[InspiredbyHannah]

I'm sorry ladies, but I just need a place to vent for a sec. This morning has been really rough. It started this morning because my DH and I were talking about how many IUIs we plan on doing before moving on to IVF. This will be our 2nd IUI and originally we said we would do three before moving on. Well, we both agreed that we don't want to do more than three, but my DH said he thinks that we should maybe consider going straight to surrogacy instead of IVF. He's point is that obviously SOMETHING is wrong and if we can use IVF technology and have someone we know can carry our babies, why nit go straight to that? I really do see his point, but is that just silly? Are we jumping the gun? My RE can't find a definitive thing wrong. Are we going to look nuts? On top of that I just feel like a failure. I feel like I'm screwing up so many peoples lives with this. I'm terrified that I'll never be able to have children and then once we figure that out I won't have enough money to adopt. I'm feeliv kinda hopeless.

Can I have your opinions: after 4 years of "trying" and truthfully more years than that of unprotected sex and NEVER conceiving, do you think surrogacy is crazy to do before IVF?

I just can't figure out why God would give me this undying desire for children if I wasn't meant to have them...

[tygerlilly]

I think you guys are jumping the gun... we did eleven IUI's with NO success, one IVF with success, so you may need the fertalization help.

[Kris79]

I agree...it took us five tries with IUI. In your situation, three is probably enough since you're dealing with unexplained fertility. But I would definitely give IVF a shot before jumping to surrogacy...you don't want to wonder what if...especially if there is no reason your doctor can find why you can't carry a child. I agree with tygerlily that is may just be a fertlization issue or there could be a tubal issue that got missed during an HSG (I've heard of this happening).

[AllyBourbeau]

It's totally a personal decision but here is my opinion. If you have unexplained IF than I think your chance for sucess is only 10-15% for IUI. IVF on the other hand is about 37% for you. Obviously these numbers vary based on clinic and what medications you're using and what procedures your doing in conjunction with IVF but my point is the chance for success is much greater with IVF so that might do the trick for you.

It's tough cause I would hate for you to spend all that money on IVF and end up with a BFN and regret going through it and "wasting" the money. On the other hand, if you went with a surrogate and she got pregnant on the first try would you feel cheated out of carrying the baby?

Also do you mean gestational carrier or surrogate?

Just some things to think about.

[tomekwa]

Sweetie this is such a tough topic. I can see why you would want to just go ahead with surrogacy. I also think that you really have to weigh the pros and cons here.
As Kristen said, if she gets pregnant right away how would that make you feel?

All that I'm saying is that you really have to be ready for whatever comes about this decision that you're making.
It sounds like you're such a wonderful person and that you're already such a great mommy. I can tell that you'll love a child no matter how he/she comes into your lives.

If you can afford to go ahead and try IVF then I would say go for it. You should give it a try.

I personality have always been afraid of IVF and always thought that if IUIs wouldn't work that I would go straight into adoption. After getting a BFP and losing our baby I've changed my mind.Although I'm scared to death of losing another baby,I have to give myself the chance and try whatever I can at least once. That's just my personal opinion.

I hope that you'll find peace in whatever decision you take.
Remember this is a decision that you and your DH have to make, whatever will make you happy is what matter the most here.
Good luck sweetie and hang in there.

[skyhope]

Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry you are having a rough morning - I completely understand your frustration. I agree with everyone else that you should at least try 3 IUI's and then there is always IVF which gives you a good chance of getting pregnant. You don't want to look back one day and regret not trying different treatments at least once before moving on to other options. So keep your chin up and just keep the final prize in mind-a precious baby!

[InspiredbyHannah]

Thanks girls! You are all so sweet! My DH and I have been talking about it throughout the day and feel a little better about things. There's just so much to consider. We just want kids...whether it's naturally, through adoption, or surrogacy. We just want to be parents. And eventually God will lead is there. Thank you for all your kind words and encouragment! You girls are the best!

Ally- I'm not sure I know the difference in a gestational carrier or surrogate...

[Schell1978]

Originally Posted by InspiredbyHannah

Ally- I'm not sure I know the difference in a gestational carrier or surrogate...

Kelly- I was curious too, this is what I found out...

The term Surrogacy is used to describe the practice of using another woman’s uterus (womb) to carry an unrelated couple’s pregnancy. Today, the term Gestational Carrier is the more appropriate term to describe this arrangement. Because of the invention of (IVF), an embryo from one couple can be implanted and carried to term by an unrelated woman, the Gestational Carrier. In this arrangement, the carrier is not genetically related to the child. A physician usually recommends the use of a Gestational Carrier if the genetic mother has normal ovaries but lacks a uterus, has a congenital abnormality of the uterus, has a history of pregnancy losses or a medical contraindication to pregnancy (pregnancy would be life threatening).


