[bostonyankee]

Originally Posted by md08

I wanted to say that my husband felt theexact same way. We learned in january that he had very low count and 99% were no good.
He did tell me to leave him as he just felt terrible. I mentioned donor sperm but he felt like you did. I will say that I actually dint feel bad for myself at all. My heart ached for what he was going through. I felt bad for HIM. A woman who loves her husband is not ashamed or angry with this. Would you be upset if it were her? Doubtful
Im VERY sorry to hear about your last wife. Just remember that being a dad doesnt always mean you had to "make" the embryo. You just have to LOVE it
We are going to try IVF and even if you produce 0 sperm, I have heard they can still surgically retrieve some from you!!

Thanks - I can certainly tell you, DH does not want you to leave, it is part of what all of us guys go through who are travelling this path. We are taught to be the providers, protectors, etc, and when we cannot do those things, even worse when we are the cause of unhappiness, it is just almost too big a cross to bear.
And thanks for empathizing about my first go-round. At teh end of the day, it was the best thing that could have ever happenned to me, as I am now married to the person I was meant to be with. The scarring from some of the things that went on, though, are not always easy to brush under the rug and, obviously, they do play a small part in my dilemma here.
As for the surgery, that may be an option assuming my work-ups come back with good results. I will keep my fingers crossed for you if you do the same?

[jivey]

Hi all, I am new to this forum and found this forum on google. Been reading this thread and found some great information to bring to my Doctors.
I am 42 m and been struggling with hypogonadism and infertility for 6 yrs now. I have been taking Testosterone replacement since i was 20 yrs old. I have a blood disorder called Hemacromotosis ( Iron Overload) and have complete Pituitary failure.
Me and my DW seen a specialist at BU in Boston a few yrs back. My sperm count was zero and was put on Noverel 200 ml every other day for 6 months with no results. Next step was a Biopsy on testes for sperm.
Then my wife had a severe case of endometreosis and lost her right ovary.
Now we are ready to start again. We are going to the Worcester fertility clinic. We are praying for good results. but, now i am having delayed ejaculation problems that just started last week. not sure what the cause of it.
I have stopped my Androgel treatment to be a head of the game when i see the Dr. But, Will need a replacement that will not interfer with sperm production and be able to keep up with the demand for sex from my DW.
I was wondering if any males where getting treatment for inferitilty and hypogonadism.

[AzooDude]

Originally Posted by bostonyankee

The scarring from some of the things that went on, though, are not always easy to brush under the rug and, obviously, they do play a small part in my dilemma here.

I say this with sympathy and respect, bos, but from all you've said and described, I think those emotional scars play a large part - perhaps even the main part - of your dilemma with DS, and if you're trying to cope by finding a way to brush them under the rug, I think you're in trouble. You describe your experience - and I wouldn't dispute it - as "emotional rape". Emotional rugs don't come in that size. The role that trauma is playing in your thought process about DS is just one way for it to manifest, and I think no matter what you end up deciding on DS, that trauma will come back to bite you in the a** and poison your marriage if you don't find a way to deal with it. And by "deal with it", I don't mean, "Suck it up and move on" in that macho-men-don't-feel-hurt kind of way. Maybe you can deal with it on your own or with your wife, but there's no shame in needing some help. I see the rage you express, along with how much you respect and trust your wife, and it looks like an emotional disconnect to me. I don't mean I think you're lying, just that I think you've got blinders on about how some of your issues are related to other issues.

Jivey - Welcome to the forum. I found out I was azoospermic several years ago (during first marriage), but didn't seek treatment until a couple years ago with my current wife (a.k.a. "Kathelen" on these forums). I haven't needed supplemental testosterone, though I'm told it's almost certain I will eventually. I didn't really have much "treatment" besides a fertility supplement (MFS) for about six weeks prior to doing micro-TESE, in which I beat the 30% odds my doctor gave me and sperm was found. (I have 8-week old twin daughters now.) There's a couple of pretty busy azoospermia threads you might find helpful, as chances are someone (or more likely, their husband) has more in common with you as far as their type of infertility and what they did or are doing about it. You could also try starting a new thread, but sometimes it's easier to join a busy one than to get a new one going. Good luck!

[joseya]

Hi. Don't feel less than a man!!!! Just get some testing done and then see how it ends up.

We also have MF infertility. We did a TESE/ICSI a few years ago and have a baby boy from it.

We just recently did another one however we found no sperm this time. I got two good looking embryos transferred with donor sperm a few days ago. And it is a secret that we will take to our grave. my hubbie is so very excited and wants another kid regardless. But we have had time to think about it!

So get your testing done and then consider the options. And if it comes down to it - use donor sperm. You will love the child the same and your wife will feel pregnant!

