[JABarn]

I feel like there is no one but my dh to vent too. So I thought I would just do it here. I can't vent to my friends and family, because then we just come off as the "bitter infertile couple" and I really don't want them to think that of us.

About 10 months ago one of my dear friends got pregnant. She had a 3 year old son, but didn't want a second child yet. She actually called me crying because she didn't want to be pregnant and it was ruining her plans and she was just so upset that it happened. Of course I just listened, told her I understood. etc. I want her to feel free to talk to me about anything but, wow. I am not the person to complain to about being preggers! Of course I was supportive and when her baby was flown out because of a malformed bowel, I was the first one at the hospital with gifts, hugs, and support! Because her baby was special to me too. I was truly happy for her and for her!
Then on Valentines day last year our friends called us to tell us that they were preggers for the second time. I was happy for them but it really put a damper on our day, and to make it better on my birthday she called to tell me it was twins!
My best friend called a couple of days ago to tell me some mutal friends had their baby. I told her I was excited, but she kind of drilled for those emotions I was hiding. I figured if anyone, I could tell her. I told her I was TRULY VERY happy for our friends, I am just in a place right now, where I am searching for a happy ending. And although i happy for them and I CANNOT WAIT TO MEET THEIR BABY GIRL!!!! There is a little sadness that comes over me sometimes. Her resonse: "You know I am sure their are people who have to wait a lot longer than you for babies."
What a comforting conversation! Good grief! Just made me feel once again that I can't discuss this with anyone!

Sorry for being such a baby. I just get a little exhausted. Even with loosing our adoptive placement here soon, My family has been saying "well you knew it was a possibility!" Wow. I am just frustrated!!!! I just need a little tiny bit of support people. That is what I feel like saying, but I won't I will just bite my tougue! And complain here ;-)

[tomekwa]

I'm so sorry that you have to deal with so many inconsiderate people.
This IF road is not an easy one, no matter how long you've been trying, it's just draining.
I know for a fact that those that don't have to go through what we have to go through don't understand how we feel at all.
I've had to listen to smart comments from every part, family, friends and co-workers. It doesn't get any easier, although we all know that they say things because they don't know any better it still hurts, it does hurt a lot.
The part that sucks the most is that we have to deal with IF and deal with the fact that those that don't go through it just don't get it.
That's why we're here for you. Scream, yell, vent, do whatever makes YOU happy and helps YOU get through this.
Sometimes we have to be just a little selfish and a little B****y in order to protect ourselves.
I'm here to "talk" if you ever need to.
I hope your day gets better.

[charlie'smom]

JABarn I completely understand what you mean. I am so happy for my friends that are preggo, but at the same time, my heart drops a little. Then, we have the work "friend" situation...

My boss had said earlier this year that her daughter was going to start trying to have a baby...and they were concerned because her husband had Hodgekins lymphoma when he was younger and she had a brain tumor, so they weren't sure how it was going to affect their fertility...but low and behold, two months later, my boss comes in and says her daughter is 8 weeks pregnant! Meanwhile, I am still trying (after 4+ years...) and on my second round of Clomid and just an emotional mess...

Two days after getting back to work from having my D and C, my boss asks me how I am doing. I told her that the week before was rough, but that I was doing better. She then tells me that she found out the week that I was out that her son's 18 year old, unemployed, uneducated girlfriend was pregnant. She had been saying for two months that this girl needed to get her high school degree and that she was so worried about her son having a drinking problem and blah blah...and now they are pregnant...awesome, just awesome...

then last week, she comes in and says this girl now wantst to get an abortion. Are you f'ing kidding me?! Do you honestly think I want to hear this?! I'm sorry that she is an idiot, but do you think i am the best person to share this with?! And then yesterday, she tells me that another co-worker's sister just entered rehab, who was caring for her grandbaby, because the baby's mother was in rehab, and the baby ended up going to rehab with her and the little boy ended up going to live with another family member...

So I have decided that I am going to become a social misfit, and then perhaps I will get pregnant...because they tend to be the fertile ones...not the intelligent, educated, hard working individuals that we are....

[rebwim76]

I, too, know how you feel. Vent here all you want.

[tygerlilly]

Originally Posted by charlie'smom

JABarn I completely understand what you mean. I am so happy for my friends that are preggo, but at the same time, my heart drops a little. Then, we have the work "friend" situation...

My boss had said earlier this year that her daughter was going to start trying to have a baby...and they were concerned because her husband had Hodgekins lymphoma when he was younger and she had a brain tumor, so they weren't sure how it was going to affect their fertility...but low and behold, two months later, my boss comes in and says her daughter is 8 weeks pregnant! Meanwhile, I am still trying (after 4+ years...) and on my second round of Clomid and just an emotional mess...

Two days after getting back to work from having my D and C, my boss asks me how I am doing. I told her that the week before was rough, but that I was doing better. She then tells me that she found out the week that I was out that her son's 18 year old, unemployed, uneducated girlfriend was pregnant. She had been saying for two months that this girl needed to get her high school degree and that she was so worried about her son having a drinking problem and blah blah...and now they are pregnant...awesome, just awesome...

then last week, she comes in and says this girl now wantst to get an abortion. Are you f'ing kidding me?! Do you honestly think I want to hear this?! I'm sorry that she is an idiot, but do you think i am the best person to share this with?! And then yesterday, she tells me that another co-worker's sister just entered rehab, who was caring for her grandbaby, because the baby's mother was in rehab, and the baby ended up going to rehab with her and the little boy ended up going to live with another family member...

So I have decided that I am going to become a social misfit, and then perhaps I will get pregnant...because they tend to be the fertile ones...not the intelligent, educated, hard working individuals that we are....

I am SOOOO Sorry, and I feel for you, but I had to jump on and say you made me laugh so hard at tyour last comment about the social misfits!!!!

I felt I needed to drop my IQ level down as well, so I thought I was the only one who thought this!

[JABarn]

So SORRY that everyone has to go through this! Life isn't fair and I get that. I don't think anyone owes me anything because we are IF. I just wish they were more aware of the emotional rollercoaster we go through and maybe not judge us so quickly!
I always have people back home hounding us about "when are you two going to have kids already?" I personally feel it is none of their business that we are "trying" but haven't been able too for "4 years!"
Since the first time someone asked me that, and I felt my heart drop to my feet, I have NEVER asked anyone that question again...lol...
I just don't see why they don't get that not being able to choose to have a baby like they did, or didn't in many cases. Would be a tramatic experience.
Everytime one of my friends gets preggers I make a big deal for them. It is exciting!!!! I can't see why they don't understand that not being able to decide that for yourself is a hard thing to go through.

[deanie]

JABarn, I feel you. Sending you love, this is not easy. Sometimes it feels like the world is laughing at us, letting other people get so freely pregnant but not us. Sending you a big hug. Here for you.