[Makuahine]

We got the results of my husbands SA today and the results, while not the worst case scenario, are still not great. Over the years, I have resolved myself to being the “factor” in our inability to get pregnant, so these results were a total surprise.

My husband is not a real sensitive guy, but based on the number of times he’s called me to day to ask me if the ladies on some of the other forums I post on had any advice, I’d say this is really bugging him.

What can I do to support him and to let him know that it’s ok? For us, having a biological child is not the be all end all, so if we find we can’t we’ll move on. He has indicated that he is at least relieved to have “an answer” and that knowing something is better than knowing nothing, but I wonder if he is saying that to put on a front.

I love him and I want him to know that its ok, so how can I do that?

Thanks in advance!
Maku

[bluefin]

well i am sos sorry to hear all this
but dont feel disheartened and tell your husband the same thing
where there is a will there is a way so keep on fighting
that will get you going

[Kokopelli]

Do you mind telling us what the numbers were. Maybe not so bad? I've heard some amazing stories about pregnancies with really low numbers.
Good luck,

[Makuahine]

Sure, I don't mind at all.

To be honest, I think that his numbers will improve with some help from the urologist. The WBC and RBC were indicitive of an infection, but we should know more on Friday.

Here are the numbers:

Volume 2.0 Ideal Range 1.0-5.0 (normal)
Viscosity says "Increased" (abnormal)
Motility 20% Ideal Range 60-90%
3 Hr. Motility 10% Ideal Range 60-90%
Count 3.20 Million Ideal Range 20.00-150.00 Million
Morphology 80% Normal Ideal Range 60-90% Normal
pH 9.0 Ideal Range 7.0-8.0
Bacteria Rare Ideal - Negative
WBC Many Ideal - Negative
RBC Few Ideal - Negative


So, two of the numbers were "normal" or within range - but the rest (in bold) were not good.

We have an RE appointment on Friday, thankfully.

[einstein]

I went through this a few years back. My DH is the cause of our IF. I know it must really hit a man hard to hear this type of news. It's like, if they can't get a woman pg, they aren't truly men or something. My suggestion is to simply tell your guy that you are there for him and this whole IF thing isn't about him and you, it's about "us." Tell him you are in this together. That should help him to not feel so alone or feel as though it's his fault.

My other suggestion? Give him lots of hugs and snuggle in bed a lot. We find that helps!

[designerbaby]

we have been reading "UNSUNG LULLABIES" written by Janet Jaffe, PHD. good book for couples to go thru for male factors.

[jf5505]

My DH has very low counts and mobility too, it was so upsetting when he found out, he said I am going to fight this, but each SA just kept going down, Your DH's PH is high, my Dh's was high too, so they put him on an antibiotic, then he did clomid, got a scan to see if anything was blocked, and nothing really helped, he felt like a failure and that I had to do IVF and it was all his fault, but I just had to reassure him that it was okay and it happens all the time and it wasn't anything he did wrong and it was what it was...now we are on to IVF and are hopeful that it will work...My DH has counts anywhere from a few hundred thousand to 8 million...it just varies, but seems to be going down, I say b/c of the stress of all this...I wish you luck, and let me know how things go with the Urologist.

[rexie]

My DH also has a lower count with very low motility. He's never really seemed bothered by it, at least not in an emasculating sense. He's more bothered that he can't give me "what I want more than anything in the world".

I don't have any answer that hasn't been said above, but one thing I would be careful of is saying "you" when speaking of infertility. We can't conceive rather than you can't get me pregnant, but I think that's probably obvious.

[kumar]

Hello Rexe,

its nice to know that you feel for your patner and am trying to support him. You need to be in his face as much as you can, assuring him that YOU are ok. His biggest hurt is not to make You a mum, and that desire burns him alive. He sees it as a failure, inability to start a family, His hidden feelings are there and only your interaction and support will create emotional stability for him.

i am\was married 7 years but marriage broke down due to me being infertile (no sperm-no options and my wife not being able to except or understand what had happened.
We had other issues but all of them ended up with a issue of not having kids.

she dissassociated her self from reality and focused on her hurt. just hers, not realising that i was freaked out, and unable to function or underdstand the condition, i attended the hospital appointments alone and afraid and would come out as if i was in another reality, a dream. Both sides Hurt, but unfortunately only one side is normally the cause and that person carries a guilt that is so unfair that only love can sooth it given the chance.

Regards

Kumar
me36, DW30