[tygerlilly]

Originally Posted by nelly1

I'm so happy to hear that there are more ladies out there like me in the same place!!

Sadie, it sounds like we are in very similar places. The waiting is really rough, isn't it?? If it were up to me I'd start my IUI today! Will you be doing the IUI with clomid? I'm still torn about whether to start a natural cycle of IUI or just go with Clomid. So many decisions! Oh, and I agree that you should start with one vial at a time. I think there have been studies done confirming that back to back IUIs don't result in a higher pregnancy percentage.

Greg's Lady, CONGRATULATIONS on your pregnancy!! It is always fantastic to hear when it works out! It gives the rest of us HOPE!! I'm posing the same question for you...did you do a medicated IUI?

Luckily my DH is caucasian, blue eyes, dark blonde hair so we have a lot of donors to choose from

I think we've settled on one, now we just have to pull the trigger and purchase.

Tygerlilly, as far as donors "running out" of inventory (LOL)...we're using CA Cryobank and they are also willing to contact retired donors on behalf of couples. However, they charge $1500 just for the initial contact, then charge you for all the bloodwork/tests and then on top of that you have to purchase the vials. It is a really expensive option...oh, and you have to wait 6 months for the samples to clear quarantine and the like...

That's why I'm nervous about not buying enough. We really want 2 children, and it would be ideal for the two of them at least to have the same DNA.

WOW, thats pricey, but I think worth it in the end. I went through Sperm Bank California in San Diego . It was easy, they lied about the initial costs though.

[tygerlilly]

Originally Posted by Sadie987

DH and I are both O-, and it was important for me to find someone O- in the beginning, because if we have anything besides an O- baby, you would know immediately that he/she wasn’t ours. But, our donor is O+, so there is a slight chance that our baby could end up being O- if one the donor’s parents is O-. If we picked someone who was any of the A’s or B’s our child couldn’t possibly be O- because 2 O- parents can only have an O- baby. 2 O's can only have O's in general no matter what the RH. Nice little biology lesson for you. J
I will have to get that RH shot in the 3rd(?) trimester if I do get pregnant with this donor so my body won’t reject any future pregnancies from an RH + donor. Luckily no matter what, the baby will be able to get blood from either of us no matter what because we are both universal donors!

I am AB+ and Nick is A-, our donor was A+ so it is a flip lol.

[tygerlilly]

Originally Posted by nelly1

Alicia, God willing that we have a child through donor sperm, we will tell the child for sure. We haven't figured out the details of how/when to tell...we just know we will tell.

I honestly believe keeping a secret like that is too big of a burden to hold, and feel like it would be dishonest not to tell. If/when the time comes, we will tell the child and he/she will have the option of who to tell...we will not make that decision for them by telling all of our friends and family (although a select few family members know).

I understand it is a very personal decision on whether to tell/not to tell, but it is pretty clear cut for us.

I guess that's why we're not really stressing about the blood type of the donor, but trying to match other physical characteristics better.

I am going to disagree, and this is why...

It does not matter if Nick is their biological father or not, I think that reminding them everyday would be more hurtful to Nick than helpful to the babies. I do not want our children looking him in the eyes and saying "Well your not my real father anyway"... I did this to my step mom, several times. It is very hurtful, and I want Nick to feel that these are his babies as well.

We have decided not to tell our babies that they are not Nicks biological children. We were very picky with our donor to ensure that health histories, blood type, interests, hobbies, looks, etc. were a very close match to Nick.

This is a hard decision to make and everyone will have their reasons for wither side of the argument, but it is more important that my children accept that they are loved than focus on wondering where their bio father is.

[Greg'slady]

Originally Posted by tygerlilly

I am going to disagree, and this is why...

It does not matter if Nick is their biological father or not, I think that reminding them everyday would be more hurtful to Nick than helpful to the babies. I do not want our children looking him in the eyes and saying "Well your not my real father anyway"... I did this to my step mom, several times. It is very hurtful, and I want Nick to feel that these are his babies as well.

We have decided not to tell our babies that they are not Nicks biological children. We were very picky with our donor to ensure that health histories, blood type, interests, hobbies, looks, etc. were a very close match to Nick.

This is a hard decision to make and everyone will have their reasons for wither side of the argument, but it is more important that my children accept that they are loved than focus on wondering where their bio father is.

So can I assume you aren't telling anyone in your family at all? At first, that is what we were going to do.

[lisa_kev]

It is our decision NOT to tell our future child and family. This child will be my husbands child and we both agree that a daily reminder isn't necessary. As far as family, it's none of their business. People deal with infertility differently, some think it's meant to be and I don't want my child growing up with a reminder, or teasing because he/she "came from the milkman". It's not like we're adopting and chose to never tell. If the tables were turned and we were adopting, we'd tell but the donor we're using is just that.
A DONOR.

[lisa_kev]

Originally Posted by tygerlilly

This is a hard decision to make and everyone will have their reasons for wither side of the argument, but it is more important that my children accept that they are loved than focus on wondering where their bio father is.

Very well said.

[nelly1]

I agree...it's a TOUGH decision (to tell or not) either way.

I did read something written by the child of a donor that said something to the effect of "A blood donor is someone that gives part of themselves to sustain life. A semen donor is something that gives part of themselves to create life. There's a big difference."

I just have to agree with this.

