[tulip23]

Last night I was talking to an age old friend of mine who had come to US for some work.My DH was sitting beside me and probably catching bits and pieces of my conversation.Today morning we were in the middle of some discussion when he mentioned that these days there is a lot of negativity in what I speak.He gave me instances of my conversation last night and it really did strike me that he is right.I never sound very enthusiastic but its not that I am unhappy all the time.when people ask me howz life,my usual answer these days is "nothing interesting,same old and boring life" though if I look around not everyone is on a vacation every day but they dont sound the way I do.On retrospect,I've realised that I have negative comments for everything in my life but I swear that I dont feel that pessismistic.There was a time I was called an eternal optimist..whats going on with me...is IF consuming me or I am going insane...I just dont know.Am I just writing nice little posts about hope and faith in the forum and not actually meaning it or its something else.....My DH's comment really has got me thinking.

[jnem]

Tulip,

I've always found comfort in your posts. I can't speak for you but personally speaking I do agree that IF is totally got me down and cycle after cycle I get more beaten and I feel lately I am beyond the point of feeling enthused during 2ww. I just am becoming tough skinned to the point of leather. I don't like it at all, I am becoming numb and I want to feel like life is bright and cheery as it used to feel when I had a wide eyed dream of BFP with every 2ww and then AF always came I felt sick of feeling like a fool with a waste basket full of HPTs. So now although I feel less foolish I do feel like I am in a dark and gloomy place right now too.

Jen

[JenD]

I agree with Jen. Your posts are always very supportive.

It is tough to stay positive during this rough time. I try to look forward to other things in my life to keep me going. It is not always the easiest. This frigid weather in my area doesn't help either!

[keeppraying]

Some people might not like my response. But I too felt very depressed during the whole IF process. I eventually asked my family dr to put me on depression med- Zoloft. I can tell you it helped me deal with everything a lot better! I am not saying that meds is the answer to everything, but I started taking it prior to my IVF treatment and I felt much better about the whole process and I didn't stress/worry as much. My family Dr. said that it was amazing to her how many woman go though the stress of IF and deal with the emotional impact on their own. In fact, when I went in for my ER, the anatheslogist (sp) said that pretty much every woman that we sees is on some kind of depression medication.

Sorry, for the rambling post- but I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone,

[jnem]

I know what you mean that it's hard to stay positive during this time in our lives but what about when it is not just a part of life, I am at the point that it has consumed nearly a decade! That is almost my entire 30's! I feel like when is this enough? When do I feel like in am not "without"? When should I except the IF and move on? Will I spend another decade crying on the toilet with every AF? What about when it's not a phase or a part of life anymore it has become there entire adulthood. I am sorry I am tired. Tulip maybe your DH would not think you where so negative if he compared your words to mine! LOL! Sorry I don't know what's with me lately. I am just approaching my cut age that I set a lifetime ago and I'd never reach and would be BFP for sure by then but now it's only 2 cycles away!!! I am freaking!

Jen

[sarah16]

Oh Tulip you are always so helpful here! I totally understand that there is sometimes no place to go except down and when you finally get there you are numb, cranky, or angry. That's ok.

[biggsista]

Hi Tulip,
Hubby and I have this conversation occasionally...I tend to be the half empty sort of girl..not all the time but with our last failed IVF and pumping myself with tripple the hormones of a normal human it was tough. I feel better now after a few months of taking a break and now I will be back to the chaos in a few weeks..I'm sure you'll be reading my gloom and doom posts especially if this doesnt work (see there I go already) Anywho, your not alone..this is tough to handle ALL of the time!!! Treatment takes alot of time and energy and when it doesn't work there is disappointment..God help my hubby if he said that to me while I'm taking meds..I'm dangerous and I have needles....lol