I am wondering if anyone has ever resorted to using donor sperm when their husband was diagnosed as infertile and the problem wasn't correctable. We are wrestling with this decision, and while my husband says that he is ok with it, I have to wonder if there are going to be any reprocussions after the fact as far as acceptance issues. Is there anyone out there who has used this means to achieve their family?

Hi Tomi,
My husband had major sperm issues. Our only option was donor sperm. Well he was very against the idea of someone else's sperm "swimming in me." I was all for having a donor, but felt like if it was a stranger I'd always wonder who it came from. And if it was a friend I'd always feel strange about it.

Anyway we ended up going the adoption route. And it turns out we've never even seen photos of one of our son's parents, so he's a bit of a mystery. But I love him just the same.

Back to the donor sperm I think I would always wonder about the donor since I would go through a whole pregnancy with another man's sperm.

Just my thoughts on it. Would also love to know anyone who has gone through this.


LeenaB

Our problem was more complicated than who was infertile, so this is not something we considered, so I don't have advice directly coming from experience.

Your post reminded me of another I saw months ago. In it, the situation was in reverse. The woman was the infertile one, the husband was not. They had used a surrogate and the surrogate's eggs for their adoption. Problem was the woman found she had intense jealousy problems because her husband was biologically related to their child, but she wasn't. And from the tone of her post, the issues had become MAJOR problems between her and the husband, and in bonding with her daughter.

The reason I bring this up is because donor sperm changes the infertility issue from "our" infertily problem to "his" infertility problem. This is something you want to discuss in depth with your husband. And even if he seems fine with it now, feeling can come up later unexpectedly later. By talking about them now the two of you will better be able to talk about it later if it does.

Personally I wanted a child related to both of us or neither. But that was just me personally.

There is a site called www.surromonsonline.com , there is several familys here that have used donor sperm there is also men on there looking to donate. You can see pics of them and learn about them before choosing.. Good luck and hope to see you there...

Leena B...

Just wondering how long it took once you applied for adoption. We have considerated this, but have had such negative input from people we have talked to about it concerning time frame, etc. I don't even know where to begin something like this? Any information you might have would be so helpful!

Tomi

Hello,
We are going through that dilemma right now. My husband is not producing sperm (0 count), so our options are sperm donor or adoption. We are choosing adoption. My dh says he's ok with the donor, but we feel that if the child can't be all ours, then it would be self-satisfying to adopt a child that needs a loving home. We first decided to adopt a domestic newborn and have been waiting for 6 months, but are changing to international through Russia. There are several reasons we decided to change to international. It will take about 6-12 months to complete. If you want to PM me, I can give you more details.
Good luck on your decision!

Hi Tomi,
We started the process Oct 1, 2003 and had a child placed with us Nov 18, 2003. We're adopting through the state. Our second child came home Jan 9, 2004.

I knew I always wanted to sos close in age. The boys are 3 and soon to be 4 yrs old.

In our state the child must live with you for 6 months before the adoption paperwork can be filed and then finalized. So we're in the paperwork process right now. We hope to have them both adopted by August or September. So for us it was a very fast process.

If you have any ?s you can PM me.

LeenaB

Just a story to help with your decision...
A close friend of mine has 3 beautiful children through donor sperm. All three children are from the same donor. I am very close to the family and I can tell you that those kids are THEIR kids and the donor is not even an issue. The kids look more like the dad than the mom and one even has the same health problems as the dad. They thought about adopting but because of a lack of funds and patience they decided to try donor sperm and see what happened. They believed that if it was meant to be it would happen. The first time it took 2 cycles, the second time it took one, and the third time it took 2. They really feel that this was a wonderful way to create a family and have never looked back. It isn't for everyone but it is a great option. CBCSE

Hi. My husband and I have also found out that he has no sperm 0 sperm count. We are lucky to have found a wonderful sperm donor. I had the same feelings you had about sombody elses sperm going up me. It took a lot of praying for me to come to a conclusion to use a sperm donor. I will be going for my first IUI in OCT. I can't wait. I would suggest to do what is best for you and your husband. In our case we know the sperm donor. I hope that this helps.
Robin

RobinH,

If you don't mind my asking, how did you go about finding a known donour? What kind of testing are you having done? We want to go this route but aren't sure how to get started.
Any advise would be appreciated.

DH had a good count, but his morphology was high and viability was low.
We did 6 months of 3 vials each (after over 2 years of trying with his).
We both have the same blood type and both have blue eyes, so we went with donors with those 2 criteria. We figured, as long as the baby had our same blood type (we also mixed DH's guys with the donor's), we wouldn't have to know for sure if we got lucky or if it was the donor's sperm that did the job...
Unfortunately, we never got lucky and the donor obviously wasn't Super Donor to break through whatever IF issues I had as well...
so, 3 years later, we're on the adoption road...
If your DH doesn't have sperm in his seman, have you had him tested to see if he produces any at all? There is an extraction prcedure where they can extract some from his sac...just a thought!

Kat

I was reading your post on the use of donor sperm. How did it work out? My dh and I are starting the process now. We have all of the necessary paperwork done, just need to find a donor. We are thinking of the CA Cryo Bank. What bank did you use? If it hasn't worked, I am very sorry.
Leslie

Hi Leslie and others
At first we looked at many sperm banks but then we decided to use a known donor who is my husbands brother.We had to do a lot of legal paper work at the cryobank. Then, my Obgyn recommended that we have four sessions of counsling to make sure that we really wanted to use a known donor. I have been trying with a donor for 5 months now and I hoping that this month took. I did look at many sperm banks on the web and I did like CA cryobank and Fairfaxcryobank. NW cyrobank in is good too and the vials are probably the cheepest I have seen. Are you doing IUI or IVF? Are you going to use a doctor or do it your self? IF you are going to use a doctor it really is a simple, painless procedure. You go in when you O and it is kinda like having a pap smear expect he or she will stick sperm inside you. The procedure will only take less then five minutes and then you are out the door. The hardest part is waiting the two weeks to see if you are preg. Good luck to you leslie and I hope that your journey to motherhood is not too long. Also, there is a support group at Surrgocy.com for women who are trying to concieve using a donor and it is done by e-mail so if you are interested please check it out because I know it can be isolating. If you ever just want to talk about it I would love to hear from you too. Please take care,
Robin

DH and I are going through Kaiser here in Oregon. I also looked at NW Cryo, we have an unusual situation. My husband and I are Hispanic, and are having a difficult time finding donors. CA Cryo has a few and Fairfax I think had four. I just feel if we are going to do this, the baby needs to be the same culture. We aren't even going to tell family, or friends. We don't want any preconceptions placed on us, or the baby. I have found many people have an ethical problem with it. I however feel God sends us blessings through many different vessels.
Thanks for all the answers.
Leslie

[BeautifulDay]

My husband and I just found out yesterday that he has zero sperm, and we are now thinking of the idea of using a sperm donor. We are LDS and I've heard the church frowns upon using a donor sperm, but we have been on an adoption list for over a year now and have not gotten chosen, and there's no way to do in vitro because he has no sperm to work with. We are thinking sperm donation may be the best way to start our family.

Has anyone used a sperm donor, and if so, are there bonding issues, how to tell the child when they're older, and/or family members opinions that are in the way?

Any experiences would be so greatly appreciated.

Thanks,
BeautifulDay