[ekburke]

Hi Everyone,

I have had the week from hell and feel like I need to reach out to all of you for support so I can begin the healing process. My DH and I found out we were expecting on 7/3. Needless to say we were elated. Things went smoothly for the first week and then I started to have brown discharge...TMI! The RE informed me that is was the progesterone and it is totally normal to have this. Okay so it is gross, but managable. My beta scores were still doubling every other day and my hormones were good so I figured suck it up...it will not last forever.

This brings me to this past Tuesday. Have you I have known of mr pregnancy for 12 days and am still in the cloud 9 faze. I got up from my bed and felt like someone turned on a faucet. I ran to the bathroom and I had red blood. I called the RE and was told to come in right away. My Dh and I went in expecting the worst and werr surprised that we saw our little miracles hearbeat. What an enormous relief. My RE said that bleeding is normal but if it is heavier than a period to call. THat very night I woke up covered in blood. I still did not freak out as we had just seen the HB so I cleaned myself up and went back to bed and I called the RE in the am. i was told to come in. I told my Dh to say at work as I was not worried. I get there and I get another Dr. who does the U/S and informs me that I have a huge blood clot and he is not sure if he sees a heartbeat or if it is blood flow to the clot. He tells me it is not good and to come back Monday. YOU WANT ME TO WONDER FOR FIVE DAYS. On my way to see my nurse my head is spinning and in comes my RE. I explain to her the best I can what had happened and she seemed puzzled and told me she too was now concerned. HOW CAN I HAVE A HEARTBEAT ONE DAY AND NOT THE NEXT? She told me to come in Friday (yesterday). So we head in optimistic that the flicker was out miracle but there was not HB. I was 6W and 4 days today! I was told to come in this monday to be reevaluated to see if I begin to M/C or whatnot. I did ask is there any chance the bloodclot is covering the heartbeat and it may be visible on Mon. and was told less than 5%. Well with any chance I cannot have a D&C until they tell me there is no hope.

I know everyone has had there tragedies, and I never thought we were exempt, I just never thought 23 hours would make sure a difference in the course of my life.

I am blessed that I conceived this angel on my very first IVF attempt and I think I might better deal with this if I had a child to love, and I know I am grieving because it is so much effort and pain to get here. We are not those women who look at their partners and get pregnant.

I have not been able to sleep as this clot is wreaking havoc. I was told to expect cramps and clots with it even when were unsure of our prognosis.

I guess I am here to vent and mourn and seek the support of all of you. I am having a terrible time wrapping my head around all of this.

If anyone can offer some advice as how to get through this I would welcome it. Thanks you for reading my story. I pray all of you have a safe journey into motherhood!

Best Wishes,

Erin

[sunny72]

Erin, I'm so sorry you are having to go through this. I really hope you won't have to have a D&C and that things turn out for the best. I have known people that bleed heavily in the early stages of pregnancy and things have turned out okay and I hope this is the case for you too.

[chuchu]

Dear Erin, I am praying for you.

[lovingwife]

Erin, I am so sorry for what you have been through. I had a similiar experience with my first pregnancy. My OB couldn't find a heartbeat at around 6 weeks. He told me it wasn't viable. DH swore he saw a heartbeat on the monitor, so I went to another OB for a 2nd opinion. Sure enough, a heartbeat. They wanted me back in a week to make sure everything was progressing. We were shocked to find no heartbeat on the follow up u/s. The OB thinks the heartbeat stopped shortly after the u/s when we saw the h/b. It's been one of the hardest things I've had to deal with, but somehow you come out of the fog and slowly move on. I am currently 16 weeks pregnant with no complications, so it is definitely possible to have a successful pregnancy after a m/c. I took about a week off from work to mourn and recover ( I had a d&c). I know some people seek counseling which you may want to consider. I really hope that everything turns out ok. Keep us posted and feel free to pm me if you need to talk.

[Oceans]

I am sorry you are going through this. I don't have any advice but you have my sympathy.

[meremere]

Honey I am so sorry you are dealing with this! I know that the pain can be un-bearable trust me! but DO NOT GIVE UP! I pray that you get some good news if I read correctly you have a chance. If for any-reason you do not have a HB then take the time to grieve and bond with DH, do not take it out on DH ( I did once, made it worse!) but do not give up!
We went through it over and over again and I was at the point after the last one that I wanted to have my tubes tied and DH begged me not to, I did not for his sake and we went along with life no longer trying to get pg and wham. I moved accross the country, knew NO ONE IN SEATTLE had no medical team or even a Dr and we were preggo. My son is now going on 7 weeks and I had a blood clottting issue, I had to take shots for it 2 times a day, it I can say SUCKED but in the long run it was so worth it!
Keep your chin up, you can make it through this and keep the faith!

