[jf5505]

So this morning me and Dh were in the kitchen trying to get off to work, he said something like you should stop taking all your Meds. I was like, I don't really take that many anymore. Then I was like, I think I am fine, I don't think I have PCOS, I don't think I have anything wrong with me...he said, well do you think its me? I was like, Yeah I do..he was like, well I don't think anything is wrong with me...he thinks its me. He is the one with the 1 million sperm count with low motility, and he is kind of thinking that this isn't working b/c of me being stressed out or worried...I was like stressed out women get prego all the time...

It just annoyed me that he really is blaming me, when we are really doing all of this b/c of him...

I emailed him and said that we can't blame each other for this, b/c who knows why this isn't working.

Sorry to vent, and really I am not even mad at him..but I feel like I am doing every test in the book and trying to read about Eastern medicine and do yoga and eat better. And he isn't doing any of that. It just frustrates me sometimes b/c I think our main problem is his low counts and he doesn't want to change his life to correct it in anyway..

Ok I am done...thanks for listening...

[Rob&Irina]

sounds to my like he is stressed out too... maybe do something special for him tonight... turn the negative energy into something positive.. just my 2 cents...

[jf5505]

I know he is, his friend who has 3 kids already and is divorced, has a heart condition, and is an alcoholic, just got his girlfriend prego...so he was so upset last night, thinking what is wrong with us...why isnt' this working..I need to be supportive, but I need his support too..its just so frustrating...I just want to SCREAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[94VALENTINEWANTSBLNG]

I agree with Robin. Try to turn the negative energy around, I know it will be hard. I hope you guys can comfort each other, it's tough for the both of you really, even though some men try to be modest or even macho about it, when really it is eating them up on the inside.

[KarryB]

I say go ahead and scream (maybe not at work..possibly in the car?). To get through this journey in one piece, you both need to be supported. I hope things get better...for both of yall.

[jenedens6102]

Jackie, I know this situation all too well. We started with a SA before anything else and it was enough to send us straight to the RE looking for treatment because of his low count and morphology alone. He still had the nerve to say it had to be me too, it only takes one sperm after all so it had to be my fault too somehow. Well after watching me go through the HSG, watching me take all the extra meds for all our cycles and now after our karyotype testing he is just now saying maybe it really was him after all. He still feels that because our embryos grew so slowly and arrested early that there has to be some blame on my side but since no one has been able to prove anything wrong on my end he's dropped it. I told him the same thing, we can't blame each other or try to pin the guilt on the other person. I've told him on multiple occassions I didn't marry him for his sperm so that isn't a deciding factor in our relationship past, present or future.

[jf5505]

I agree...I think I need the RE to say, hey buddy, you need to make some changes b/c you can maybe increase your count...or, b/c this isn't working could be sperm related, my DH thinks that once he did the job of giving his sample and they fertilized that the rest is on me..Men..

[KuddleyGal]

I agree with the gals, have a stress free night and you to endulge yourselves in each other.

[TGB]

It is so normal to want to scream at or kill your spouse!! In fact, I think it goes both ways -- I know my DH has had his fill of me too.

Do what you need to do to feel better. If it means screaming -- scream. If it means crying -- cry.

[timeistickin]

I laugh because I jokingly tell my girlfirends to never try and understand men. But he does sound like he's stressed out over it and is in denial. It's a hard situation to face. Just remember that when it comes down to it he doesn't really mean what he is saying. It's just coming out from frustration. I hope everything works out for you two!

[Shells]

It's really hard because there is such a fine line between "finding a cause for our infertility" and "blaming someone for our infertility". The last three visits to the RE were so painful to watch my DH when she read the SA results. In my career and life, I am in management- so driven to find problems and fix them. This makes you feel so helpless, so not in control, it just makes you sad and frustrated!

We have one more SA before moving onto IVF at the beginning of November, so we decided to not worry about TTC for the next month... (just one). I must admit, relaxing about it and BD'ing because we wanted to, not because timing is perfect, was more relaxing and brought us a lot closer.

Find a way to channel the negative into something relaxing for you two... IF is a two-person problem, not one or the other.

Good luck, and to you!
-s

[CryingInside]

I can see the situation from both sides here. In our situation I am the one with the problem and it is really difficult because dh had been blaming me. He is coming to grips with the idea that it is not my fault, just something wrong with my body. I think that the blame game can't work for anyone no matter what the situation. I hope you can both work it out.