[makenalelu]

We have been TTC for 16 months. Did Clomid, Accupuncture and 1 round of IUI back in April. I've tested fine, he has tested fine. We have been discussing doing two more cycles of IUI coming up. I am 100% ready! He doesn't think it is necessary. He keeps saying "but we've been tested and everything is okay, we've just had bad timing" I could slap him! It frustrates me even more when he says that. He is a very positive and laid back person, so that comment is in his nature. I do want a baby, but at this point, to be honest, my urgency to do the IUIs is so that we can get things moving...after 16 months I'm tired of all of this (I know there are a lot of people who have been trying longer, I don't know how you do it). Why does he not feel the same urgency as me? Maybe because things are easier for him...I am the one getting the tests done, trying to "pretend" every other two weeks that I'm preggers (and I'm not). Wow...I think I have some frustration built up! ha! Thanks for listening...

[Krista]

I'm so sorry your DH isn't as understanding as he should be. Even though I haven't gotten my BFP yet I still think IUI is the best place to start...especially when everything is supposedly working properly.

Have you asked him why he's reluctant? I know when mine went in for his initial analysis at a clinic near our home he felt VERY uncomfortable there. Now we're being treated at another clinic and DH doesn't feel nearly as conspicious when he's making his "contribution".

Let us know how it's going... to you!

[makenalelu]

I think he feels as comfortable as could be expected at our clinic. I like our RE and really like our RN that is on our case.

[Staci]

My husband did the same thing for a long time. He wanted so badly to get me pregnant without help. It was like a ding to his manhood.

[Skittles]

I agree with Staci - mine doesn't get nearly as enthusiastic about IUI's as me. In fact he goes back to work after doing his 'thing' so I get it done on my own. I think he is struggling with the fact that 'he can't do the job himself'. Not that IUI has done the job...but you know what I mean!

That said, he's not ever made me feel unsupported. It's just that he doesn't seem excited.

[Lisa1323]

Originally Posted by makenalelu

Why does he not feel the same urgency as me? Maybe because things are easier for him...I am the one getting the tests done, trying to "pretend" every other two weeks that I'm preggers (and I'm not).

Makenalelu,

I was reading this book, "Conquering Infertility" by Domar that was recommended on one of the threads and it has been really helpful on many IF issues.

There was a section on differences between men and women in their responses to IF that I found very helpful. For example, "Although many couples agree that they both want to have children, I have never in my career seen a couple who are in the same place at the same time regarding pregnancy and infertility. The women usually, although not always, seem to be about a year ahead of the guys...Women tend to express a lot more distress than men do."

It's really great book so far that helped me normalize the experiences that were happening during this process.

[makenalelu]

Well the good new is...we are doing another round of IUI at the end of this month! He is on board, being super supportive. It took a meltdown on my part (I just found out my older sister who has been TTC for 6 months got her BFP). The plan now is do whatever the doctors say. Change in diet, I'm reducing my exercising, and he is limiting caffience (his vice!). Two rounds of IUI planned and then we'll see.

[Wanderlust4Me]

My hubby was the same way. Don't underestimate the male ego. Even though, we had male factor, I don't think it would have mattered. The reason was two fold:

1) A man should be able to get his wife pregnant the old fashioned way. Anything else makes him less virile and masculine. (to them)

2) Most men do not have the same urgency for parenthood at 30 as women do. Men do not realize nor care that women are meant to have children (body wise) in their teens and early twenties and our brains are not that far removed from that plan. Deep down a man at 29-30 can be terrified of children.

The unfortunate part is that you can't make him want to proceed, you can only make him not want to proceed. He needs to come to that dtermination on his own. If I had not pushed it, we would never have had children because maybe 3 or more years from now he would have been like- hey lets have some kids and god knows how much harder it could have been.

I laid off for serveral months because he wasn't ready and of course, we didn't get pregnant on our own. I then said that I wanted to try IUIs just for the 3 summer months and if it worked great and if not, fine. We would revisit it later or when we could plunk down for IVF in a year or so. He was more than happy to go for that since there wasn't the same pressure and low and behold we got a BFP on the first try!!

I really was so in my head about the wholt thing. THe more he resisted the more I wanted it and the more I obsessed and the more our relationship suffered. Also, things may not be as bad as it seems. After meeting with the RE, I was certain that IVF was the only thing that would work and the IUIs would be a big waste of time and emotion. He acted like and still maintains that we could have gotten pregnant on our own. Whatever, the end result is what I wanted no matter how.

When we first got the BFP I think he was petrified but after the 2nd ultrasound when we could see it move and the heart beat so fast, he really changed his attitude and is really excited. Men are altogether different animals.

You got your husband to agree to IUIs- yay- so now relax and make sure that he knows how much you appreciate him being on board and hopefully you will be in the due date buddies threads next month!!! All this will seem so far away!!!

GOOD LUCK!!!!!