[Dona]

Hello all!

I've got a couple of questions, hope somebody can help shed some light...this might get kinda long, forgive me.

My Mom got a foreign exchange student on August 10th, he is from South Korea and his name is Jong Yoon Lee. My mom is raising a nephew of mine who is 12 and my nephew's best friend is being raised by HIS grandma too. My nephew's best friend's grandma has a foreign exchange student too, but it's a girl from India. Well, this other grandma was going out of town and could not take her foreign exchange student along (the girl from India) so she asked my mom if the girl could stay with her for the weekend. My mom already had plans to come to my house she didn't want to cancel so she asked if she could bring this girl from India to my house also and of course I agreed!! I welcome anyone into my home.

So, this past Saturday, my mom, nephew, their foreign exchange student (Jong Yoon) and the girl from India arrived for the weekend. The instant the girl is in our door she is screaming and swatting at our dogs. We tried to tell her they were friendly and would not hurt her, but she kept swatting at them. Things settled down and I tried to keep the Beagles away from her but I had to keep our Great Dane locked up the entire weekend, which she is NOT used to and I felt awful about it! Our dogs are INDOOR dogs and only go into crates if and when they want to. ANY time one of the Beagle's got near this girl, she would kick at them and scream (she'd scream "MOMMY!"). Finally I did try to ask her why she did not like the dogs when she could see we all loved them and treated them like our children. She was very hard to understand (her accent) but she said something like if they touched her clothing she could not pray??? And, she acted like she hated them. This did NOT sit well with DH and myself, it would be the same to us as if she screamed, swat at and kicked at any human children we may have had! Anyway, she pretty much put a damper on the weekend cuz our dogs are little love muffins and they are sweet and friendly but we had to CONSTANTLY yell at the dogs to get away from her and if we let one get too close, she would kick at him. For all of you who love your pups like we do, you know this tugged at our hearts, it was painful! Also, during the 2.5 days they were here, this girl did a few things that really bothered me. One morning she went outside by our swimming pool and slipped on a pair of my "outside" flipflops which she proceded to wear ALL day, INSIDE our home (we have new, cream colored carpet and NOBODY wears shoes in the house). These were the shoes I do NOT even wear inside the door as they are only for outside work and wear. I didn't say anything because I wasn't sure how to, you know? But, at about 6:30pm that evening as we all got ready to go to the park I finally asked her "Are you going to wear my shoes to the park too?" All she said was "no". She helped herself to whatever she wanted, when she wanted, including getting into the fridge and freezer to take or eat what she wanted. After swimming in our pool, she would leave her wet clothes (yes clothes, no swimsuit but pants and a shirt) lying on the bed in the room she slept in...soaking wet! After she left, I went in to clean the guest bathroom and found that she had gone into my supply closet and helped herself to a brand new toothbrush. Now, I know, it's only a toothrbrush but for me, that wasn't the point. She got into a closet she didn't even need to get in, took out a brand new toothbrush still sealed in it's wrapper, threw the wrapper away and made the toothbrush her own. It was RUDE and to me, it was stealing!!! She never asked, but just went into my stuff as if it was available TO HER to take what she needed or wanted. She never said anything about taking the toothbrush either. I had seen the toothbrush on the sink earlier and thought "how weird, she uses the exact same kind we do" and that is when I thought to look and we had six and there were five left in the closet and an empty wrapper in the trashcan of that bathroom. I keep even amounts on hand so that when we need new ones, DH and I each get one....but now we have only five in our supply closet. She never said thank you for anything, not even when we went TO the store to BUY her foods that she would eat. She asked me to buy her two cheese pizzas and I did, but she never thanked me. Also, Joey treated us all to DQ one night and she never thanked him, everybody else did, even my 12 year old nephew!!

I have been bothered by her behaviour all week and finally I called my Mom tonight only to find out my MOM was very bothered and does NOT even want this girl in her home!! My Mom said if she can steal one thing, she can steal anything. This girl also went through TWO boxes of items I had stored in the spare bedroom where she slept...I know for a FACT she did as things were neatly stacked and sorted in BOTH boxes, and after she left I went to clean up the room and noticed that the items in both boxes were jumbled and tossed around, and neither box was closed any longer. It was two large boxes of pharmacy rep items like pens, clocks, paperclips, bookbags, cotton ball dispensers, all with drug names on them that I won on ebay in two "grab bag" auctions. I have no clue about each and every item that was in each box as it was a LOT of stuff, but who is to say she didn't find something in them she wanted and took?? My Mom told me that the "host" parents for this girl were about fed up with her behaviour also, so I don't know if she'll be here much longer. This girl was HIGHLY intelligent and only 15 years old and said she was in the Indian army???

Can anybody she some light? Do you know of any reason why she would feel my home was open to her to use or take what she wanted without asking? I know every country has customs but I'd not think stealing was allowed in any? Also, I can't figure out her contempt for the dogs or why she did NOT want them to touch her clothes? She wouldn't hesitate to sit down in a chair or on a sofa RIGHT where a dog had just sat and a few times I saw her pick up and throw aside a dog toy that was in her way?????

Just any insight I'd appreciate, I'm very baffled here!

THANKS!

[HananMG]

Hey Dona,

How are you? I wish I could explain some of the things that had happened, but without being rude or judgmental, I will not say much, as I am Christan and Arabic (Egyptian born)...

What I can tell you is that in general the people in the Middle East are not used to have pets in their homes... And women will not let you shake or touch them, could be b/c OCD (like TV show MONK)...

