[Lauralillies529]

Hi everyone. Im looking for advice on how you all got past bad news and became hopeful again.

Found out last week DH sperm count is very low we're gearing up for a ton of tests and interventions to make a baby. My #1 emotion is anger. A lot of anger.

We tried to have sex this weekend and it wasnt working for me and Im really bothered by that. Its like all I can think about is WHY US!? And I feel like sex is pointless if we probably will never make a baby that way. And I know there's way more to sex than conception but I cant be logical with myself. I wish I could snap out of this.

Im sorry I know Im rambling. I feel like Im losing my mind here. How did you all get past bad news? Anyone else experienced anything like this? When does it start to get easier?

[lostandconfused]

It will get easier....and my Dh has a zero count so we know there is no way with out help but he keeps saying you know that only one has to make it there so lets keep trying(of course i know it is pointless but we went 2wks after the diagnosis with no sex so i am NOT telling him that!).....a low count is devestating but can be worked with, my cousin has PCOS and her husband has an "extremly" low count according to the dr, and they just concieved a baby on clomid only...so it can happen...just keep thinking it only takes one and he does have one there so keep trying OR remeber what it was like before you were trying to make a baby and see if you can get any of those feelings back....i will be thinking of you and your dh!

[30andstillwaiting]

My dh has retrograde ejaculate. That means instead ejaculating it re-routes to his bladder. For a good 2 months we went without sex. Neither one of us could make ourselves want it. But now it is better not like it was as newly weds but better. Here is what I do. I remember that it is all about being one. Loving him like no other and that if one little sperm possibly makes it then great but if not I am having a little fun. We want kids more than anything and I know that no matter how it happens he will be the best dad ever.
Don't let the emotions wear you thin but live in the moment and enjoy every little ounce of your DH. hope this helps!!!

[Lauralillies529]

Thank you lostandconfused and stillwaiting, so good to know that Im not going crazy and others have experiencd my same feelings. Thank you so much for responding. It is so nice to get heartfelt advice from women who know EXACTLY what Im going through.



What kind of treatments are you guys doing to make your babies. Sry I cant see ur signatures right now.

Any other advice for a newbie one week out from this bad news?

[HopefulinCO]

I understand how you feel. We don't have the male factor issue, but I didn't much feel like it while we were going through all the procedures (thinking there's no point since I can't seem to get pregnant anyway or why us?) Then was IVF and no sex for the first 4 weeks (for us), then some spotting, and no sex until 18 weeks (though with how tired and/or nauseous I was I wasn't feeling it anyway). While I haven't exactly been distraught over the no sex thing, I do miss the closeness, so I've *ahem* helped DH help himself. There may be other alternatives as well if you're just not feeling it - watching a "movie" together, massage, etc. Before we were forbidden and it was just a mood thing for me, I'd actually try to initiate it by asking DH several hours before hand if he'd like to. That gave me the chance to get prepared mentally and (TMI here) physically if I needed to. Finally, if there's something specifically that you really like, ask for it, like a special massage oil and massage or position you like or scenario. Even maybe going to a hotel for a night would put you in the mood. Hope this helps and good luck!

[AllDeliveriesNoBaby]

I think for me I didn't struggle too much with having sex after the diagnosis. Not to be too graphic here, but my husband and I were having sex way before we were considering children, and we did that because of the love and attraction we had to eachother. I guess for us it was easy to realize that our love making was about love, still being there for eachother, and the constant renewal of our wedding vows, not about having a baby or not. That probably doesn't help, but I don't think you are wierd for having the feelings that you have. This whole process is difficult and a major emotional rollercoaster. Good luck!!!

[lostandconfused]

DH and I are only about a month into to our Azoospermia diagnosis, so right now we are just getting ready(May 18th) to see the Reproductive UR, and our RE isn't starting anything with me yet as they feel i shouldnt go through the testing until we see if he has any sperm....so our journey is just beginning...but 2 years ago my husband(not married at the time) was held hostage by gun point and we had difficulty getting back into the swing of things after that also so i have more than one experience dealing with the sex issue....
I too have always wanted to be a mother....when i was little i always wanted six kids...then as i got older i decided four was a better option...never thought there might be a day when i would be trying to just get lucky enough to get one!

[Kris79]

I just wanted to post to let you know that you are not weird for feeling this way. My DH has azoospermia (no sperm). We didn't necessarily stop having sex, but we were definitely shell-shocked for about the first month or so. In some ways, the first 12 months of TTC were harder for us, because of timing sex, etc.

We decided we needed to find the silver lining in all of this...sex never has to be about making babies for us, it's about our closeness as two people in love with each other. And just think, every little baby we do end up having will be one that we wanted when we had it, not one that was a "Whoops"...and once our families are complete we can just do it whenever...in some ways IF is kind of liberating. I know, I know...right now this seems like kind of a hollow victory, any one of us would love to have a "Whoops" baby right now, and we'd all love to have babies the old-fashioned way, but this is my way of having one up on the fertiles Trust me, things will get better as you get further from your diagnosis...and just remember sex can be all about fun and loving on your DH now instead of about baby-making.

[Dreamer16]

Lauralillies,
The other ladies are absolutely right....do NOT feel bad about your emotions. I too have a husband with zero sperm and am feeling exactally the same as you. I am onlyabout a month into our struggle/diagnosis and am still asking myself everyday "why us?" I just want you to realize that you are not alone. The sex stuff will come in time I am sure of it. Just hang in there. We are all going through this together. You and your DH are in my prayers!

[Lauralillies529]

Thank you guys so much. Im feeling better knowing Im not going crazy. Ive felt like the worst wife in the world the past week. I feel like I should be supporting him but Im so emotional myself its been hard. Ive become really hopeful and really feel that by this time next year I will be pg or if were really lucky have a newborn.

Hopeful ~ Good idea about the hotel. We may try it.

Lostandconfused ~ Wow! You two have really been through the ringer. Good luck with ur upcoming appts.

Kris ~ I hope one day I can be as optomistic as you. Im such a pesismist. Character flaw I guess. I see ur in ur 2ww.

Dreamer ~ Good luck with ur upcoming appts too.