[historyteach]

JennCat - that is an amazing lining. I will keep my fingers crossed that your follies continue to grow!!!

chicky - i am sorry that you are getting bad news, but you never know 10 dpo is within the window for implantation, don't give up on hope just yet. Good luck with the b/w on Friday. and as for the break, you will know in your heart when you are ready for it and you wont need your DH to tell you. believe me, i am there right now. you are in my thougths and prayers!

As for me, I am an emotional wreck, went to have my yearly done yesterday and i found myself glarring at those who were obviously pregnant or with little ones. I have become such a shadow of the person that I once was. i am ready for a break, but in the back of my mind, I keep thinking WHEN IS IT GOING TO HAPPEN? regardless, i hope that everyone has a great end to the week and then the weekend. thinking about you all and praying that the magic of the holidays brings us our little miracles.

hugs

[lovingwife]

Good morning ladies. Sounds like everyone is having a rough cycle. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for everyone that this cycle turns around and we see a bunch of for Christmas!!!

I'm trying not to get too psyched about this cycle. This is our first month trying after my HSG and DH finished antibiotics to clear up an infection that was killing his swimmers. We are really hoping it was just the infection that has been keeping us from getting pregnant. I'm trying to stay grounded and not expect too much. My RE thinks I may have ENDO and if DH really does have a problem, we won't be able to get pregnant without IUI anyway.

I never know if I should try to stay positive so I don't become a bitter person or if I should expect the worst so I'm not let down. My mom has been bracing for the worst and keeps telling me, I just don't think it's going to happen. Thanks mom. I know she doesn't want to be disappointed, but geez!!

Sending positive vibes and lots of baby dust to all!!:baby dust:

[chickycran]

Teach - I completely understand how you feel about become a shadow of the person you once were - I have become this obsessive person that over analyzes everything with my body and the only think I can focus on is getting pregnant. My DH and I had that talk last night and he is really concerned that I am so unhappy and not the person I was even a year ago. He supports me no matter what and just wants me to be happy. I have my ups and downs but unfortunately it seems that everyone remembers and reacts to the downs. I'm really tired of feeling like this. I also know what you mean about wanting the break but then always wondering when it is going to happen. I'm really starting to loose faith all around (faith in RE, faith in myself, faith in God). Funny that we both had to go the the ob/gyn this week for our annual exams and we were both surrounded by pregnant women. That really sucked.

Lovingwife - I'm sure your mom just doesn't want you to get your hopes up. My parents have pretty much started to just say nothing now since in the past they have gotten their hopes up only to find out I got a BFN. It sounds like this cycle will be a good one for you! The infection is cleared up and you had an HSG - the nurse told me that lots of women get PG after an HSG. Best of luck to you too!

Kimberly & Jennycat - How are you guys making out?

As for me, I go tomorrow for an early beta, progesteron, and estrogen test. I'm not feeling too positive about them and think AF has started or is just about to start. I'm still spotting but now with some clots (sorry if TMI). RE wants me to go on Nuvo ring (sp?) if it is AF and do an agressive IUI in the Jan cycle. I'm so torn about going for one more IUI or just saving the money for IVF. I'm scared to spend another couple of thousand bucks on a medicated IUI and get another BFN. The finacial aspect of all this really makes it even worse.

On a positive note, did I mention that my mom and I are going to Disney World next week to celebrate my birthday? I'm so excited to be a big kid again!!! We live about 7 hours from Disney so we are road tripping it and we got a great deal at one of the hotels in the park. I can't wait!

[historyteach]

Chicky - i am so jealous, I have never been to Disney and I just love being a big kid. I am trying to find those feelings again aroudn the holiday. I am so sorry that you are feeling the same way i am, it just sucks and there is no way around it. As for doing another IUI, make sure that you and your DH make that decision and not let your RE tell you what you should do. it is your money and your body! I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers... and i pray that you don't have to worry about it because you get a positive beta today!!!

lovingwife - good luck sweetie, i hope that this is your cycle, it sounds like you have all your ducks in a row!

as for me, just interviewed for a second job to save up for IVF in June. my life is revolving around IF. oh well, i have to convince myself that it will all be worth it in the end.

i hope that everyone has an amazing friday and a great weekend!!! hugs

[JennyCat]

Historyteach -It will be worth it in the end. I think of that every time they poke and prob me.

chickyran - I went to doc again today. There's one that's at 13.5 and a several smaller ones. Still not ready yet. They said it's common for things to start out this way. So now they want me to do a Gonal F injection to speed things along. I find out for sure this afternoon after my blookwork comes back.

[Kimnobie]

Well- I'm on CD 12 and went for my u/s....I have about three follies at 15 and a few more at like 8 or 9. (Then a ton of tiny ones). I was really dissapointed because at CD 12 on my last medicated cycle I had a 21! It just doesnt make any sense to me, why am I going backwards? I love my RE and all but he is TERRIBLE at explaining what is going on. Anyway- the end result is that he's going to let me cook for a few more days. I'm doing three more days of 2amps of repronex and then go for an u/s on Monday. I'm supposed to take ovulation tests all weekend to watch for a natural surge. I dont think I'll get one because on my natural cycle I usually ovulate closer to CD 20. Anyway, this will mess up my idea of a 2ww ending on Christmas Eve...but if we go forward with the IUI on Monday or Tuesday it could be Christmas day.

I also am wary of the way IF has consumed my life and in a way everyone around me. I can go from pissed off to crying in about .6 seconds. And I'm so angry...and self centered and self involved, its just not me. I know everyone walks on eggshells around me. This week was my 3 year old newphew's pre school christmas program and I just could not go. So I made excuses and pretended to be too busy at work. That is so not me! When my 12 year old nephew started Kindergarten I was there to watch him get on the bus! Every year all of my girl friends that I went to high school/college with get together for a Christmas brunch. Its usually the only time I see most of them for the whole year but this year I swear to God I don't think I can go. One of my friends has a 2 month old, the other is pregnant with her second set of twins (which will be #4 and #5.) I will be the only one there without children and I'm just not sure I can do it. I know if I go I'll be expected to sit there and smile and be so happy for everyone and pretend the elephant is not in the room.

All I can hope for is that i get that BFP on Christmas and none of this will matter. I guess thats all any of us can do, hope and pray and trust that we will get through this!

[JennyCat]

Kim - sounds like you and I are in a similar boat in terms of "cooking". I like that term. I went to the doc 3 times this weeking hoping I'd be ready. I may do the IUI on Tuesday/Wednesday. I was so hoping to know something by Christmas. But maybe I'll know something by New Year's eve. That's our wedding anniversary. Could be a great way to bring in the New Year right?

I know what you mean about it being difficult to be around people with kids. All my cousins and sisters have 2, 3, and 4 kids each. Then they look at me and say "it's your turn next". (this little guy banging his head is my favorite icon) I'm happy for all of them but it does amplify what I don't have.