[deanie]

Hi, I'd like to take a moment to kevetch with all the other ladies of the 3+ IUI Club. We select lucky few, lol.

I'm looking at my upcoming 5th IUI with 50 mg Clomid, another FSH test on CD3 (my last FSH check was on Day 4 and Dr wants to check it again, she is dubious and thinks it should be lower) and follie checks somewhere around Day10 or so. Basically, I've lost my enthusiasm. I am emotionally drained. I was formerly thrilled to pieces and invigorated but after my last chemical pregnancy, I am wiped out.

So to our ladies going through mulitple IUI treatments, how are you holding up? How are you feeling, how are you coping, how are you going about your daily thought process, and anything else weighing on your mind.

I'm just feeling gone. I don't even know if I want to really do it anymore. Yes, the results will be more than worth the pain but at this point I am succumbing to the terrible thoughts that it's just not meant to be. You guys ever get this down too?

[alisonbaby]

Hi deanie, what a great idea. I am having IUI #4 this month and I really didn't think it would take this many tries. I am also taking 50mg clomid as I have my last 3 cycles. I actually started with a new RE this cycle, basically because of insurance coverage problems with my previous RE. I love my new RE though and when we had our first consult I really felt good about it. I am so sorry to hear about your chemical pregnancy, that must have been so hard to go through.

I completely get you in saying how draining this process is. It is so hard to get your hopes up every month and think positive thoughts only to get that BFN at the end of the cycle and having to think about starting all over again. I actually took a break from treatments the last several months, partly to try and pay off some bills we have racked up with all these treatments, but I think that my dh and I kind of needed it after 3 failed IUI cycles.

I work in a medical office which has family practice and OB so every single day I see plenty of pg women in the office which is so hard. Three of my co-workers are pg and every day I look at them and wish it were me. It is so hard putting on a fake smile for people all the time. It's hard when other people really have no understanding of what it's like to want a baby so badly and not being able to have one right now. I think about babies all day every day. My dh always tells me that I obsess about it too much but I don't know how I could not think about it. I see so many people with children who don't seem to appreciate what an amazing gift they are which makes me feel so resentful and sad.

My dh has azoospermia so we are using donor sperm. Going through the process of his testing and diagnosis was so terribly hard and devastating. When we decided to use DS and started the IUI process we figured if we had some sperm and the timing was right that we would be pregnant right away. So far I have no known issues preventing me from conceiving, it just hasn't happened yet. I know someone on this forum who got pregnant on her 5th IUI so I just keep hoping that I will get my very soon!! I hope you are able to get your optimism back and you have a very successful cycle this month.

[robandsamduke]

hiya, im Samantha, i just had my 7th IUI today and like you ladies NEVER thought it would be like this. Ive been struggling lately, but im chugging along i guess.

[bistro]

Hi all,

I am a little behind you guys - on my 3rd IUI but my fourth round of treatment (I missed one IUI due to missing the LH surge, so for that cycle did the meds and the follie checks and the b/w, just not the insemination - lots of the same emotions...).

I am trying to do all sorts of things to stay positive, but it is getting really hard. Since I am unexplained, as I think we all are, I am just starting to wonder if this is really the right protocol. Am I wasting my insurance money with something that is not going to work for whatever our problem is? It's hard.

My BFF is due in October and I feel a little strained in the relationship, even though it is not her fault and she has been very supportive of me. I just cannot be overly enthusiastic for her . . . and I usually am about these things. Normally, I would be calling her more, asking her more questions, trying to go shopping with her, but instead, I just ask her how she feels to be polite. It's not nice and I HATE it. This has been the hardest part for me and I did not think it would be.

If this one does not work, I plan to ask for a lap before moving onto #4, which would be the last for me before moving onto IVF. I think I have some of the milder symptoms of endo and after reading a lot about the disease, I would like to be checked. You can ONLY dx it through a lap . . . DH and I seriously wonder why this has never been brought up before.

But I am trucking along for #3, hoping that third time is a charm - especially with 3 follies for the first time... so we shall see . . .

Good luck to you all!

[IrishKelly]

Hi everyone! I am the same as bistro...3rd iui, but 4th cycle. We missed my lh surge last time.

I really believed that there was nothing wrong with me and it had to be my husband's fault when we started this journey out. My entire family, is extremely fertile. Well, not me. I have been dx as pcos. It is a new dx and I am still trying to figure it all out.

