[Lyss]

My day has started off really crappy -- even though it should be going good because I'm getting my new car today . However --- I am getting hate mail from a couple "mommy" friends telling me how they think its a HORRIBLE idea that I'm TTC #2 with my HUSBAND.

Back in September and October my husband and I split up... we were at each others throats and the stresses of our financial situation and me withdrawing from the situation mentally caused the whole whirlwind.. He moved out September 11th then moved back in on the 24th of october, we were getting ready to file papers for divorce and on the 24th he came home and decided it was stupid and we should not get divorced and we should fight for us....because we both know we are meant to be together... We've in marital therapy since the weekend after he moved back in in November. Both sets of our parents have seen the transformation in both of us and for once -- ARE COMPLETELY supportive and are playing an active role in wanting to know the details of our TTC journey and providing us with childcare while we go to our sessions and such.

What can be so bad about wanting to bring a VERY MUCH LOVED/WANTED child into this world? We are in love with the child we have -- and we would like more and we dont know how long its going to take to conceive -- so we wanted to start now. Why should it be of anyone elses opinion whether a MARRIED man and woman are TTC?


I'm so frustrated with morning... I feel so alone. Thanks for listening to my sorry excuse for a soapbox.

[MIRANDA12503]

All of us have had to deal with stress that can make marriage tough. It is not for them to decided what is right for you and your family.

Sometimes stressfull situations show you who your true friends are.

Hope your day goes better for here on out!!

Hugs

Miranda

[lorenali]

Hey there - don't let anyone else intrude on your personal life. NO ONE has the right to tell you how to feel and if they don't like how your are handling your life, it won't have any impact on their lives anyway - so what do they care? Are they really your friends? I doubt it. Maybe it's time to change friends?

You should really focus on you and your dh. It's great that you are working through your issues - and if you want another child that's just fine. As long as you are of sound mind that you and dh are doing well and focusing on your future first. If that future includes new children - great. Either way - good for you for trying to work it out. Don't let others get you down...

hang in there...

[Lyss]

Yeah... it's a long story... but there is a good chunk of my friends that are supportive..

My husband and I both feel our relationship is stronger now than it has ever been because it seemed like once we dedicated some time to some counseling that we seemed to work out the roadblocks in communication and understanding, it was like our eyes were opened to it all.

These friends of mine who disagree are the friends who only got the ONE side of the story.. MY side... which in my anger, sadness, despair.... was pretty deep and treacherous.

[SchmennaLeigh]

Don't let others unsolicitied advice and opinions dictate how you live your life. You know where you are in your marriage. You know how much a child is wanted and will be loved. You know your reasonings. They don't.

Live your life. Don't let others live it for you.

[jenedens6102]

Alyssa, I'm so sorry that being of being inconsiderate of your situation. No marriage is perfect all the time, however the biggest piece of importance is that you guys are back together and working hard to save your marriage and your relationship. Don't give those people the opportunity to see that they've struck a nerve with you, we are better then that. You can vent with us anytime!

[Lyss]

It just sucks when there are other friends in this circle that are complaining about how crappy their relationship is with their husband and then they get pregnant and everyone rushes in with showers of praise... or the couple that split up and were completely divorced for six months and got back together and were pregnant one month after reconciling...everyone rushed in with praise..

But when I gush about how great everything is.... I am the one who gets the criticism. =(

[dndtaylor]

ALyssa- I would try not to worry too much about your friends'opinions. Yeah sure they are your friends and there opinions matter, but to a certain degree. IF is already stressful enough, just thank them for caring and then in the end do what you feel is right for you and your family. If your friends are true friends they are going to be there regardless of your choices. Sometimes things get hard but this is the last thing you need on top of the everyday stresses you have. Sorry if this is harsh, I'm just being honest. I have had friends at some point that think they know more about what it right for my life and marriage than I did. It does get tough and frustrating. Hugs - enjoy your new car!

[Lyss]

Yeah, you're all right. =)

[gingerj]

I admire the two of you for wanting to fight for your marriage and go to therapy!! I think it is absolutely wonderful as there are too many people that just give up too easy, increasing the divorce rates,especially when children are involved. Another child may be just what you two need. Its hard sometimes in situations like that with close friends because they always think they know whats best for you. its good you do have a group of supportive friends too!! In all actuality, the only opinions that really matter anyway are yours & DHs!! Good Luck!

[pearlsofia]

alyssa,

every marriage is not perfect and i think its great that you both in spite of the hurt and pain you've hung in there and worked it through. many don't even think about that much.

whenever and however you choose to ttc i would say is your personal decision w/DH. if you guys really want to start having more children that alone tells you that the love is started to grow back and the future holds much more blessings.

i know it sucks that we have unsupportive friends, but as weird as this might sound, we need people like that around us. but it drives you more to stay w/DH and continue working it out and have you baby just to prove them wrong. no matter how much you vented w/them they should be respectful of your decision.

anyways, im just glad you guys are working it out and wanting to bring a baby into your family.

[Lyss]

I just hate the negativity and I had being around people like that, it brings the morale down and stress preventing my stubborn eggs anymorethan they already is what I do -not- need. I would never have another child with a man that I had any doubt that I would be with for the remainder of my days... I am not some immature little girl who thinks that having another baby will trap a man... because it doesnt work like that... if I thought for one second he was going to leave... I wouldnt do it... but its all in having complete and total faith and trust in something, even though it was once lost. I've regained that trust and faith...


... whatever happened to hope, encouragement and congratulations???? I'm glad I found this place.

[Lil Solara]

Like you said, you are a big girl, and you what is right for your family The fact that you and your husband are working through this is wonderful, alot of other couples give up at the first sign of trouble.

But on the other hand, if these friends have only heard the negative, maybe you could talk to them, and tell them the positive now. It sounds like they are trying to protect you, of course, without knowing all the facts

[Kellileanne]

YOU know what is right for you!!!! Don't let them do that to you! Tell them they are being hypocrites and if they don't like it they can go find a new friend! You don't need friends who are going to judge you in that way, especially when they act like that about it! It is YOUR life, not theirs! "humph" ....mean people....

[jnem]

OMG Canadian girl is that your DH? Can we trade??? PLEASE


jen