[flashgal24]

Ok, ladies, so my m-i-l came to visit, again, as she always does. and once AGAIN... she likes to baby my dh, which is understandable, b/c he's her baby. but every day i come home and my house is spotless, and the 8 months worth of laundry that i never get around to are all washed and put away. and for dinner we have an 18 course meal every night... and she sweeps mops and vacuums DAILY... I know I should be grateful, but it's beyond helpful, it's annoying and insulting.

and yesterday DH had the day off of work cuz he got called in to work at 1am... and he still doesn't like to sleep past 9am, EVER, and even he was wondering why no one ever woke him up ( i was at work)... MIL says, he needed his rest. She let him sleep until 1:30pm!!! He's 32, not 15. DH was quite annoyed. And should I mention DH's lil brother is 30 and still lives at home, and sleeps till 1pm daily, and has no job, and plays video games all day. And MIL basically encourages it? Oh, and lil brother has a college degree!!!! and student loans... and mooches off of my MIL still, and she thinks that's ok, b/c its her baby... WHO IS 30!

Anyways, the brother thing is a whole nother story, but here's my deal, right.... I don't mind her "helping" me around the house... but her intentions seem more like she's trying to out-do me.... She makes like some big huge dinner that took her four hours, and when I'm like (trying to be nice) "wow, everything looks so good", she's like "it's the easiest thing in the world to make". Yeah she made the bread from scratch for dinner... I do pillsbury rolls.

Well, I come from a short line of women that don't cook, basically just me and my mother. Because my mom's parents died when my mom was a very little girl, so she had no one to teach her. Hence, I had no one to teach me. Granted, I still try my best to be a good little housewife for my DH, but whenever MIL comes to visit, she constantly tries to show me up. She even makes my bed every morning. WTH? I've tried to be nice and explain that she doesn't have to do anything when she's here visitng, and her response is that "she wants to"... yeah, i got that, but it makes me feel inferior. and my DH always spends the next few weeks asking me why I don't do stuff around the house like his mom does. But he undterstand why.,..Uhm, maybe because I'm in school 15 hours every semester, and I work 45 hours a week. Maybe because I never had anyone to teach me how to be Betty Crocker.

The thing is, I've asked her nicely,and she still does it. I've gotten a little short with her, and she still does it. I've even flat out said "I don't want you to do anything to help out when you are at my house"...

We used to have a really good mil.dil relationship, but she ruining it, and I can't get her to stop. I don't want her to lift a **** finger when she's at my house. If I need her **** help I'll ask for it. I just want her to stop making me look like I don't take care of my DH, cuz I do. Anyways, what do I do, cuz I'm at my wit's end with her... I've tried telling her nicely that I can do all of that stuff, but she knows I can't cook at all... and besides, she's a guest when she comes here....


and now, to make matters worse, she's looking at jobs and houses in the town where we live. I flat out told her "if you move here, you will not come to my house and do my jobs for me."

Even my DH is scared of her moving here, b/c we will be the ONLY 2 people she knows in the entire state. (she's from the other side of the country)... yikes.


so what do I do? Please someone help!!!!

[hopeless?]

Don't take what I have to say the wrong way...it's just one way of looking at it.

You say your not the cooking type, you go to school and you work full time, that's who you are! You have a lot on your plate. Maybe this is just how your mil is, maybe she recognizes all YOU do! Deep down some people just like to feel like they are needed and are helping out. Honestly, I would enjoy the help and instead of being short with her say thank you for finishing the 8 months worth of wash she did and the 76 course meals she cooks. Because when she leaves it's all up to you to get those things done again. Enjoy the break! If she wants to try to "out do" you then let her...but at least get something out of it for yourself, like not having to worry about cleaning, cooking or doing laundry while she's there. And if your husband wants to know why you don't do things llike her simply tell him he didn't marry his mother! Good luck! And keep in mind you could have a mil like mine that sit's around smoking outside her whole visit, and then I get to clean up after her

[flashgal24]

Thanks, and, no I didn't take it the wrong way. And I am grateful. but there's a point where its just too much, especially towards the end of her visit. It just annoys me more and more every time she comes to visit.... I know you're right, but it's so hard to have someone come into your house and make you look like crap. The hardest part is she does it on purpose, because she knows how I feel about it, and she knows I'm very sensitive about how I can't cook, and she insists on making me feel like I'm not good enough because of it. but... You're right, and thanks for the words of encouragement.... I just wish she understood.