Thay have suggested ovarian drilling. I am not sure how I feel about that yet. I really would like to do a round with injectibles before that. I am not responding to clomid. I am lucky to get 1 mature follie.

I am still hoping this cycle works out!

Good luck and lots of to you all!

[bistro]

Hey Irishkelly . . . well, I am sorry to hear you have PCOS but glad to hear that you finally have a diagnosis other than unexplained. I am not sure what ovarian drilling is, but at least you have some sort of option to treat. Good luck whatever you decide!! I am for you girl!!

[robandsamduke]

bistro- i get where ur coming from. I just got home from being with my bff when she delievered, it really has strained us. she got preggers after being married 3 months, and she didnt know how she felt about it. now...she is obviously in love, but i cant say i wasnt jealous through out!

i too wonder am i doing the right thing, is this going to work for me or am i just setting myself up for failure! i even went to a psychic, who told me by oct. id be preggers, that was back in july. We were not planning on trying this cycle, but the doc insisted doing another iui, which he did free of charge! So it just feels like this time its in the stars...so we'll see what happens!!

[Logyn]

Hey Deanie...remember me? It seems like it has been a while since I've seen you on here. I hope I'm one of the few the you allow to join this lovely group of yours. LOL !! I am on my 5th IUI and this will be our LAST with RE's office. DH and I decided that we will do 6 cycles of donor inseminations in the privacy of our on home (ICI's)....if no success after that, then we may stop TTC all together..and it sux, but unfortunately we dont have the funds to continue after that. Sometimes I think it will never happen, or its hopeless, but I try to read the success stories on the internet that give me hope.

Hey, make sure to check out the IUI w/donor sperm thread too.

[IrishKelly]

Hi bistro!! It is nice to have a dx so now we at least know what we are dealing with. I am for you too! We all deserve to be mothers!

[alliben]

I'm similar to Bistro and IrishKelly...3rd IUI but 4th cycle. My first IUI cycle we did it unmedicated to see what I produced on my own since we knew I was ovulating regularly. Follicle never reached my Dr's 20mm requirement (got up to 18mm) so IUI was canceled.

Bistro! I could have written your post re your BFF. My BFF is also pregnant and due in October. Our relationship is VERY strained. She lives out of state, so that makes it easier. I did force myself to go to her baby shower, but sat in the back corner and chatted with other people. I don't ask her for updates, and she doesn't give me any. A couple of years ago, my other BFF had her 2nd child and that was REALLY hard on me. We had been trying for about 1.5 years when she had announced her pregnancy. My BFF that is currently pregnant was my shoulder to cry on during my other BFF's pregnancy. So she knows how hard it was for me. Because of that, I think she walks on eggshells around me. It's hard. Very hard. I feel like a terrible friend.

[sharky09]

Originally Posted by IrishKelly

I have been dx as pcos. It is a new dx and I am still trying to figure it all out.

Thay have suggested ovarian drilling. I am not sure how I feel about that yet. I really would like to do a round with injectibles before that. I am not responding to clomid. I am lucky to get 1 mature follie.

I am still hoping this cycle works out!

Good luck and lots of to you all!

Hey IrishKelly,

Just wanted to give you some hope. I was diagnosed with PCOS back in July and got my BFP yesterday! Personally I think its the Met that did it for me. My previous ultrasounds showed barely pcos ovaries and with my acne my RE thought maybe mild pcos and put me on Metformin. We had already planned a lap because we thought my problem was endo due to family history. During the lap, he found some gorgeous ovaries that looked they'd never o'd and I wont go into the other nasties that pcos does to them. Anyway he confirmed the pcos, so went ahead with the ovarian drilling. I ended up skipping 2 cycles due to the surgery. But my 3rd one was the charm. My skin has cleared up amazingly, I've lost 8# with barely trying and during my cd13 u/s showed 2 ovaries with only 2 very large follies instead of covered in small ones.
From my research it takes your body around 3 months to get the bad, androgen affected eggs out of your system. So be good about taking your Met, it will help with that. I'd talk to your RE about switching to Femara/Letrazole. It's more expensive since its primarily a cancer drug, but there are like 0 side effects. And there is some research out there that says it may be more beneficial for women with pcos. Cut the bad carbs and increase the protein. Anyway, just my two cents about what I think worked for me. And join us over at soulcysters.net.

Sorry for busting the thread with an off topic post.