Good luck!

[NocturneSiren]

You've gotten some great feedback here, bos, but I wanted to say that I've read this whole thread and plan to follow your story (if you add any more). DH and I are likely headed for a dx of Klinefelter's Syndrome, although he does produce sperm (just very, very few). He's having a difficult time wrapping his mind around the idea of DS as well. In fact, initially, it was positioned to me as adoption or childless. While I was understanding (the idea of DS skeeves me a bit as well), it still hurt to hear him position as an "all or nothing" proposition.

We talked at length about it, and I am not sure why the stigma is so strong against DS, but not against step-families. Your wife loves your daughter as her own, no? People do it all the time, when they have the choice. When they are given no choice, it seems the impulse is to refuse/reject. There are some positives, especially if you go the anonymous route, i.e. no "baby daddy" drama or emotional baggage of that variety. I know you've read stories about them finding each other somehow and being forced to accept a new member as "extended family." These are few and far between, as far as I can tell, especially if the policies on anonymity are stringent in the cryobank.

I wish you the best of luck, no matter what happens.

[jivey]

Originally Posted by NocturneSiren

Y He's having a difficult time wrapping his mind around the idea of DS as well. In fact, initially, it was positioned to me as adoption or childless. While I was understanding (the idea of DS skeeves me a bit as well), it still hurt to hear him position as an "all or nothing" proposition.

Hello, I can relate to what your Husband is feeling. DS is out of the question for me. My wife already has a child from her first marriage.
I am sure i would still love a child of DS. But, I already have a step child.

[colsxjack]

Originally Posted by NocturneSiren

He's having a difficult time wrapping his mind around the idea of DS as well. In fact, initially, it was positioned to me as adoption or childless. While I was understanding (the idea of DS skeeves me a bit as well), it still hurt to hear him position as an "all or nothing" proposition.

First off, let me say that I eel for you and your DH, and for all the men and women on this board and thread going through infertility issues. My wife and I have been also, and now we are a couple of weeks away from the birth of our first child using DS and IVF.

With that said, I do not at all understand the concept of adoption being OK but DS being out of the question. Either way the DH has no genetic link to the child. The only difference is that they are refusing their DW of having a genetic link or the experience of carrying a child.

In my opinion, there are far greater risks of adopting. Although I am all for adoption and we plan to adopt at some point also. But with adoption there are more risks of the child having physical and/or emotional issues. You have zero control over the care the child receives inutero, and there is a MUCH higher risk of the birth parent(s) contacting the child at some point and wanting to have a relationship. (although still a very small risk, but that is for the people who fear that risk with DS).

Sure, I was upset that I couldn't just get my wife pregnant. And sure I am a bit fearful that my child will resemble a stranger and not my wife and very much most likly not myself. But I could not be happier with the decision that we made to use DS and have my wife get pregnant and carry our child. I have bonded with our child already and it isn't weven born yet! I will be on the child's birth registration as the father. I will still have all the rights to the child that I would have had if it was created with my genetics.

So basically, if you are unable to use your genetics to create a child there are options out there. But the only option that will allow the DW to have a genetic link is through DS. Why deny this for your DW? Why give her a option of nobody having a genetic link if she wants a child. I can only see this as an option that is put out to make the DW hurt as much as the DH. I dont think its necessary. But again, all that is only my opinion.

All the best to everyone on their journey to becoming parents.

[NocturneSiren]

Originally Posted by jivey

Hello, I can relate to what your Husband is feeling. DS is out of the question for me. My wife already has a child from her first marriage.
I am sure i would still love a child of DS. But, I already have a step child.

I'm not fighting him or getting angry at all, but I have been asking him to talk to me. He said that he ends up loving our conversations (even the teary-eyed ones), but hates the idea of them before they happen. The nature of this tragedy is so much bigger than either one of us, and I don't think there is a right way. That being said, I haven't decided if even I'm okay with DS, but I want to have the option and make the choice together. We even discussed the virtues of living childless. My thoughts typed here are scattered, but the point is that I'm trying to give him a wide berth to handle this his own way, in his own time. I'm just praying that he doesn't totally shut down on me.

I have been spending hours upon hours researching fertility clinic websites, scientific experiments and their results, and of course, success stories. He isn't the type to search for the information himself, but he smiles whenever I bring him hope. At the moment, we're considering IVF w/ TESE if it means he can father his own children... The way we see it, if people can justify going into debt over new luxury cars, a child would be so much more worth it.

[NocturneSiren]

Originally Posted by colsxjack

First off, let me say that I eel for you and your DH, and for all the men and women on this board and thread going through infertility issues. My wife and I have been also, and now we are a couple of weeks away from the birth of our first child using DS and IVF.