The term surrogate is used less often, because it implies traditional surrogacy in which a woman is inseminated with the sperm of a man who is not her partner to conceive and carry a child for this man and his partner. In this form of surrogacy, the woman is giving up her own genetic child to the other couple. The biologic father and partner then adopt the child after birth.

[lisa_kev]

I think you're jumping the gun too soon too. IVF does work! You've only had IUI's up to this point, am I right? DH and I have been TTC for over 9 years and we underwent our 1st IVF in September. You are still so young to give up on IVF yourself, do you have any egg quality issues or any reason to believe that the RE thinks you can't carry a child? Can you handle someone else carrying your child? I think surrogocy is wonderful, but you've not tried IVF on your own.

It's a very personal decision. I just think you need to try IVF w/ ICSI first before making other choices. They can make your lining very thick using injectables or suppositories. Once the fertilization is done it's just left up to mother nature then.

Best of luck you.

[InspiredbyHannah]

Krista~ Thanks for the info. I didn't know there was such a difference.

Lisa~ Thanks for the imput. After talking it over more, we feel like doing IVF first is the best option. It's scary, becuase one IVF will use up all of the money we have saved up for our fertility stuff(we pay everything out of pocket). But, I guess thats why we have it.

Thanks again and who knows, maybe IUI#2 will be what we've been waiting for...

[tygerlilly]

Originally Posted by InspiredbyHannah

Krista~ Thanks for the info. I didn't know there was such a difference.

Lisa~ Thanks for the imput. After talking it over more, we feel like doing IVF first is the best option. It's scary, becuase one IVF will use up all of the money we have saved up for our fertility stuff(we pay everything out of pocket). But, I guess thats why we have it.

Thanks again and who knows, maybe IUI#2 will be what we've been waiting for...

I had no clue there was a difference either lol... thank goodness someone googled it for me lol.

I know that there was some sort of fertilization problem with me after the IVF, out of 14 retrieved only 11 were mature and only 6 fertilized... no frosties. I think this would not have worked for us any other way. I never even got a BFP during those IUI's at least now I know I can get pregnant... now I just have to make it to term lol.

I am glad your guys talked, there are SEVERAL people that have success with IUI's... in fact I think there is a thread on the board somewhere that you can meet with couples going through the same thing I wish you the best, and I will pray for you, hopefully this happens sooner for you guys than us

[sarahelaine57]

I think your best bet is to go with IVF first and if it doesn't work look into surrogacy/gest. carrier both physically, emotionally, and financially, but here is my thought on the IUI process, the first one rarely works it seems so I believe it is the "practice" cycle to figure out meds and timing, etc. the second and third are more likely to be sucessful because you have found what works. When I got preggo with DS a lot of my cycle buddies and other ladies who got preggo around the same time got their BFPs on IUI #3 or 4....after the third one I believe the chances go down but I wonder if after the first one they go up...does that make sense? My nurse was very honest with us and said that the first one rarely works, and the second and third would have a better sucess rate. I hope and pray #2 is it for you and you don't have to make a decision about IVF at all!

[lisa_kev]

Originally Posted by InspiredbyHannah

Krista~ Thanks for the info. I didn't know there was such a difference.

Lisa~ Thanks for the imput. After talking it over more, we feel like doing IVF first is the best option. It's scary, becuase one IVF will use up all of the money we have saved up for our fertility stuff(we pay everything out of pocket). But, I guess thats why we have it.

Thanks again and who knows, maybe IUI#2 will be what we've been waiting for...

I understand how rough it is financially. IVF is a whole different ball-game. We paid out of pocket too and got pregnant, but you can see from my siggy it's not a happy ending. We will continue to try and hope for our FET in Jan '10. I would suggest looking into a "shared help" program if your clinic offers one. Our clinic has discounts based on your 2 year income. We were lucky to get a 40% discount, meds were still out of pocket. All in all, our 1st IVF cost us about $15,000.

Best of luck to you!!!

[InspiredbyHannah]

$15,000! It's amazing how expensive it all is. If we do IVF, we decided to do a shared cycle where I'll be an egg donor. Our RE told us for a shared cycle our costs will be roughly about $6,000. So it's not completely outrageous. Good luck with your FET! ing that its a success!

[lucy_ny]

Egg donor while doing ivf? I have not heard of this, it makes some sense to reduce costs aswell as potentially help someone else. I like that.


My Re's list of costs quotes ivf without meds at $7,000. Plus meds I am estimating $9000?

What are the costs of a surragate vs ivf? I guess it would be cheaper to go with ivf?

good luck with your descion, take your time though.
Lucy