Saying a prayer for you! Good luck!

[IrishKelly]

Originally Posted by sharky09

Hey IrishKelly,

Just wanted to give you some hope. I was diagnosed with PCOS back in July and got my BFP yesterday! Personally I think its the Met that did it for me. My previous ultrasounds showed barely pcos ovaries and with my acne my RE thought maybe mild pcos and put me on Metformin. We had already planned a lap because we thought my problem was endo due to family history. During the lap, he found some gorgeous ovaries that looked they'd never o'd and I wont go into the other nasties that pcos does to them. Anyway he confirmed the pcos, so went ahead with the ovarian drilling. I ended up skipping 2 cycles due to the surgery. But my 3rd one was the charm. My skin has cleared up amazingly, I've lost 8# with barely trying and during my cd13 u/s showed 2 ovaries with only 2 very large follies instead of covered in small ones.
From my research it takes your body around 3 months to get the bad, androgen affected eggs out of your system. So be good about taking your Met, it will help with that. I'd talk to your RE about switching to Femara/Letrazole. It's more expensive since its primarily a cancer drug, but there are like 0 side effects. And there is some research out there that says it may be more beneficial for women with pcos. Cut the bad carbs and increase the protein. Anyway, just my two cents about what I think worked for me. And join us over at soulcysters.net.

Sorry for busting the thread with an off topic post.

Saying a prayer for you! Good luck!

Thank you so much for your post!! It is the first time I really have felt any hope that things could work out! I wish you luck with your pregnancy!

[bistro]

Hey alliben...

It's so hard with her. I feel awful for not being more excited. I don't know how she feels about it all, actually, but it's strained for me. She is coming over today (she does not live out of state but about an hour away, so we do not see each other often) and I love her and want to see her but it is going to be so hard. She has said to me a few times during this process how "good" she thinks I'm being about it and how amazing it is that I stay so positive. Little does she know . . .

Your scenario sounds rough . . . she knows how devistated you were before. Mine does not because when she got pregnant, I had JUST gotten my surgery that we were hoping would do the trick. Mine is not even having a baby shower thank goodness for religious reasons.

Well . . . when we get out BFPs soon, hopefully before they give birth, we will be so happy and hopefully have good relationships again! I hope that the third time is a charm for us both!!! Good luck!

[Babson97]

Hi Deanie!!! So great to see you back on here. I haven't posted in quite some time myself... as you can see from my sig, I've decided to take some time off from all the craziness. But I have to say, it was probably the best thing I could have ever done. I, too, was feeling such a sense of hoplessness.... I thought it was never going to happen and was just about ready to give it up. I had lost all faith that I will become pregnant. That is not me.... and I needed to get my mind back in check. I also need to get my body back into some sort of shape. Mind, Body and Spirit - that was my focus these last 3 months.... and just enjoy life.

I am happy to report I am feeling like my old self again - happy, hopeful and healthy. I've been back at the gym, lost over 10lbs..... and the best part is I can't wait to start it all up again. I am eager and enthusiastic that this WILL work.... and I WILL be . I am on CD 12 and DH and I have been just about every day (always a fun thing!) so we'll see in a couple of weeks if it happened naturally. If it doesn't, well then on to Gonal F injections. It's going to be a challenge with my work schedule but like anything worth doing, you have to work hard in order for it to pay off.

I hope and pray each an every one of you wonderful ladies a ....

Go Go Mommies in 2010!!!

[deanie]

Hey guys! Glad to see everyone in this thread. Yeah, I am having a tough time but am thrilled to see Sharky's BFP!! woo-hoo!!

I just got off the phone with my mom and she knows I had another doctor's appt last week and wanted to know every dirty little detail but I couldn't tell her. It felt like the window to discuss it was closed, I can't talk about it unless I'm able to- does that make sense to you guys?

Then last night I was in a terrible funk again and DH was very much "BFD, we try again." And then when I told him I was heartbroken everyday, he said we haven't been trying long enough to be heartbroken, to which I told him he could go shove it. My last chemical was wrenching, I was so sky high happy and then filled with unrelenting sadness all within a 72 hour period. Brutal.

I don't want to be bitter, I really want to get hopeful and happy. I think I'll make like Babson and get to the gym. And Logyn, your new way of doing ICI at home sounds very peaceful. Maybe we'll try that someday, who knows.

Good to see Logyn and Babson again! And best of luck to all our girls on the board.