[HeatherandMatt]

hi everyone.. on Monday DH and I went in for our 17 week check up and the dr. couldn't find a heart beat. After going for an ultrasound they declared that my baby had passed away 2 weeks earlier.. Needless to say we are devestated. I am scheduled for a D&E tomorrow and I am very scared. I was just wondering if anyone could give me some advice how long did it take for you to stop feeling helpless? How long until you got preg again? and Were you scared to get preg again? I am very scared to get preg again..

thank you

[Mom2MandyandTristan]

Oh Heather I am sooo sorry for your loss. I don't know if that feeling ever really went away for me it just faded enough for me to want to move on. I had my last m/c in August and in October we found out we were pg again. Do take all the time you need to heal. Again I am sorry.

[designdiva32]

I am so so sorry this happened to you both, it really is the most unfair thing in the world. You were alot further along than I was with my two losses but I can completely relate to the devastation and shock you are both going through right now.

As for getting pregnant again, after both my miscarriages I chose to try again only a couple of months later as I really wanted to start my family. But its been hard, when DH and I lost the second one I almost gave up completely. I'm now almost 32 weeks pregnant and I will say the fear and worry never ever goes away. I'm still a nervous emotional wreck...but we get by somehow. The desire for our babies wins out in the end I guess.

Meanwhile if you just need to chat we are all here for you and remember to take all the time you need to grieve as you would with any other family member.

[HeatherandMatt]

Thank you for your support.. I am very sorry for your losses as well. I will talk to my Dr. about when we can try again.. and we def will.. I just feel like for the last 4 1/2 monthes everyday I have devoted to thinking of names, coming up with list of things I need and now I feel like I don't know what to do. Did you seek any counceling out side the support groups?

[designdiva32]

To be honest I probably should have had outside counselling, but instead I got very very close to some of the wonderful ladies on this forum instead and personally have found it to be just as helpful.

Although, dealing with all the complications I've had during this pregnancy might have been easier had I seen a counsellor who could have helped talk me through my worries. But its definately a personal decision so if you think it might help, defianately do it. Get your hubby involved too, you'd be surprised how much these losses affect them as well, they often just don't show it as much.

[Mom2MandyandTristan]

Hubby and I are in general marriage counseling (My mom made me promise we would go for our first year of marriage, she asks all her kids to do it) and this is one topic we do touch on often. It still affects us both despite the fact we have Tristan now. We have learned that it is ok to talk about it and even still cry about it when we need to. My worries were all over the place while pregnant and while I tried not to worry too much so it wouldn't affect the baby, I knew until I held him in my arms nothing would calm me 100%.
Sometimes it's nice to talk to a 3rd party about personal things. Someone outside of things to get a prespective you hadn't thought of cause you are too close to the situation (if that makes sense) so if you are comfortable with couseling couldn't hurt.

[HeatherandMatt]

Thank you ladies for your help I wanted to give you an update I went in for my D&E on Thursday. Turns out the baby was 16 weeks along not 14 weeks along and during the D&E my cervix ripped. they stitched me up and I spent the night in the hospital to moniter my bleeding. They are sending the placenta for testing so they can look into why the baby died. Thanks again for your support.
Heather

[sunny72]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I know you must be feeling heartbreak and disappointment right now. It is just a terrible thing to have to deal with. I had a missed miscarriage last year and eventually had a D&C at about 8 weeks. I can only imagine how you are feeling having made it to 16 weeks. Like someone else said, this loss will always affect you but time does heal somewhat. I too found it necessary to keep going forward with trying again soon after because it made it easier to have something to focus on other than the loss.

[MissBish]

I am sorry for you loss and all the pain you are going through right now. I had a missed m/c at 9weeks and had a d&c as well. Right now you need to give your body the time to heal. You also should take all the time you need to grieve. I too found support through the wonderful women here on the forum. Please take care of your spirit...I know how hard it is to not feel helpless. The pain doesn't go away...but each day it will get a little bit easier.

[parker john]

i am so sorry for your loss ... i had two d&c's and it does get easier as time passes ... my thoughts and prayers are with you ... rest us this weekend and take care of yourself