[Birj77]

Hi,

I'm a 33 year old male, married for 6 plus years. Due to career choices my wife and I have not tried to conceive until last year.

I'm not sure what happened but I just lost my sex drive for months. It's like the harder I try, the harder it is for me to "do it". My poor wife is caught in a storm of confusion. She does not want to believe that I'm not trying but she cannot understand why I can't do it.

As for me, I just cannot explain it either. Yes, I've been working hard and yes things are super stressful at work. But that never stopped me from having sex before.

I'm sure this is not an unique situation. But the problem is - I have no idea what to do next.

What type of Doctor do I go see? How do I know which Doctors are good? I'm in Atlanta, GA, BTW.

Can anyone help?

[hopeless?]

My husband always had problems preforming on demand too, your are not alone! I am sure you will get answers to all your questions here!

[babycowlover]

I would think that a fertility specialist would be able to help you just as they help women. First though, i would go to my regular family doctor. You may want to up the excitement part of it and try something different like doing it where you could get caught or in the car. Sounds silly but sex is all about excitement. Hopefully what you are going through is not a physical thing and you are just in a slump. Good Luck to you.

[nrudolph0578]

You most likely have low testoterone. I would definitely get it checked out, as the testoterone hormone is the main hormone which produces libido and sex drive.

[jesspr79]

You could try going to see a urologist. I know there's a practice in my area that advertizes on TV that it handles that kind of issue.

[DRB]

Urologist for sure. If you go to Internal Medicine, thats where they will refer you. Guys have hormones too and yours could be out of whack. It is very common.

Good Luck

[Lauralillies529]

TTC has not been romantic or spontanous or exciting for eather of us. Having timed sex, and performing on cetain days is hard for everyone. Its stressful, this is no fun. I agree with others, see a urologist, your hormones may be out of wack.

[Jakecwu]

As the only (I think) guy to reply, let me start by saying relax!! I went through the exact same thing a few years ago. Yes, your hormone's could be "out of whack". Yes, you could have low testosterone. But, you could also be over-stressed. Or over-tired. Or not in "the zone". Contrary to popular belief, men are not machines of reproduction. We have our moments, or hours, or weeks, or years, where we're just not that into it. It doesn't mean there's something wrong with you, necessarily, just that it ain't your time. This guys first guess? Your trying too hard to conceive, your working too hard, your not sleeping enough, and your spending all of your waking hours worrying about why you "can't get your wife pregnant". This of course, adds stress, which makes your low libido worse, which makes you stress about your low libido, and so on and so on. So.....Step 1: Relax! Step 2: Make an appointment directly with a well referred local urologist, they're the "boy parts" experts and will be able to determine if there's anything medical going on. If you're Insurance provider won't let you make a direct appointment, ask your GP for a referral. Step 3: Relax! Step 4: Stop thinking about baby making for a while and just have good ol' fashion married folk sex. Remind yourself why you were into your wife in the first place. Good luck!

G-

[jc7721]

Another guy perspective here: been TTC for ~6months now (unfortunately found out I have a low sperm count!) and I completely sympathize with you. Conventional wisdom says that we should get it up on demand and just thrust away until, blammo!, baby time! right? wrong. during those fertile days of a woman's cycle, sex can be very technical, i.e. 'we're going to have sex on days x, y, and z, at this time, etc. Talk about romantic! When you're not TTC, sex for a guy (even married guys!) can be a pursuit: trying to get as much as possible. Well, when you finally get as much as possible (i.e. TTC) sex can lose some of it's steam.

Remember, sex is always a team effort. During those TTC days, make it a game--send dirty texts, emails, etc. Make the anticipation unbearable, day after day. Dress nice, ask her to wear lingerie, get creative!

[arbuckle17]

You might just be freaking yourself out.

Take a few days, don't think about, go fishing, and relax. Once you have cleared your head, if you still have probs call a doc.

Originally Posted by Birj77

Hi,

I'm a 33 year old male, married for 6 plus years. Due to career choices my wife and I have not tried to conceive until last year.

I'm not sure what happened but I just lost my sex drive for months. It's like the harder I try, the harder it is for me to "do it". My poor wife is caught in a storm of confusion. She does not want to believe that I'm not trying but she cannot understand why I can't do it.

As for me, I just cannot explain it either. Yes, I've been working hard and yes things are super stressful at work. But that never stopped me from having sex before.

I'm sure this is not an unique situation. But the problem is - I have no idea what to do next.

What type of Doctor do I go see? How do I know which Doctors are good? I'm in Atlanta, GA, BTW.

Can anyone help?

[SFBaygirl]

I have to agree with checking Testosterone levels. Low T levels can greatly decrease libido.

I also agree with the fellas here that TTC sex is very non-romantic most of the time. Trying to spice it up in between ovulation kits is a great idea. Or maybe not obsessing so much and just having some fun on the days that are the most likely.

[havanajims]

Hey there,
Im in Atlanta and we go to Georgia Reproductive Specialists. I got pregnant with my first try with IVF, and I am currently pregnant with the 2nd. You can send me a personal message anytime if you have any questions. You may want to go to your primary doctor first and get a referrral as to what to do next. Im not sure that you need to see an infertility specialist just yet. (lets hope!)A change of scenery may help and the pressure of things may be getting to you.

Good luck and let me know if you need any other Atlanta specific help! Good Luck!