I could PM u and tell you a hole slue of stories my family tells us kids... Let me know and I will be happy to tell you what my parents (live in FL) and cousins who live in Egypt say...

Hanan

[HananMG]

Dona,

I know she is not from the Middle East, but Egypt has more than 90 percent Muslims. So costumes are very similar...

PM and I will explain more, if you want... I am just not comfortable saying anyone in the open at least for now.

Hanan

[evita]

Dear Dona,

It is really sad that you have to go through all this! I think it is more about that girl's personality rather than where she belongs to! She has an individual problem and your mom needs to help her become like you guys.

I am from India and have pets at home and have no problem whatsoever. In fact my dog is like my child. Even my DH treats him like that. And people who have problems with pets better stay away from us. Though i know that in middle east people are not so pet friendly, but this thing is very individualistic, i must say.

Do PM me in case you have any other questions. I would be glad to answer those. good luck!!

[Dona]

Hey girls!

Thanks for your replies. I certainly hope I didn't sound as if I was just picking on people from India, certainly that was not what I intended. This girl is the only time I've ever met anybody from India. My questions were just about this girl and her behaviour. My sister tends to think this girl may be spoiled, used to having or getting what she wants back at home, so that is why she did what all she did. Either way, I believe it was disrespectful. I'd never go to another country and do things any differently than in my own country...I have been to other countries, many times, and I know they all have their own customs but I also know some look at stealing as a MAJOR crime, no matter what was taken.

Thankfully, this girl is NOT my Mom's FES, rather she lives with a family whose grandson is friends with my nephew, so my mom does not have to have this girl around. But, the family she lives with has a dog and apparently (from what I've been told) this girl has hit and kicked this dog to keep him away from her and the host family loves and treasures this dog, so her treatment of it is really pushing them. I believe she will be removed from their home, unfortunately, and she may even be sent back home to India.....I just do not know. It's not as if she's out of control, rather she is just very rude and disrespectful. I know we can't be the only country who places such a high value on our pets, be it dogs, cats or lizards!!! I appreciate everyone is different and will have their own beliefs, values and customs....but being rude and disrespectful is not something I think too many countries view as "acceptable"....oh, unless you count countries where it's rude NOT to burp after a good meal, hahaha.....I'd love to visit that place!

Again, thanks for your thoughts!

[evita]

Good to hear about your attitude lady Its about the girl and not the country . I myself have been to many parts of U. S. and found it a cool place! All the very best in life!

[jencat215]

Wow Dona. That really sucks. And has really shed some light for me. DH and I got a flyer on our car a few weeks ago about hosting a FES. We seriously talked about it- we have the money/room to host a child and we have a lot to offer and would like to share. But I could not handle a child- make that a almost adult who would behave like that. How was the other (Korean) FES? Was his behaviour acceptable? I probably would have pulled the girl aside and had a good talk to her about stealing and treating your 'children' pets. From what I understand about the FES program, the children are supposed to adapt and learn the customs of the host family. They are supposed to be accepted into the home as a family member. If they can't interact as one, then they do get removed. It is hard to believe that type of behaviour is cultural.

For you other girls, please share your cultural experiences. I think it is fascinating and I didn't know that people from the Middle East in general are not pet friendly. It seems like many who move here adapt cause I see middle eastern families with pets all the time.

[Angel0226]

My BIL and SIL are on their 3rd foreign exchange student right now. First year... good experience for the most part. She was a 16 year old from Germany... a little spoiled, but at least respectable. Last year, they hosted a 16 year old boy from Brazil... what a disaster! He was soooo rude and definetely didn't respect any members of their family. He spoke English just fine when it was convenient for him, but when he didn't want to talk to you... he pretended he didn't understand. He was sent back to Brazil in just under two months. It was hard for them to do, but you have to put your family first and he was beginning to become a real problem.

This year they are hosting a young lady that is 16 from Vietnam. She is such a pleasure to have around... so far. She has been here for a little over a month and really seems to fit in.

I know that some of the FES come over from very wealthy families and expect a lot more than they are going to get. I believe that they should definetely try and adapt to the household rules and respect each and every family member... even if that would be an animal! I also know that a lot of these FES come over and their grades do not count in school... it's just play time for some. While this isn't always the case, it was for the first two FES that my BIL and SIL hosted. They didn't do their schoolwork... they didn't even try. Now with the young girl they have now, she is working so hard. This counts as her last year of school and she is hoping to attend college in the states next year. She is currently studying to take her SAT's right now. I do think she comes from an underpriveleged family too. I don't know if that makes that big of a difference, but she is very appreciative to be here... to have a family take her in and let her study here.

I know each and every FES is different, ecspecially depending on the countries they come from and the type of family they come from. But they should still be respectable. Being a host family is extremely difficult. We hosted three FES ourselves when I was growing up. We were lucky... we had good experiences, but it took a lot of effort. Ground rules were set and they were followed. They followed the same rules my brother and I did... and if they didn't, there were consequences. The first student that came to stay with us was used to drinking alcohol with her family at dinner... and she expected that she would do the same with us. My mom was having a glass of wine one evening and she asked to have some. When my mom told her no, she was very puzzled. Upon explanation, it was fine... but she didn't realize that wasn't acceptable for children our age.

It's tough, very tough to be a host family. And it's even more rough when you have a good experience... it was hard to say good bye to some of these people. They live with you for a year and then they are gone. We keep in touch with one of them quite often still, but have lost touch with the other two.

Regardless, I have rambled and rambled... this girl should have been more respectful to you and your family. Just be glad that she is not in your house and try and look past and beyond it.