[Highopes]

So, on Tuesday I had my d & c. My Dr. made me have blood work 2 days before to see if my beta levels were low enough than I would probably not have to go through with the d & c. Well my beta level was 57000! The d & c went well (and I have to say that my Dr. who is male was very empathetic, patient & understanding). However, now one minute I feel I tearful, then can laugh & joke & then I feel depressed. Is this due to my hormone levels dropping? Has anyone else experienced this? I know I have to somehow pick myself up & move on but it's just so hard being hopeful. I'm 37 & just feel the clock ticking away (that's never been said to me before, mmh...) & wonder will it ever happen. I'm sorry to go on but I really needed someone to vent to especially others who have been through this (which makes it harder for my husband to really understand & I don't think he really knows what to say or do to make me feel any better) It also doesn't help that 2 of my husbands' best friend's wives are both pregnant & they keep asking my husband "no kids as yet, do you plan to have any etc?" Anyway, thanks for listening everyone

[sunny72]

Highopes, I think it is perfectly normal for your emotions to be all over the place. After my m/c last year I was doing the same as you, crying one minute, laughing the next and then back to crying. I don't think DH knew what to do with me. I must say that although not all RE's/ob-gyn's recommend them, the D&C did give me some closure and an end to the heavy bleeding which was making me sooo emotional and was a constant reminder of what my body was going through and what was happening.
I hope you find some comfort here as there are many of us that can relate and we understand what you are going through to some degree. I'm so sorry this is happening to you and wish you all the luck in the world with your future endeavors to be a mother.

[kblythe]

I went through about 24 hours of intense mourning, and then I seemed to rally. I had a few times where I broke down and cried again, but I mostly functioned fairly well. I kept telling myself that the m/c was God's way of saving me from a more difficult decision down the road ... if I were to find out that the baby had serious problems and had to make the decision about what to do.

I had my m/c at 38 and had the exact same thoughts as you, but without the annoying people asking me about having children. I ended up going with donor embryos, but I've finally gotten pregant again with a good pregnancy. So although my journey did not go the way I had initially intended, I'm still excited to have ultimately reached my destination!

Best of luck.

k.

[MissBish]

Highopes,
I am sorry you are having to go through this. I too had a rollercoaster of emotions with my m/c in January. I had a d&c as well but unfortunately had a lot of heavy bleeding after that. I remember thinking to myself that i am never going to be able to continue with treatments, that i am never going to stop crying, etc. Though it took me some time to recover...I am about to start a new cycle.

Please take time to heal, grieve and get healthy. You had a loss and you have all the right in the world top be going through all the emotions.

Hang in there..it will get better.

[CaribbeanQueen]

Highopes--I am so sorry for your loss... It's rough. You've come to the right place for support, though.

I miscarried in October (had already started bleeding and decided to avoid a D&C if I could). It took 7 weeks after that for my beta to return to zero. Our RE gave us the go-ahead to try again in February, but due to DH's schedule, we waited until April. Though I was emotionally ready to try again after a loss, I think that the extra time helped me to heal more physically. I see that you are taking a break for the summer. My suggestion would be to do extra special things for yourself and DH--whatever it is that you two like to do.

It doesn't help that your friends are expecting, I know... When we were TTC (it took us 4 years to get p/g with our DD), I declined all baby shower/kid b-day party invites--just too tough. In that regard, do what you have to do. I hope that others will be sensitive to your situation (even though they may not know that you're having difficulty conceiving).

We're all here for you!

[Highopes]

Thank you everyone who replied. It really helped to read what others have gone through & for some on to better things eg: BFP's. The support has really meant alot to me, especially when my husband is trying but can't understand how I'm feeling etc. I know it will take time & I will be ttc again down the road.

[bd711]

Highhopes - I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. I also had a miscarriage and had to have a d&c when I was 37, so I know the fears and the dashed hopes. It's so completely normal that your emotions are all over the place. First of all, you're right that your hormones are now dropping really fast, which can make you really emotional. But more importantly, you're going to go through the mourning process - which is, as it's called, a process. Unless you're very lucky and have a unique disposition, you're going to be sad for a while. And just know that you'll get through it and out the other side. But you need to let yourself grieve. I hope your body continues healing well, and just give your heart some time. -Bethany

[rebekkahlahey]

Im so sorry for your loss. I know how it is, and it sucks. For days you can continue to have signs of pregnancy. That was the hardest part for me. But at least you know you can get pregnant.

[norcal]

highhopes - I have gone through 2 D&C's and also experienced some mood swings until my HCG levels went back to 0. Of course as the others have said, there are still emotional mood swings from the grief even after the hormones go back to normal, but I felt like I could tell the difference and remember REALLY hating the hormone related mood swings.

as far as DH - one thing he and I learned during the process was that when there is nothing he can do to help me, he gets really frustrated. If I'm in physical pain, he can try to relieve it, but when it's emotional he feels helpless. It took us two times through this to realize it, but now when I'm emotional, I tell him that I just need him to hold me and then he feels like there's something he can do to help.

As far as helping to know there's hope - after 2 d&c for no heartbeat, I'm 25 weeks along and it looks like we will finally have our miracle.


Take care -