With that said, I do not at all understand the concept of adoption being OK but DS being out of the question. Either way the DH has no genetic link to the child. The only difference is that they are refusing their DW of having a genetic link or the experience of carrying a child.

In my opinion, there are far greater risks of adopting. Although I am all for adoption and we plan to adopt at some point also. But with adoption there are more risks of the child having physical and/or emotional issues. You have zero control over the care the child receives inutero, and there is a MUCH higher risk of the birth parent(s) contacting the child at some point and wanting to have a relationship. (although still a very small risk, but that is for the people who fear that risk with DS).

Sure, I was upset that I couldn't just get my wife pregnant. And sure I am a bit fearful that my child will resemble a stranger and not my wife and very much most likly not myself. But I could not be happier with the decision that we made to use DS and have my wife get pregnant and carry our child. I have bonded with our child already and it isn't weven born yet! I will be on the child's birth registration as the father. I will still have all the rights to the child that I would have had if it was created with my genetics.

So basically, if you are unable to use your genetics to create a child there are options out there. But the only option that will allow the DW to have a genetic link is through DS. Why deny this for your DW? Why give her a option of nobody having a genetic link if she wants a child. I can only see this as an option that is put out to make the DW hurt as much as the DH. I dont think its necessary. But again, all that is only my opinion.

All the best to everyone on their journey to becoming parents.

First, congratulations on your upcoming arrival! I can only imagine how excited you two are.

As for your post, you are spot-on to all of it. All of it. DH comes from a family of 7, has pressure from his dad to "carry on the family name", and was hoping for a larger family as well. (Largely out of respect for him, we have chosen not to tell anyone about our struggle/loss/situation.) He has run the gambit of emotions, and some of those are going to be selfish ones. Since we haven't even seen the RE yet, we don't know that DS is our only option or whether IVF w/ mTESE is available to us. Thus, we haven't come down to the wire, so to speak.

I can only hope that if DS does get ruled out, it is a choice we make together. That's all I'm asking for now.

[bostonyankee]

Thanks. I will definitely keep everybody posted. And, I truly do appreciate each and every reply - fomrthe ones that agree with me, and alos the ones that do not. That's the only way, I think, to get educated about this issue. Each and every one of you who've replied have added something, and I have taken at least a little bit of everybody's replies to heart.

Next week is my ibg day - to go over my blood workups, microdeletions, and all the other alphabet-soup test LOL. It is then that I will find out if my body still does, or ever did, make sperm. I would ask any of you that are religious to keep my family in your prayers, even if jsut a little bit

You are all heroes in my book.

[NocturneSiren]

Originally Posted by bostonyankee

Thanks. I will definitely keep everybody posted. And, I truly do appreciate each and every reply - fomrthe ones that agree with me, and alos the ones that do not. That's the only way, I think, to get educated about this issue. Each and every one of you who've replied have added something, and I have taken at least a little bit of everybody's replies to heart.

Next week is my ibg day - to go over my blood workups, microdeletions, and all the other alphabet-soup test LOL. It is then that I will find out if my body still does, or ever did, make sperm. I would ask any of you that are religious to keep my family in your prayers, even if jsut a little bit

You are all heroes in my book.

You have a whole slew of people rooting you on, Bos! I have definitely kept your family in my thoughts and prayers.

[bostonyankee]

Thanks! Here I am, one day away from finding out. Tonight my wife and I are going out to dinner, I will have a few glasses of wine and a good steak, and kind of collect myself for the oncoming news.

I am determined to handle myself with dignity, poise, and class while praying for the best results.

[littleblue]

the suspense!
i'm waiting and for good news

[bostonyankee]

Thanks! Well, here's what we found out on Tuesday:

As I mentioned this guy wanted to run a betery of blood tests to see what the story is genetically, and then run from there.

Well, the blood tests did not show any genetic abnormality, and the testosterone levels are prefectly normal. Which to him means that sperm production efinitely happenend at some point in the past, and possibly is now. He could not totally rule out some genetic mishap, however none of the markers for that showed up. So, the next step is for me to undergo a minor surgery where they take a piece off, basically ,and hunt for sperm in there.

I took the news as good, since I highly doubt the guy is going to want to cut me open if he doesn't think there's at least a good chace of getting out some swimmers.

[nrudolph0578]

Yes, that is called a testicular sperm biopsy. They do that to ensure they find sperm so when you actually go through the ivf, you do not go through all the work and drugs etc with your wife and then in the TESE procedure they find nothing. They want to ensure there is something there. Trust me it doesn't hurt, my husband was at the gym the next day!