you could reach. He could tell his parents to make sure they don't ask you about it. We did that for awhile and it worked out pretty good. My mom only talked to me, and made sure not to ask anything while dh was around. If his family is anything like mine it wouldn't work to ask them not to tell anyone else, but if he makes it clear that noone is to call and ask you anything it could work.

[Junebug]

Tell DH to jump on the forum. There are a few other DHs on here now that he couyld share with. Or maybe he could confide in a buddy, someone who wouldn't tell others??

[bright_eyescl09]

Originally Posted by msnoonoo

DH has always been really close with his family and tell them everything. When I say everything, I mean everything. Since we started ttc, his mom knows almost every detail about my cycles. During our first IUI in December, everyone in his family knew what we were doing. I mean everyone...mom, dad, stepmom, brother, little sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandpa. I didn't mind it too much then, but when it was a bfn for me and everyone called to see how it turned out, it was hard on us to have to tell them it didn't work out. We then told them all we were going to take a break from ttc until this summer.

Now that we changed our minds and decided to try another IUI this month, I told him that I did not want to tell anyone in our family, especially his side. He agreed on it at first, but yesterday he tells me that he wants to tell his parents. I told him that I would rather him not because I didn't want anyone to know and I didn't want anyone to "feel bad" for me because it didn't work out.

I am not sure if its the medication (I blame any moodiness on medication) but I just was so upset when dh wanted to tell his family. We had a few choice words between us, but as of right now, he is not telling anyone. Luckily for me, I have this forum to talk to about everything and he doesn't. That was his argument last night.

Am I being unreasonable by not wanting him to tell his family?

I agree with you completely. DH and I have agreed not to tell anyone that we are trying again just because it is hard enough to face this without everyone in our two very large families constantly calling to "check up" on us.You don't need any extra stress right now.

[sarah16]

I also agree, you decide what is best for you. My DH told his whole family and everyone month they were like are you pregnant yet? It was annoying and I really didn't want to talk about it.

[kerben]

At first, I didn't want to tell everyone either, but the longer the marriage went on without kids, the more questions we had. So, I began telling all my friends and parents (my parents) about our trials and tribulations. DH confided with his side as well (his parents, his close friends). It's odd that nobody calls to ask about results. I think that they think we will tell them if we were successful. And to date, it hasn't!!!DH's mother only talks to him about IF, and my mother only talks to me about it. So, I never have to be awkward when on the phone with the inlaws!

I wish the best for everyone!!!

[rhart]

When we did IVF my mom knew a lot about what we were going through. My husband's grandfather actually even went with us to my ER. His mother didn't/doesn't really seem to care, so we leave her out of discussions. We decided it was best to keep things between the two of us since then. His family suspects we may be up to something, but they don't know. I think it's a private matter and should be kept between involved parties and intimate friends and relatives only. I'm sure they would be shocked if you wanted to know details of their OB/GYN or urology visits.

[MamaSoon]

I told DH he could tell his mom anything he wanted as long as I didn't know about it. She can ask him questions but not me. I did ask him not to tell his brother because my SIL is not very supportive of me and I feel very, very vulnerable around her.

Your husband is entitled to get support too. It seems that if he can confide in someone who won't let on they know to you or discuss it with you or around you, that would be cool right? And maybe, DH would be open to discussing his feelings with a therapist. Or even to share with in blog land. There are a number of male bloggers out there. Check out this site:
Stirrup Queens and Sperm Palace Jesters: A Whole Lot of Blogging--Brought to You Sorted and Filed and look for the blogs under the title: "The Elusive Male Point-of-View!"

Good luck to you. You deserve to feel safe and protected and he deserves to be supported. Shoot for something that offers both.

This is such a rough journey!

[msnoonoo]

DH came to a compromise and I told him it would be ok for him to tell his mom (he is a total mama's boy), but I did not want him to tell anyone else. Also said that if MIL has any questions about it, then she would have to talk to him about it.

Josee - thanks for the link. I will have to take the time and read those blogs.