[Braves1434]

Back in February, my husband and I has a miscarriage at 12 weeks. Once we got the green light to start trying again, we have had nothing but trouble. Throughout the month when it is not my ovulation time, we can have sex fine. But when it becomes certain days of the month, he gets so anxious, he cant get it up. I know this is all in his head and when it happens once, it happens every time. I know he is frustrated at himself and that just makes it worse. But I am getting to the point that I am frustrated too. I tried telling him we should just stop trying, but that didnt work. I just dont know what to do. I am starting to resent him and blame him that we are not pregnant. We are going on two years of trying now and I am I having a hard time just giving up. I want to say I give up, lets really just quit trying, but I just cant. Can anyone help?

[imama]

Hi, We have a similar issue as you but not the same. DH has trouble getting it up due to other non infertility related conditions and with the stress of TTC, it makes me get a little resentful of how it impacts us. A few tips:
1. Have a conversation with him outside of the bedroom when you're not fertile or hormonal to find out if he does want to have a baby. If he does, then just have a conversation with yourself whenever you try to babydance that he wants a baby as much as you and he can't help it that he has a physical condition that's preventing him. When I took clomid, it messed me up and I got a tiny taste of what a man feels like when he can't perform - except that when a man can't perform - you both know it and it prevents conception.
2. Let him know you love him and want him and enjoy him. Oral s*x is very helpful with this.
3. "Adult" movies help when bedroom pressure gets too high. I got that tip from an infertility book and it works.

Good luck to you, maybe we can continue to trade tips on dealing with this sensitive subject.

ps Just a thought that your DH might have unresolved emotional issues related to your miscarriage that may be affecting him, in which case, you'll need to reassure him in some other ways.

HTH!

[arbuckle17]

Stop telling him when you take the predicter tests. Just let it be another night. He may try to keep counts for a bit but he will probably loose track and you should tell him to let it go.

Pick random us days and just make sure those few days are in those us days.

Originally Posted by Braves1434

Back in February, my husband and I has a miscarriage at 12 weeks. Once we got the green light to start trying again, we have had nothing but trouble. Throughout the month when it is not my ovulation time, we can have sex fine. But when it becomes certain days of the month, he gets so anxious, he cant get it up. I know this is all in his head and when it happens once, it happens every time. I know he is frustrated at himself and that just makes it worse. But I am getting to the point that I am frustrated too. I tried telling him we should just stop trying, but that didnt work. I just dont know what to do. I am starting to resent him and blame him that we are not pregnant. We are going on two years of trying now and I am I having a hard time just giving up. I want to say I give up, lets really just quit trying, but I just cant. Can anyone help?

[momearth]

Stop telling him that you are ovulating that day...confuse him about your ovulation date...this might work. Let him think you will ovulate after a week or 10 days....he will be relaxed :-)

arbuckle17 : just read your post- we think alike :-) But i guess this is the best thing to do...men are not able to keep track of it... and even if they do it is very easy to confuse them.

[Ryles]

I can relate. This month we had to have sex once a day for 3 days. The first night was fine but day 2 and 3 were awful. I think it is because I am giving him to much information. I think the pressure is just two much. The second night I ended up giving up and just telling him we would try in the morning and that worked. In my mind it was not the perfect timing but I just have to put that in God's hands. It is so frustrating though. For him and for you. I just wanted to shake him and say do you know how much time, energy, emotion, physical pain and work I have put into this!! This is ALL I am asking of you!!! But I had to take a step back and realize that he was trying and that our love is more important than anything.

[arbuckle17]

haha I speak from experience. I would keep counts well for about a month then I would end up just watching for the tests sitting on the counter.

Just too many other things going on to keep track of it I suppose.

Its tough on him too Ry I hated going to every one of the IUI deals. There was also something where they did some kind of dye thing with an ultrasound on my dw to ensure nothing was clogged. She was a real trooper but it was very painful. It sucks because I can see her in pain and all I can do is hold her hand.