[sarah16]

I have a question for all of you wonderful ladies! My SIL is due 12-17-07 with her second baby. They do not have a lot of money and really can't afford another baby but she is still pregnant. Anyway, my BIL got fired from his work a month ago (he is a hot headed person) so now they literally have no money. I was talking to her last week and she didn't even think that she could buy her son any Christmas presents because of the hospital bills she will have. I want to offer to buy some Santa presents for her but I don't know if I should or not. I talked to my DH about it since it's his sister and he said no, we are just inabling her if we do it, and then she will expect it another year. I see it as giving my nephew a wonderful christmas, since we are able to give extra if need be. What are your ideas, suggestions, or helpful tips for me?

[Tabitha]

If you are able to help with Santa presents just for your nephew, and your DH comes around to the idea, I think it would be appropriate to offer. Your DH is probably right about enabling, but it's Christmas...

[mum2abbylily]

I think you need to get your DH to agree, but if it's small gifts, nothing extravagant, from Santa to your nephew then I see no harm. It is xmas....

[stayingpositive]

Sarah, you sound like a wonderful aunt and a very caring and giving person. How will your SIL and BIL take it? Would they feel badly because they can't give as many gifts as they want to or will they be grateful to you? Some people are strange in that way....

As an aunt, I think it's a great idea...just posing some thoughts....

[sarah16]

I buy things for my nephew every year "just because". Usually I add a new winter coat for his birthday every year, and for christmas I buy him a couple of nice outfits along with the fun stuff. My SIL and BIL are usually ok with any help, but my nephew knew it was coming from me, we have never given, then said it's from someone else.....

[jencat215]

how old is your nephew?

[CryingInside]

Wow, that's a tough one. If your DH agrees you could buy a few more presents than you normally would and have them at your house and say that Santa dropped them off there. I can see his point that it would be enabling. If they are like my family, they would expect it all the time. If they aren't and you think they would be grateful, then its a wonderful gift. That's a tough situation.

[sarah16]

My nephew is 3, Jen.

[jencat215]

Oh then he is young enough not to know too much about who gives him what. So if it were me, I would want to give to my nephew to let him have a great christmas, despite his irresponsible parents. But I do understand the concern about having this be a habitual problem (especially if more children are on the way! ) Does your nephew know who Santa is? Does he know how Christmas works (goes to bed, Santa puts presents under the tree)? If so, then it would be hard if you came over with presents and he didn't get any from his parents or Santa...

If your SIL and BIL are okay with it, then sure, it is a great idea and very generous of you. I would consider having a serious talk with your SIL next year, maybe June/July, and ask her plans for Christmas...whether they are saving for it, buying things in advance when they can, so you are proactive and this doesn't happen again.

You are a really great SIL. You should tell Dh that you would be doing it for your nephew, not for your SIL/BIL. I think it is really great helping out family when you can, but not so good when they won't help themselves...

[sarah16]

If only talking to them would help!!! They are already saying they want another baby, because they don't have their "girl" yet. I can't help myself, it kills me to see kids not have a wonderful Christmas even though their parents aren't the best. My DH is still in the "angry" phase of IF, he is not amused that his sister has babies and can't afford them. My nephew was born when my SIL wasn't married and she didn't have a job, EVERYTHING was covered by the state. It will be interesting what they are expected to pay now with my BIL out of work.


I do have to say, my SIL and BIL don't ever ask us for money. My MIL buys them tons of things though, because they can't afford anything. They didn't, however, help my husband one dime after he graduated high school. Now that we are paying off his college loans and paying for IF I'm not happy about that!! We won't even go there though.

[CryingInside]

I get that Sarah. It does suck that we have to pay for something that most people get for free. Anyways, I think it is a pretty cool thing to do for your nephew.

[mrsrodgers]

I would probably do it for our nephews but I also agree with your DH....it is enabling them...but then again it is not for them but for your nephew (if you do this I would make sure to make them non-returnable - I have a SIL that returns everything for money for herself) It sounds like your inlaws might be doing this as well for him...I would check with them and make sure your DH is ok with it first....

Good Luck...a tough choice but very generous of you!

[sarah16]

I have a happy update! My BIL got a new job! Just in time for the holidays. And my SIL is going to have her baby by next friday. They will induce then, unfortuately we are going out of town that weekend. Hopefully she has the baby before that so I can get some baby time.

Thanks for all the advice for my nephew. I appreciate it!