[alfowler]

Any thoughts on using DH's brother as a donor? My DH has a brother that is 3 years younger than him with 3 children already so we know his boys are all good. Anyway, their personalities are a good bit different but their body type is very similiar. I have mentioned it to my DH once and he was not to crazy about the idea but we may have to consider it in the end. Does anybody else have this option or even thought about it?

[tygerlilly]

Originally Posted by Greg'slady

So can I assume you aren't telling anyone in your family at all? At first, that is what we were going to do.

My MIL knows, and that is it, none of the others know. They know we did IVF, but we don't want them to know that Nick is unable. If Nick want's someone to know, he can tell them. It is not my place to tell, as it is not my body or medical condition.

[tygerlilly]

Originally Posted by alfowler

Any thoughts on using DH's brother as a donor? My DH has a brother that is 3 years younger than him with 3 children already so we know his boys are all good. Anyway, their personalities are a good bit different but their body type is very similiar. I have mentioned it to my DH once and he was not to crazy about the idea but we may have to consider it in the end. Does anybody else have this option or even thought about it?

The idea was brought up to us by one of our doctors, and Nick said NO WAY. It would be like raising my neice or nephew... he does not want to know who we used at all. No friends, nada. The reason... he does not want to look at that person and be reminded that "so n so" could get me pregnant but he couldn't.

[tomekwa]

This is such a touchy subject for all of us.
I think that we're all going to have to agree to disagree with this.
For DH and I, a lot of our family members know about his condition. Not because I told the, because DH did. He felt like he had to and that he would get more support out of people that way.
He's also not affraid to tell his friends either. It's not that it doesn't bother him, it sure does, but the situation won't change based on how many people know about his condition or now.
Anyway. We talked about telling our kids about it. Specially when we got pregnant.
After talking to some friends and family members that have been adopted, we've chosen to tell our kids the truth.
I have a cousin who is adopted and we didn't know about it for a LONG time. It wasn't until someone forgot that he didn't know and told him about it that we all found out. He was 25yrs old when that happened and he still gets pissed off that everyone lied to him. He didn't get upset that he was adopted, he was furious that everyone lied to him.
The way I see it (my opinion only) is this. When there's a secret and you can't tell anyone, then it gives the impression that it's a bad thing. I would not want our child to think that he/she is a bad thing or that he/she should be ashamed of how they came to be.
Don't get me wrong, the idea of telling our child the truth scares the shi** out of me. We don't know when and how we'll tell them, but we will. Sooner rather than later.
DH and I talked about the possibility of our child saying some hurtfull things to him and the truth is, kids do say hurtfull things to their parents all the time. This won't be any different.

[tomekwa]

tygerlilly ~ one more thing about our similarities. Our Dh's are Polish - our DS is German - and our DS have blood type A+.
HAHAH....maybe we are using the same donor.
I used Fairfax. if u did too then this is way too much .

[tygerlilly]

Originally Posted by tomekwa

tygerlilly ~ one more thing about our similarities. Our Dh's are Polish - our DS is German - and our DS have blood type A+.
HAHAH....maybe we are using the same donor.
I used Fairfax. if u did too then this is way too much .

I agree that it is very touchy, and of course we have all decided on what to do or not to do when it came to telling our babies where they come from. I am leaving it up to Nick because it is his perogative to tell them or not. If he does I will back him up. I want to be sensitive to Nick and I will let him guide me through this.

It would be too much if we went through Fairfax lol. We went through California Sperm Bank in La Jolla California (outside of San Diego) lol.

[nelly1]

This is a random question but my next cycle should start on 9/10.

If I decide to do a medicated IUI (this will be my first IUI) would I need to do anything before the 10th?

When do they typically do the ultrasound and when do you typically take the Clomid?

I have a consultation with our Fertility Clinic on Wednesday to discuss all of this, but I REALLY REALLY want to get started in September and not have to wait until October to start our IUIs.

I would hate to miss our chance in Sept because I didn't have everything ready.

Thanks!!

[Raquel_09]

Hello ladies- I am happy this thread was started as well. As you can see from my signature below, this is where we are at. I will have my first IUI with DS this week. On Wedneday, it will be CD 14 for me and I will go in for an u/s. I don't know why they do it like that since not all women O on Day 14, but I guess to see if I am about to O.
It will be unmedicated. I that we will have beginner's luck because lately we have been tight on money and I am getting older.



As for the topic of telling or not telling, it IS a touchy subject.
I have told my parents and one of my brothers and his wife knows (love her!). They are supportive. My DH's mom is older (78) and an old-fashioned Catholic. We don't think she will understand. She is sick , so we plan not to tell her.
My DH's biological father has never been in his life ( go figure) so no point in telling him.
His siblings know to some extent. Two of my very close friends know, but that is all I am telling. No one else needs to know. Family or not.

My DH and I do plan to tell our child. How and when is still in question. My feelings come from the time my mom gave up a daughter to her childless aunt and uncle a long time ago. My mom was young, had to work, but no one to take care of baby. So with pressure from her family , she gave her up ( something my mom still regrets till this day). Many years later , a cousin told my half-sister by accident ( or so they say it was an accident). She must have been 10 or 11. She was never the same after that. Went on a downward spiral. I guess hurt from the betrayal. I don't know. I think it was. These are just my feelings about it. Better to be told then to hear it from others incase of an accidental slip.

I too am using Fairfax and I find them to be so expensive. Apparantly our clinic only works with them. Our choice for ethnicity is very limited.

GL to everyone else!