[ekburke]

Hi Everyone,

Thank you for all you prayers and concern. I go in today for a D&C and I am so ready for the closure but so sad that it is the official end to this. Like the rest of you, I wanted this baby more than anything in the world and am devastated that I cannot have it. My Re has been wonderful and she suggested that after i get my health in order, we sit down and formulate a plan for my next round. We plan to try again right away and this time we want embryos to freeze.

Once again, I thank each and every one of you and wish you only the best.

Take care,

Erin

[frymomma2b]

Erin do know

[frymomma2b]

your pain an i am so sorry. I agree with holding on to the baby as long as there is even a .5% chance. I mean lots of people beat the odds so keep your head up and i will keep you in prayer. Hope the best news comes to you at your next visit.

[lovingwife]

Oh Erin, I'm so sorry to hear that it had to end this way. I know how you feel about wanting closure. It sounds like you RE is one your side and ready to move on right away. Take as much time as you need to mourn and recover. Let DH take care of you and let me know if you have any questions about the D&C recovery. I'll be thinking of you and your family today.

[Mia76]

Hello all,
Lovingwide,
Could you please share on your experience with D&C. I just found out I am having it on Tuesday, trying to not cry at work. We were so happy.
How much time phisically do I need? I don't have vacation time left, so need to take as little time as possible, but what is realistically necessary minimum time?
Erin, I hope you are feeling better.

[ekburke]

Hi All,

I had the D&C done on Tuesday and the procedure was scary but I feel so much better since it has been done. I feel like my body has already begun to heal. They say that after the procedure your body finally realizes that it is no longer pregnant and stops producing hormones.

Emotionally I am still a wreck. i am better since the hormones have begun to even out, but I am so scared that the hope and excitment I had is gone forever. This next round I am afraid I will not be so gung-ho! I dread what I will be like with another pregnancy. Every ache or pain will send me into a frenzy! I am concerned that I will be riddled with fear.

I see many of you have had this experience and I have to ask you this...how did you get through it? How did you gain the strength to see through the disappointment and hurt to try again. Did your marriages/relationships suffer? I feel like I am so depleted that I have nothing left for my husband.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

[casb77]

Erin, I'm so sorry this happened to you. I haven't been in your situation, but have grieved for other loved ones that have passed away. You need to give yourself some time to feel all the emotions that will surface. It's only been two days since your D&C, so of course you still feel like you have nothing to give to anyone else. You'll get there eventually. Just be kind to yourself and your DH as you both muddle through this very sad time.

Your will come!

[samantha27]

Erin,
I am so sorry for your loss. I will be praying for you. I felt compelled to write and put in my two cents about the blood clot thing. Your RE may bring up immune testing at your next appointment. I have never been pregnant but recently tested postive for antibodies that cause blood clots. They will be putting me on blood thinners for my upcoming FET (so if I do get pregnant I won't miscarry due to clotting). I wonder if you could have something similar. The reason I mention it is because alot of REs are resistant to do the immune testing, mine was. But something told me to have it done and he was shocked that I was right. I just thought this might help for the next round. Many times they don't test for this until after 3 losses, which is unfortunate.

Thoughts & Prayers,
Samantha

[Vogue]

Dear Erin! I know ur pain...I've been there 3 times. It hurts a lot! First I was very sad and couldn't stop crying, then I was so angry at myself, but then I started to heal. My job help me a lot, I was keeping myself busy all the time so I think less about my losses. It takes time but every day you will start to feel better and stronger. First m/c was pretty easy on me because I didn't even know that I was pregnant until I had my period for longer than usual and my doctor did a blood test and it showed I had chemical pregnancy. My second m/c was really hart and emotionally painful since my doc already told us due date which was our wedding anniversary. News about that I'm losing my baby for the 3rd time I received on February 14th...yep, Valentine Day. After my 3rd m/c I said to myself that I will never try to have a baby again because I can't put myself through it again. But the idea of being mom and having a baby is help me to gain the strength to try again. This month I just finished my first cycle on Clomid with IUI and now I'm waiting to have my blood work done on August 4th. Tell you the truth I'm so scared to have BFP because what if...? I'm praying that this time everything will be fine. Anyways I hope you will feel better soon ...take as much time as you need. We are here for you.